I can’t cope

Nothing to say sorry for and no need to have to reply quickly to me @Captain24

are days I’m not on the forums.

depending how I’m feeling plus what I’m doing etc, might go a week or more where I’m not on the forums

I hope you got some good rest @Captain24

I've got a bunch of training to do today so I'm just stealing a few moments on the forums here and there but I'd love to hear how you're going and hope I'll have time to at least read along and support if I don't get time to respond today

I have a little bit of time before work as I woke up early. @MissGremlin So I’ll start with your response and I’ll go from there with what time I have.

I don’t like the grass under my feet really but I do get the connection to the earth, I am allergic to grass so my feet then get itchy so I don’t do it for long. Plus my feet are pretty sensitive so it hurts a little. My grass is pretty dry and it doesn’t matter how much water I put into it the sun keeps drying it out and we haven’t had any rain in town for weeks. We are all praying for rain but it doesn’t come, it has rained out at work but not where we need it.

The stars are so beautiful, I was looking at them last night. I was wondering whether you were too. For some reason I think of Jynx when I look at the Milky Way, I don’t know why but I get a kinda sense of connection with them.

My dogs don’t seem to understand a lot. Pix gets hot and while she likes to cuddle it gets a bit much for her especially in this weather. She nearly died about 2 months ago. Mum had her and rushed her to the vet and wasn’t sure the vet was going to make it in time, it was out of hours, the vet put wet towels all over her and kept her in for 2 hours on oxygen and cooling her down. Now we are extremely careful with her. We have a heatwave this week but it’s in my days off so mum is happy and I have aircon at my house where mum doesn’t.

The dogs have soooo many toys. They get 4 each birthday and got 4 each for Christmas! But they play with them all at various times. I do put them all into their pile when I clean but the rest of the time they are all over the floor. No one comes to my house but if they do I don’t care as it’s my dogs house too and they can have their toys whenever they want! If you don’t like it don’t come!

Does Casper play with the toys?

I hope you managed to get more sleep last night. I’m hoping you have found even the tiniest bit of respite during the day. Even if I was just a moment with Casper. How are your teeth feeling? Has the pain reduced at all?

Hello @Captain24, so good to hear from you sweet ☺️.

I get itchy from the grass aswell and my grass is the same, doesn't matter how much i water it, it is always dry. My feet are so sensitive 😂. Fingers crossed you will get some rain soon, we will go months without rain here now unfortunately.

The stars really are beautiful, I actually did go out last night looking at them ☺️.

Oh that's so scary with your dog but I'm glad she is ok. They can overheat very quickly in the hot weather. I'm always worried about Casper being that he's all black but on hot days we only go outside to the toilet. It's good that you will be home with the heatwave, it's 41⁰ here tomorrow so my aircon will be on for both Casper and Stella ☺️.

Haha oh the amount of toys Casper has is ridiculous but he's got Stella to share them with now. Casper also got ones for Christmas and he'll get some for his birthday when he turns one. Noone comes over my house other than if someone is coming to do work here.

Casper loves his toys and is always playing with them ☺️

I got a little bit of sleep last night, the pain has eased a bit now which is good but I had to stop the antibiotics cos it was affecting my tummy.

How are you feeling today sweet?

Hi @Flutterbug9

Im suppose to be asleep but I just can’t seem to sleep. I might just get up soon and have a nap in the afternoon if I get tired.

I like the analogies of that, small pushes into more.

I have realised that some psychs can do more harm than good. I’m so lucky the hospital organised this one for me. How did your appointment go? It’s good that she wants communication from you and work the sessions with you, well that’s how it sounds so far.

The road sounds awesome. I have the buildings in my wish list in the Lego site but keep finding other ones instead! I do have the history museum here to build though. I just don’t have the room for them all. You have inspired me to re-do one of my units to see if I can fit more in. I’m going to Bunnings this afternoon, if I’m not too tired, to get some little shelves for my cube unit to be able to fit more little ones.

I want to look at the little ones, the ones tyme shared were awesome. I’d love to see yours when you do them. Those bears were so cool.

