I can’t cope

I actually felt like that this morning when I was trying to sleep after I got home @MissGremlin. It’s passed now thankfully.

That must be horrible to feel like that after being in the sun. The sun is suppose to be good for you. Do you like the cold?

It was fun, washing all the goats before hand wasn’t that great though. Just so you know, goats don’t really like being scrubbed down! They are great animals with different personalities.

I wouldn’t be without them. They are my heart and soul. Pix is a shocker for when I get out of the shower. She has to lick the water off my legs. Jett does it too but I think he is just copying Pix but his adhd gets in the way and he forgets what he is doing.

Pix is asking for a treat but she isn’t getting one! They had bones at nanny’s house last night and that’s enough!

Do they just curl up on the bed?

I get that it probably happens all the time, they would be use to it. But for me it’s not my normal! But she was really gentle the last time and did her best to make me feel comfortable. Thanks for thinking of me.

Ots something I struggle with too. I did have someone helping me with that but they left. I am working on it myself and with my psych. I’m learning to be able to ‘hear’ it now. I dont always respond negatively as much anymore.

I appreciate our chats and getting to know you and some of the others.

I’ve just had dinner and taken my meds. I need to have a shower so that I feel clean, I already feel dirty and violated. Then I think it’ll be bed.

That will be interesting @Flutterbug9. My psych follows up but only after she has checked in with how I’m going and if there is anything that needs to be dealt with. I think that makes sense. My old psych never followed up on anything and we never delved into anything deep. She use to sigh a lot when I talked.

It’s hard as you kinda have to give it a chance first and let your guard down but it’s hard to let your guard down when you don’t know whether it’s going to work or not.

That makes it easier! Smart thinking. I wouldn’t have thought of that. I’ve got vinyl floors anyway so I could t do it.

I hope she can as I want to give them a go. Something else to do.

Sounds like you have a lot happening during the heat. Medical tests are annoying but I guess they have to be done. How do you manage to remember it all? I just popped out to set alarms for tomorrow’s appointment while I was thinking of it otherwise I’d forget.

I’ve felt pretty unwanted and a burden in here at times. Also a bit of judgement and still feel that. So logging out I feel like I’m doing everyone a favour and it stops me from feeling hurt on here. I think that makes some sense. I’m glad you can see and put yourself first. You are the most important person to you.

They look cool. It’ll look awesome when set up.

My appointment is at 10:30. I forgot I had a dietitian appointment afterwards so the lawn will have to wait until Friday. That way I can do it in the morning and not afternoon.

Im struggling with the unknown. Not because of what it could be or what it may not be. I’m struggling with just wanting answers. I am scared that there is something wrong after the surgery but that’s the fear of what happens next. I don’t really care what the results are I just want to know. I could t cope with 3 months of not knowing. I’m not coping with having to wait until May to have the surgery and get checked. I’m an impatient person and very black and white. None of this waiting around in the grey area!

Thanks for sharing that. I may have a lot of questions for you coming up! After the May surgery and results that’s the next step.

I hope you have a good night and can get some decent sleep.

thinking of you

@Captain24 yeah for sure, she was very worried that I would be uncomfortable.... but on the first night meeting her dad (without even thinking or really meaning to) I made a dirty sex joke... haha woops! But both parents laughed their butts off so I think it really broke the tension! And reminded me that I really have no filter... 🫣🤣

My tent has some holes in it that would need patching, eep! Buuuuut I might be going away in Feb for mine and my partner's bdays, so hopefully there'll be some opportunities for some romantic star-gazing 😍

Yeppp that's pretty much bang on for ADHD brains hahaha whacky associations, super fun tangents all the time, and like.... yeah I'm a wiz at remembering weird, niche animal facts, but I can't remember a conversation I had 2 days ago 😅

But like the pic says, it gives us a unique perspective, a flair for creativity, and a knack for creative problem-solving too!

That's rough, the waiting is so hard. Would it be worth trying to get in to see your GP before the 20th? For some interim support?

Oh scary!! So glad you (and the truck, for the sake of the added stress it would have caused had it been damaged, lol) are okay!!! Did it give you a bit of a scare? Wow, 8 years is a fab track record! Definitely worth keeping in mind if you are feeling a bit shaken!

That’s priceless!! @Jynx. Most people would be a little reserved but you just go in all guns blazing! You made me laugh!

That sounds really nice and romantic. You are such a softie with a beautiful soul. Just no filter! Is it hard to fix the holes? I don’t know, I do not camp!

