I can’t cope

I feel like I’m on the edge. Just not sure which way I’ll fall. Hypo or depressed. It’s really unsettling after spending 8 days feeling stable.

I finished work this morning on such a high and proud of my achievements. But now I’m stumbling. I don’t want to go back there. But I feel the spiral.

I can’t get to sleep. I have so many intrusive thoughts going around in my head.

I’ve been stable for a week and it was so good. I thought I was through the worst of it. I’m now falling back into the dark. How can I stop it? Is there anything or do I just have to ride it out again? Is this what my life will be like with bipolar?

Aw, @Captain24

I was actually just going to ask how you were as I saw you mentioned last night that you couldn't sleep. It sucks big time that you feel like you are falling into darkness again. One of my very good friends has bipolar. She's on medication and no longer has the 'highs' but still has the 'lows'. She does say she doesn't fall as far into darkness as she used to and seems to come out of it a little easier. Do you have your mental health nurse available to call this week? I imagine if you didn't sleep well last night that's going to make you feel pretty lousy.

Thinking of you

Hanami ❤️

Hi @Captain24,

I'm sorry to read you are feeling this way, particularly after you were feeling so good. A close family member of mine has bipolar (diagnosed 20 years ago) and while it was a bumpy road initially once they got the medication that suited them they have been fairly stable since. Keep reaching out and let us know how you are going. We are here to support you through this - I know it's not easy but you are not alone.

Big hugs,

FloatingFeather

Hi @hanami @FloatingFeather

My nurse is on holidays for 2 weeks. I do have a GP appointment tomorrow. We are still increasing one medication and decreasing another. I’m going to ask if I can stay on what I was on last week but I think that has to come from the psychiatrist. I she her in 3 weeks.

@hanami its helpful to know that your friend doesn’t fall far and comes out of it easier. The highs are the best part though!

@FloatingFeather you give me hope that I may eventually be stable!

Thank you both for sharing it helps me understand.

After last week being so good and falling this week I’m back to struggling to accept that this is life long. There is still so much I need to learn and understand.

@Captain24 my friend said she misses her hight soooo much lol.. She is an artist and all her creative 'juices' would flow when she was 'up'. She is still an amazing talent as far as I'm concerned but she feels she misses being up all night and painting like she used to.

It sounds like a good idea to ask to stay on what you were on for now.

And yes we will always be here for you. All the peer workers on these forums are pretty special if I do say so myself hehe.

I’ve discovered that if I miss a dose of the anti depressant/anti anxiety that puts me into a high @hanami. It is a consideration right now!

My GP is all I have right now and she is leaving in January. My nurse will be back for a week and then off again for Christmas shut down I don’t know how long that is as I was to scared to ask. The week she is back I’m working. She will be there for the psychiatrist appointment but I have to get up early as I’m on night shift.

Yes you are all awesome and basically my only support until after New Year.

Go easy on yourself @Captain24 - from my family member's experience it took time to adjust and better understand bipolar. Also what medicines, therapies, professional teams etc worked best for them. It was a time of adjustment and it wasn't always easy but it did get better and so will things for you too 🙂