A model train set sounds awesome. I don’t think it’s weird I’d love to have one!

Th am you for trusting me and I’m sorry that things have been hard on here. I’ve had trouble with a member in the past and it’s hard and it feels like it’s an unsafe space.

Good on you for having a shower and getting some things done. At least you were able to tick some things off and have a sense of achievement. I will always help you celebrate getting something done as I know how hard it can be and being recognised for it makes it feel a little better.

I did sleep fairly well for nightshifts just struggling today coming off it. I did have an incident last night at the start of shift but no one saw it so I just reversed out of it and pretended nothing happened. I did check my truck for damage though and there was just a bit of mud so I dug it off.

How are you going? How is today for you?

Hi @AlwaysMyself I finally got here

I’m hoping mum will. I don’t really have much time left to see her in person as the days are getting shorter and I’ll have to deal with driving at dusk and dawn, perfect time for Roo’s! She knows how much I love the beach so always checks that I’m stopping in before driving home.

Im glad you made it safely. I love how happy they get to see you, it’s just unconditional love. There is nothing like it. Sorry to hear your thoughts were hard though. If you want to talk I’m here to listen.

My first nightshift went well and I had a lot of time to look at the stars. Last night started of pretty badly, I had an incident but didn’t call it up, I just reversed out and kept going as if nothing happened. It did cause a lot of anxiety though for the rest of the shift. Even driving home this morning my anxiety was really bad. It’s still pretty high now and maybe that’s why I can’t sleep. The guy at work was great. We had about 2 hours where the was a few of us just sitting around and talking. Him and I had a great conversation and he is a really great guy. We were both standing out in the storm watching the lightning.

That’s what I think about a shower, the respect of not being all stinky. I usually only shower if I’m going somewhere or after mowing lawns. My dogs don’t care if I smell and they are the only ones to see me. The whole getting dressed in the morning is hard. That’s why I live in my pyjamas!

How are you going today?

I got a good sleep for both night shifts so that was good @Ru-bee. Just not today after finishing them!

How did your Christmas go? How was hosting? I’ve been wondering especially when I was doing it Christmas Day, I thought of you doing the next day! How have you been?

Im having a little trouble with really heavy passive SI thoughts and today I’m having trouble with anxiety. Plus I’m still having issues from my surgery. Today I can even touch my stomach. I’m suppose to have a pelvic ultrasound tomorrow but I have started bleed!ng again so I can’t have it done. That means I have to go back on my hormone tablets with their depressive side effects.

Hey @MissGremlin

We don’t get rain for months either. We have been having a lot of dry storms and the lightning is starting fires. They get into it pretty quickly so there hasn’t been a lot that’s been to bad. I was looking at the paddocks on my drive home this morning and everything is so dry. One of the girls I work with has to shower at work because they don’t have enough water at home. Out of towners are buying loads of water just to get by.

It was terrifying. She is ok but we stress when she gets hot. She is t allowed to walk on hot days either. They get walked in the evening not in the middle of the day! Pix has to go in the pram with an ice pack when mum and dad talk them all for a walk.

Jett loves the sun but he is black too and his hair gets hot to touch. He much prefers the heat than the cold. Pix is the opposite. I do keep an eye on him but he doesn’t seem to get overheated. Casper may be the same. It starts with excessive panting!

I read this and wondered who Stella was, I thought I had forgotten something then I seen your post! How cute!! Being similar in age they should get on really well. Lots of playing for you to watch. Mums dog is 10 months older than Jett and they just live each other and run wild.

Im glad the pain is easing for you. It’s a shame about the antibiotics though. Is there something else you can do?

Im feeling pretty anxious today and I have stomach pain and blood loss again. I wish I never had this surgery but now I have to go through it all again in May. Most people have it done and that’s it. Nothing happens. But I fell into the 1% that have cells in their polyps and into the category that has side effects after. It’s getting me a little down today plus I was supposed to have a scan tomorrow to check if anything is wrong but now I can’t have it. I’ll have to go back on those tablets and hopefully can stop it and change the appointment to next week.

How are you travelling today?

