I can’t cope

sitting in the sun sounds nice, i might soak some sun later too @Captain24

would something craft-related help a bit? maybe lego?

sometimes i literally just lay on my couch, have the tv on softly as 'background noise' and close my eyes. i can't even sleep, but just closing my eyes and resting helps. if my mind wanders around, i start humming songs or creating fictional stories in my mind so that it's not swept away into those darker places. i know that this doesn't necessarily work for everyone but just thought i'd share some other ways 😊

It is nice out there @rav3n. I’m making myself move the sprinklers around as I finally have my backyard looking nice. I have lawn growing in places it hasn’t ever grown in. The front is looking okish but it’s north facing so it’s harder in this harsh weather, summer and winter.

I actually didn’t think of Lego or anything. I do have a Christmas 3D puzzle that I’m almost finish so I could try that. Thank you. I can post it in the thread when it’s done, I have another one that I have done too.

I can give that a try. It’s hard on the lounge as as soon as the dogs see your eyes closed they have to jump on me!! 😜 It’s a little bit cute. I do remember them saying in hospital if you hum it’s harder to have the thoughts. I just don’t remember to do it or forget that I’m doing it at the time! But another thing I can give a go. Thank you.

I have sorted out which dog toys to give which dogs, ready to wrap and I’ve folded dad’s shirt and mums top ready to wrap. Plus I’ve got their chocolates out from the dogs. I hate wrapping and I have 11 to wrap.

It’s so so so hard to do any of it though, the sprinklers, trying to sort presents…. Everything.

I couldn’t talk myself into having a bath. I can’t talk myself into a shower either. I’ve done well and showered everyday but today I just can’t do it. So much for ‘self care’ or as we now call it, maintenance.

I really want to just give up. All those passive thoughts are too much. I know, I know… I’m too much and everyone is over hearing from me.

I really wish I could just disappear.

I am safe, it’s all just passive. Just getting it out somewhere as I have nowhere else to turn

Hey! @Captain24

I am responding to your message from last night now. 💛

Going to the Christmas party is absolutely an achievement! Good on you. And knowing when to leave is also just as important - and you did both. 🥳

Your weekend sounds so, so busy!! Do you ever find that there is space to thank yourself for all that you do?

A bath sounds divine. I know that today has been a little harder getting to practice self-care... but sometimes not pushing ourselves to engage in self-care is in fact self-care. What other kind of nurturing can you do with the capacity you currently have?

How was your appointment overall? I know you mentioned some vulnerability came up, but I am curious to know what else you took away?

That would be really, really tough... to feel dismissed and disconnected. I wonder if you could watch a movie this year? To work on healing that part of your inner child? 🥰

Hey @AuntGlow

Thanks for acknowledging the party, I think I planned it well.

No.. there is no thanks it all just has to be done and I just do it. Sometimes I can see that doing so much is an achievement but there is no thanks or reward involved.

I was suppose to put self care into my list of things to do but I didn’t. She has now worded it as maintenance instead of self care. I need to maintain my body to be able to keep going. But I really don’t know what to do. I spend time with my dogs and I sit out in the sun for a little while while I have a smoke.

My appointment was good just confronting. I have to sit an acknowledge my feelings and where they are sitting in my body. I lasted 23 seconds with her yesterday. I have to time how long I cans last and what I am doing at the time. Whether I’m sitting with the dogs or snuggling my weighted teddy.

It’s just life and how I was raised and it still continues to happen a fair bit. When they leave after lunch I’ll just prep for dinner and then might have a nap. Or maybe a bath. They were nice though as they bright me some prawns this morning since I have done and gotten everything for tomorrow. They would have helped but I wanted to do it all. They may have to do it all next year if I’m working.

hey @Captain24 how are you going? how'd the 3D puzzle go?

also wanted to quickly ask, would it be okay if we added a cover pic for your Wind-down Wednesday's post?

i'm happy for you to add one, but if you'd like me to, i can too - lmk what works for you 😊

I’ve been getting stuff ready for tomorrow. I just have about 2 hours and then everything is done. @rav3n. It’s getting really hard to keep pushing myself, I just have to look at the finish line which is close by.

I’ll get it out when it’s all done and finish it. I’ll add the other one to the thread shortly..

Yes if course you can add a pic.. I’ve got nothing so feel free to add whatever you would like. Thanks for supporting it.

@Captain24 hope you've been able to fit some mini breaks/rest in between? what's your Christmas and New Years plans looking like?

yesss no worries, take your time! i've also added a pic into the thread 😊

I just have the ironing to do and that’s everything prepped and the whole house clean. @rav3n. I have had 5 minutes here and there that I have sat down. It’s really so hard for me to push through everything to get it done. But alas it’s almost there.

Im having Christmas lunch with mum and dad here. Roast chicken, roast beef, veggies and stuffed tomatoes. Plus lots of lollies and chocolates all around the table. Then they will go home and I’ll have time to myself. Then for dinner we just do cold meat and salads. One of dad’s sisters is coming and I’m not sure about one of his brothers. Boxing Day I have an afternoon sleep ready for work that night.

New years I don’t do anything and haven’t done in probably 10 years. I’m just too old and really have nowhere to go or anyone to go with.

What are you up to for Christmas and New years?

Thanks for the pic.

Just want to add to this that I have to wait for the dishwasher to finish before I unpack it but I am currently running that bath! I have also had a shower and washed my hair. I think that counts as my maintenance for today!

Depends on how I feel after I might get that Christmas puzzle back out and finish it!

Hoping I feel much better after all of that. I can’t feel any worse.

@Captain24 woahhh you're almost done!! glad you took those 5 min breaks to sit down, i'm sure they made a difference overall.

yummmm the food sounds amazing, i'm jealous!!! is everyone doing a bit of the cooking/bringing in a platter?

not a fan of seeing fireworks? i don't have proper plans for NYs yet, usually i just spend it with my sister and cousins. but my sis and counsins are going interstate on NYs day without me 😅 for Christmas, we're having a family picnic! hopefully the weather will be nice.

enjoy your bath!!! i really do like this 'maintenance' reframe. this reminds me that i need to wash my hair tonight too, i get so lazy with it 😆