I can’t cope

@Captain24 yes, they are both bright puppies 😊.

One bag of the dry food is pretty expensive but it lasts a fair while so in the long run it doesn't really cost that much, plus they are worth it.

If only everyone was lucky enough to have that kind of support. I'm lucky to have an amazing Gp so I'm thankful for that.

Even with my routine I still struggle with sleep but having insomnia and the SI, I think that's just always going to be a thing.

Yes i love when they are quiet. The alarm was loud and it was a bit of sensory overwhelm when it happened but I got through it.

I don't know how you managed to do the lawn when it's 39⁰ but well done. Doing your lawn after with the weed'n'feed, you've done amazing 😊.

A bath sounds lovely and hopefully it might even help with the pain. It's horrible being in pain so I'm sending you gentle hugs.

I'm doing ok, very tired though so things are crashing a bit. But it's almost bedtime so I'll start to wind down soon, then I'm going to sit and build Lego with one of my friends on the forums 😊.

I’ve had my bath but it dropped my blood pressure so I’m feeling a little woozy. @MissGremlin. I now need to sort out something for dinner.

Yeah I get it’s expensive but it does last a little while and it’s actually good for them.

Im glad you have your GP. At least it’s someone for you. I really hope you can get some help, you deserve it.

I guess it is. I struggled with trying to sleep for nightshift when I first started it. I found a routine but I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to sleep so why bother. Eventually I told myself that I could do it and now I sleep quite week during the day. I wish there was something for insomnia but there isn’t. Have you tried any meds for sleeping? I have trouble with them though as they actually keep me awake.

Well done on getting through it. It can be really hard to control so you did well.

I have done well today. I’m feeling it now though. Plus I had two appointments and went to Bunnings and 2 loads of washing. I didn’t get everything done that I wanted to but I have to be careful after being out in the heat for so long. I didn’t love it though! Mums neighbour thought I was crazy!

Building Lego together is so good, I read it in your thread. I have done it before and it’s a different kind of connection. Doing something with someone else.

Im sorry you are crashing. That’s hard but hopefully the Lego will work as a distraction.

You do get a lot of emotions out of me! @Jynx

I hope you can sort something out as it sounds so awesome for you. A little patch of nowhere just to be together alone with nothing else.

Im glad I have someone that understands. That can help me work out what is what. I do appreciate it.

The appointment was interesting. She made me feel really comfortable even though I told her about the blood loss. But.. she said that it looked like the mirena was a little low, then she corrected herself and said she thinks it’s ok, then she said a doctor really needs to see this, then she said I should hear from my doctor early next week. That doesn’t sound to promising!

I mowed mum and dad’s lawn this afternoon. It was hot but it felt good to be out in the sun and the heat. I didn’t have a slight argument with dad as he didn’t want me to do it, it was 39 when I finished.

The sun was a good thing and a good distraction. But now I’m tired and not feeling great. I have the sonographer’s words in my head. I wanted a semi clear answer but didn’t get one. So now it’s still a wait and see thing. It just doesn’t seem to stop. I had a dietitian appointment today and we talked about it all and the fact that my body is failing me is causing even worse body image. My body feels dirty and disgusting so it’s triggering even more self-hatred.

How was your day?

@Captain24 oh that happens to me when I have a shower, hope you are feeling better now. Did you find something for dinner?

Yes I'd much prefer to make sure they get good food, some of them are so bad for them.

I hope so. I got a message earlier to say that someone will ring me tomorrow to let me know how they went with finding me support. I'm just keeping everything crossed.

It's a big change doing nightshift but I'm glad that you've been able to get a routine now. I have tried a few meds but like you they keep me awake. Medications are off the cards for me now cos I have severe side effects from them.

You really did do amazing today sweet, I'm so proud of you for getting through your appointments and doing so many other things even while being in pain. Hoping you can get a good night's sleep tonight ❤️.

Yes it's so awesome to do and you're right it's a different type of connection.

The Lego helped. I'm going to watch a little bit of Angel and Buffy then head off to sleep i think.

It took a little while but it lifted a bit after I ate @MissGremlin. I just had a flavoured rice packet and put tuna in it. 90 seconds and dinner was ready. My dietitian is ok with that.

Definitely. Pix has a really sensitive stomach and this doesn’t affect her and she is better for it. I do have to be careful what else I give her and what treats I give her. I give her medication if she is having a bone as it affects her. Jett is really healthy and has no issues.

Im really hoping you get some good news today. I have everything crossed for you. I really really hope it works out.

Nightshift was such a shock to the system when I first started it! I was a mess. It’s not good for MH either. But when I was with community health they helped me work things out with meds and stuff. I was already doing nightshift when I was referred to them.

