I can’t cope

I’m doing it all @rav3n. I’ve even cooked the meat today for the cold meat tomorrow night. I have the stuffing ready to put into the chick and I’ve stuffed the tomatoes. All mum and dad are doing is cutting up the ham. I’ve bought all the lollies, chocolates and everything. It’s quite expensive and a lot of work so I’m just trying to help out my parents. I may have to work Christmas Eve next year so they may end up having to do it.

My relatives that come for the night don’t bring anything. Not even a small gift or anything for a thanks. It’s ok as I have everything and don’t need them to bring anything but an offer would be nice.

We don’t have fireworks here for NYE. The council put a stop to it. But I need to be home with Pix if any are to close anyway. She is terrified of them.

Could you go with them? A picnic sounds so relaxing and easy. Somewhere nice? It’s only suppose to be 31 here so that’ll be ok.

My bath was so good. I stayed in there for 25 minutes. That’s the longest I have ever done. I usually get sick of laying and get out! The maintenance word has changed a few things for me. I see it kinda differently. I know it’s stupid but it seems to work.

Im terrible with washing my hair too. I do it after I mow the lawns as I get grass and stuff in there and I’m allergic to it so I have to wash it. Other than that I do t usually do it until it gets so dirty that I can get a brush through it!

omg that's A LOT of work!!! @Captain24 do you like cooking? i don't think i would've been able to prep such an amazing feast on my own, that's honestly an accomplishment on its own.

if you're providing all the food, i feel like they should've gotten you something, even some chocolates at the least!

i would've loved to travel interstate with my sis but my flight overseas is very close to the date that they return, so can't 🙃 i'm sure i'll figure something out, might go to a look out spot or just stay in.

glad it was that good!!! yeah i don't usually stay in baths for long, i get pruney fingers quite quickly hehe. sounds like your body needed this!

i have to head off now but i'll catch ya in the new year! i hope you have a lovely christmas, take care 💖

I don’t cook at all! I can do roasts though so that’s my saving grace. It is a lot but I’m proud of myself that I do it. @rav3n

I really hope your holiday is awesome and I’m looking forward to hearing about it when you get back.

I hope your Christmas is a joyful time for you.

Thanks for everything you have done for me this year.

Dishwasher is unpacked. Now to peel the prawns for my dinner.

The kids next door are out the back playing. They are screaming and having fun but it’s overwhelming me. There is 3 neighbours mowing their lawns and using power tools. It’s overwhelming. My dogs keep barking at every tom and Harry that feel the need to walk past. It’s overwhelming.

Im really struggling right now. Everything is too much.. I know, I’m too much. Don’t read if you don’t want to hear it.

Im past being able to cope with all the noise. Shutting all the doors doesn’t block it out. I can hear it all anyway.

Feeling pretty alone but don’t want anyone around. But then tomorrow is a huge day and I won’t be alone but it’ll be too much stimulation as well. I’ll be glad to have my own space back.

I need something to give before I do.

Hello @Captain24,

Can I gently encourage you to explore thanking yourself? It could look like simply acknowledging, "I did the thing and it took effort." Kind of like when you said this:

"Thanks for acknowledging the party, I think I planned it well."

Maintenance is a great way to look at self-care right now!! And your thread was lovely - very recovery-oriented and compassionate towards yourself. I am really proud of you for posting. 🥰

Sitting in that space of feeling is such an amazing strategy for expanding your window of tolerance - I have had to do this with my psychologist too. It really helps.

It sounds like you're showing up fully, but that your parents have also shown some appreciation, which must feel really nice. 😍

Thanking myself is weird. I don’t deserve thanks. Just that I did what I had to. @AuntGlow

Im glad you like it. I was really nervous and hesitant about it. I nearly deleted it after I posted. I haven’t been back on there though. Maintenance is a much easier way for me to think of it. It takes the pressure off.

Im going to try it. I told her I would do I have to. I need to see what I can figure out as mostly I just feel numb, but that is a feeling too. I need to work all this out.

Really struggling though. Feeling like I really don’t belong. I don’t fit in.

I don’t belong on here, I don’t belong at work, I don’t belong in life. I just don’t see any point.

I understand that feeling allll too well. I think you would be surprised how many of us here relate to this: Feeling like I really don’t belong. I don’t fit in.

That sentence alone tells me you do belong - we are all a bunch of misfits here (staff included - and they would attest to this! 🤪)

This feeling you're experiencing right now about not fitting in, is a chance to sit with discomfort and slowly rewire that belief. I know it is very strong, mine is too, but that doesn't necessarily make it true.

I wonder if you could go back to that post and look for all of the clues that suggest you do fit in? @Captain24 🫶

TW: SI

I know these thoughts and feelings are really big for you right now, but I am going to invite you to come back to the now, if you can. What might help you to feel more soothed and safe right now? @Captain24 💛

I really don’t know @AuntGlow.

What can I do to feel soothed or safe right now? I’m sitting on the lounge with Jett. Pix is snoring in another room. It doesn’t change anything? I don’t feel any safer.