It does have some benefits I just have to remember that and get use to them and accept them. Still working through all of this!

There is no way I could get in at this late stage. It’s a 6+ week wait. That’s if you can get an appointment in that time. I just have to go it all on my own, or with the support on here obviously. I could be relying on here a lot!

It did scare me and I was really slow driving for most of the night. When the sun started to come up and I could see what roads were wet and what were dry I got a little bit of confidence back. I had really bad anxiety after it and still do. My anxiety hasn’t lessened. But I still have tomorrow’s appointment too which is causing anxiety, shame, embarrassment, violated, dirty, the list goes on.. Once the scan is done I’m hoping I’ll settle down a little bit and I’m hoping the gyno contacts me in the next week with results. But he is really busy so I’m not holding my breath.

Im guessing you are off for tonight.

I hope you have a good night and the sleep fairies find you!

@Captain24 I'm glad the feeling passed for you.

I love the cold weather, I honestly dread summer when it comes around.

Haha oh I get that, they have got unique personalities. Goats don't mind being brushed but yes washing them is a different story.

I'd be lost without Casper and now Stella, so I know what you mean. Oh good Casper isn't the only one to lick the water off of me after a shower 😂. Haha Jett getting distracted, I can so relate 😂.

Hehe they honestly are always hungry, I bet they enjoyed their bones though.

They do curl up on the bed, occasionally on the floor if they get too hot.

I get that it's not your normal and it would be very embarrassing and uncomfortable. I am glad that she was gentle last time and did her best to make you feel comfortable. Hoping it's all over and done with quickly so you can get home and rest. I'll be around all day so happy to chat both before and after if you'd like to ❤️.

It's good that you are able to work on it with your psych. As they say practice makes perfect, we'll get there eventually ☺️.

It's always nice getting to know people here.

Hope you've been able to have a nice relaxing shower now and that it's helped you to feel a bit better. Hopefully you can get a good night's sleep tonight sweet ❤️

@Captain24

@Captain24

Apart from the 45cm square unit, all are on wheels. my thoughts are to put the square unit and one 90cm unit where the unit with Titanic on it is (those shelves are 120cm wide), having the 120cm wide in front of sliding door. Possibly moving Titanic to top of 120cm wide shelves, if I can get some help to lift the white unit off

Not 100% with bear collection being behind doors and squashed onto the shelves. Something else to think off. Doing this stuff keeps my mind busy and helps keep my SI and SH under control

I really don’t cope in the cold weather, my mood and I despise being cold. I also can’t put lots of layers on as my autism doesn’t cope with it @MissGremlin

I swear Jett has adhd and I’m not even joking. He can be eating and forget and wander off to do something else. He gets distracted so easily.

Pix is always hungry and always wants a treat. Jett is better he doesn’t always finish his meals just eats until he has had enough. If I’m getting out treats he wants them but doesn’t notice that they don’t get them all the time.

I’ll get there, I’m doing a lot of work with her on myself. She also meets me with where I’m at mood wise. She knows when to push and when not to. Lots of practice. It’s easier to practice when you are no so low, it’s suppose to be come normal and then able to do it better in the hard times.

I slept really well and didn’t even notice that the dogs had taken themselves out to the toilet!

How was your sleep? Did you get much? How is today feeling for you?

That all looks amazing @Flutterbug9.

You have inspired me and I’m going to try and start sorting this afternoon after my dietitian appointment. I’m here waiting for my ultrasound and if it doesn’t take too long I’ll head out to Bunnings before my next appointment

@Captain24 i just don't really feel the cold, but completely get what you mean about the extra layers. Autism and its many quirks, aren't they fun 😂.

Haha oh Jett sounds like a real character. I reckon my puppy that i had last year (i had to hand her back to the breeders) had adhd she honestly couldn't switch off.

As soon as I go to my cupboard Casper eyes off the treats but he doesn't always get one. Casper and Stella both eat their food straight away, nothing is left in their bowls 😂.

It's really good that she meets you mood wise and I'm so glad you are doing the work with her on yourself. Yes practising when things are ok is a must. That's where alot of people struggle, they think that its only when you are having a hard time that you need to try to do things. But if you don't have those skills there it makes it hard for anything to work.

So happy to hear that you slept well, at least they can take themselves out ☺️.

I had a very rough night with barely any sleep so today is feeling heavy. I have to head to the shops at some stage today though and maybe I'll be able to sneak in a nap later.

Have you got anything on today sweet?