I can’t cope

I guess it’s only reasonably new. After last week I thought maybe we were on the right track @FloatingFeather. I’ve had a big day today keeping myself distracted. I’m babysitting pixie’s boyfriend. I’m soaking the fruit for the Christmas cake. Mowed the front yard and put up all the lights except the ones on the roof.

It’s getting really hard.

Just saw my GP she has requested bloods to re check my levels. One mood stabiliser is stay the same the other is still decreasing.

I feel really low and it’s slowly getting worse.

Hey @Captain24, I'm sorry to hear that things are feeling a little rocky ❤️

What are you getting up to today?

Is there anything you've done before which has helped you shake this feeling?

Sending big hugs ❤️

I’ve had my hair done but that didn’t make me feel any better @Former-Member

For the afternoon I’m babysitting pixies boyfriend again. I’m trying to find the motivation to bake the Christmas cake. It has to be done today so the fruits not left too long.

I don’t know how I got myself out of it last time. It kinda just happened.

I have no motivation for anything at all. It’s a fight that I just don’t have in me right now. I don’t have any care factor at all. I just want to curl up in my bed and not come out.

I hate that I’m here again.

Aw, dammit @Captain24 . I feel for you that this is happening. I remember watching a TV series a couple of years ago (can't recall the name of it now) about a collection of love stories. One of them was about a woman with bipolar who met a man in a grocery store and they began dating. She was super upbeat and fun when they met and on their first few dates. Then as time went on she went downhill into one of her lows and it was so so heartbreaking. It was an amazing portrayal of how it affected her whole life. I thought of my friend when I watched it and now I'm thinking of you and how tough this must be for you as I remember the way Anne Hathaway played this role.

Just want you to know you're not alone and that we're here for you.

Hanami ❤️

One step at a time @Captain24 ❤️

It sounds like last time to kinda just rode it out? From what I saw over your last down time, you were open, honest and reached out for help on the forum and with your support team. I also saw you holding onto hope, even in very dark times that this would pass. While they might not seem like a lot, they were important things you did ❤️

Go gentle on yourself - it sounds like looking after pixies BF could be nice and if you get around to making a cake, then that's a bonus ❤️

Thanks @hanami. I actually just looked it up but it’s on Amazon prime and I don’t have that. It would’ve been nice to watch it and have something to relate to. I don’t know anyone with bipolar. I did watch a movie on Netflix and the guy had bipolar but it was nothing like what I’m going through.
It’s pretty hard to deal with. One week you can be sky high and doing dangerous and risky things. The next week you can be suicidal. The next week you can be stable. But I don’t know what each week will bring. I’ve kept my diagnosis pretty quiet so everyone just thinks I’m really moody.

Thanks @Former-Member for pointing out how I did it. I got through it before and I will again. But I am further down than I really want to admit. I think it’s going to be a really rocky ride.
Gus is really sweet and they both run wild. It’s awesome to see them together. I did just finish the cake. Now it’s baking for 4 hrs.

I think I need help.

What's happened @Captain24 ? Are you okay?