That's hard about meds. I don’t think I could cope without them. I’m on so many

Thank you. It was a lot but I think today I’ll just take it easy. I’m feeling it a bit. I did sleep extremely well though. I got up at 7 to go to the toilet and decided to go back to bed and didn’t wake up until mum rang me at 9:40! I needed it though. I hade nearly 12 hours sleep. I don’t do that much anymore.

Im glad Lego helped and works for you. I’m thinking I might do some today after I do a few jobs. Or maybe I’ll just start sorting it all out.

I hope you got some sleep, even just a little more than usual.

Hey @Captain24 was reading some of your posts and I know it probably won’t alleviate any stress or worry, but that sonographer you had, they are not meant to say anything to you about what they see. They are trained to take high quality images and that’s all. So she has more than likely said what she has seen, backtracked cause she knew she shouldn’t have said anything and told you that your dr needs to see these and will tell you the results. It’s also why they don’t generally make any reports available online until a weeks time. So I know that’s probably not that reassuring, but try not to read too much into it. That sonographer was in the wrong. They say things, stress patients out and often for nothing.

Hey @Bow

Ive been reading along and im sorry that its hard for you, sorry about the flashbacks, that must be so consuming.

Thanks for reaching out. I’m hoping you are right and she changed her mind and not seen something else. She did say that it hasn’t broken the wall of my uterus though so that’s a good thing. My mind has just jumped to the worst conclusion since everything has gone wrong with it. I’m usually one to not stress over this stuff. I’m not stressed if it turns out to be cancer as we will deal with that if it happens.

Fingers crossed it’s nothing.

Urgh I’m still having problems with email notifications @Captain24

It’s a horrid time really, but what can I do

was just vacuuming and thinking of you and what I posted and wanted to add…. That many a time have the folks that have done ultrasounds on me and I also remember a scan on my hips, they have said not positive things and caused so much stress and worry and then it turn out to be nothing. I remember questioning my gp about my hip scan cause she said it was fine but the radiographer person said otherwise. That’s why they have people trained to do the scans, people trained to read the scans and write the reports… and I think you’ll even find that those writing the reports won’t actually diagnosis per say… they will say things like… suggestive of, or shows probable, or in keeping with

this is what they wrote when I had X-rays and scans on my shoulder. No firm diagnosis, just hints or suggestions I guess. The dr then has to diagnose

I have had so many scans and stuff. I at one point was having pelvic ultrasound every 3 months… thankfully internal ones weren’t common back then for most of it. Phew. Cause they are god awful.

sorry if that’s of no interest and boring but I always appreciate understanding how things work out etc.

I once had a gynecologist say he would get results back to me by a certain date after a laparoscopic procedure but then he decided to go overseas for Christmas. I remember standing in his private clinic reception area so distraught and in tears. I was so angry that he left me hanging.

fingers and other digits crossed for you that it’s all fine and just a silly sonographer saying things that she shouldn’t

@Captain24 I'm glad it lifted a bit after you ate. Quick and easy meals like that are so good and flavoured rice and tuna sounds yummy 😋.

Awww sweet Pix with her sensitive tummy, it's good you found something that doesn't affect her and I'm glad she can still enjoy bones. Jett being healthy is fantastic ☺️

Thankyou sweet, I'm really hoping something good comes out of it. I also have a phone appointments with my counsellor today.

I've done nightshift before so I get it, it takes a while to adjust. Yes adding mental health into it adds extra challenges but I'm glad that you were able to get support with meds and stuff to help make things easier.

It's frustrating cos I was hoping that meds could at least help a bit in conjunction with therapy.

I'm not surprised that you are feeling it today but I'm glad you are taking it easy. That's a really good night's sleep, it helps in so many ways when we can get a good night's rest.

I always love building Lego. Whether you get to build some today or just sort some out either way I hope you enjoy it.

I had barely any sleep again but I did have a little nap this morning. I'm taking things slowly today, second by second it is.

I turned my notifications off ages ago @Bow. I was getting spammed by them. I wouldn’t get notifications for this thread or ones I interacted with but from ones that I didn’t know. I was getting 60+ a day.

I guess there isn’t much you can do. Just have to try and work through each moment the best you can.

Thanks for sharing your report. That doesn’t really say much at all! Nothing confirmed.

I guess I should take her comments with a grain of salt and wait and see if I hear from my gyno. If I haven’t heard by Wednesday I might ring and check.

I can totally deal with the pelvic scan but the internal is horrible. She was extremely respectful yesterday and didn’t even look. I had to do the guiding in. That was still horrible but felt like I had a little control and a little bit of dignity.

I’ve had a few scans, X-rays and many mammograms so I should really know better.

It wasn’t boring and very much appreciated. It’s helping me to put things into perspective.

Oh that would have been horrible to not know. Especially when tests like that aren’t ordered for simple reasons.

Thanks for thinking of me. I will let you know when I know something.