Hello @Captain24 my sweet ☺️.

Not having rain for long periods of time sucks, everything is so dry here aswell and fires start very easily. Oh I feel for her, I used to live on a farm so we had to be careful about water usage as we only had the rainwater tank and the dam.

It is terrifying when things happen to our pets, I've been through a few scares with my previous babies. My girl that I lost in 2024 she was only 3 years old and was my assistance dog but she had renal dysplasia and started having seizures that she couldn't recover from so i had to make the hard call to let her go. Hehe Pix having to go in a pram with an ice pack, that's honestly just adorable 😍.

Casper thankfully doesn't seem fussed by the heat, I was worried yesterday cos when I took him to the oval to meet Stella it was so hot and he got so excited. It took him a while to calm down but the aircon hasn't stopped running and he had a nice cool drink so he soon cooled down. Hopefully everyone stays as cool as possible during the heatwave.

They will have lots of fun together. I had 3 dogs before so there was always lots of playing and laughs to be had. Having just 1 being Casper didn't feel right but it was just waiting for the right puppy to come along and I think we've found her ☺️.

Unfortunately it's just taking pain relief when needed, i can try another antibiotic if i need to but right now it's settled so we'll see how it goes.

I'm sorry you at feeling anxious today. Oh no that's not good about the pain and blood loss. I'm sorry that the surgery has caused so many problems for you. I'm really hoping that it settles down so that you can have the scan. I know you didn't want to take the medication either cos of the side effects especially the depression. Sending you lots of love and hugs sweet, we'll get through this ❤️.

I'm having SI today so I'm doing things to keep that at bay (I'm safe). I've got a movie on and I'm eating boiled potatoes with mushrooms, bacon, cheese and sour cream.

Totally agree @Captain24 that some psychs can do more harm than good. Psychologist I had been seeing last couple years has triggered me 3 times during that period. Last time was final appointment with her, 2nd time was only couple mths prior to that. First appointment after the 2nd time I told her for my MH I couldn’t see her anymore and told her the name of psychologist I wanted to be transferred to.

I don’t trust the new psychologist yet, she is fine with that and has said she doesn’t expect me to trust her and that she knows she needs to earn my trust.
this psychologist is a person whose face shows her feelings. Yesterday conversation went from my company at Christmas is my cats to fears of cats outliving me and being alone in my home (lots of tears) to somehow me sharing about active Si and first full plan I came close to putting into place (think I shocked her). Things ended up on positive note as I mentioned the positive affirmations I post at times. Yesterday she said she had thought about starting to work on my goals together. Has changed her mind slightly as is enjoying getting to know me

yesterday I realised apart from having printer standing on top of it, I hardly use my filing cabinet. After taking some measurements and considering few options I emptied the filing cabinet (have small number of suspension folders that need to keep due to things in them) and moved it into the garage. Blood test this morning plus expected top of 42degrees so only doing research today.

i currently have on 120cm wide chrome shelving unit The Titanic on one shelf with businesses on 2 shelves under that. On 90cm wide chrome shelving unit I’ve got businesses on 3 shelves. Yesterday saw I’ve got another 90cm wide chrome shelving unit in pieces in the garage. I’ve got The independence plus American style paddle steamer plus my bears and the little mini brick cats and dogs to find places for. I’ve been looking at Kmart at eBay at covered 3 and 4 tier stands for bricks. I’ve got review with pain management specialist tomorrow morning, will have idea how much available money I’ve got after seeing her.

not the same as the ones Tyme did, Kmart on their website show they stock lots of different design mini blocks including a clownfish.

forums are supposed to be a safe place for all of us. Following what happened I also felt unsafe and uncertain whether to stay on the forums or completely leave. I realised though that if I left I would be the only person impacted and would be worse for me.

good to hear no one was involved in the incident, you were able to keep a level head and things were easily rectified. Well done! Something for you to be proud of. 🙂

I have some photos on my iPad of my Lego buildings, clearer ones will be better. Will try to take some later and post on here within next few days, same with my mini brick cats and dogs I’ve done plus the units I’ve got