I can’t cope

I’ve just had a shower and tried breathing in the steam. @AuntGlow. It slowed my breathing down. I think I might go to bed and try and sleep. I had my meds a few hours ago so hopefully they will knock me out quickly. I’m going to put on thunderstorms. Hopefully they will calm me down.

Im like this now. How am I going to cope tomorrow???

See? You are all over it!! @Captain24

Meds and thunderstorms sound like a perfect way to rest for the evening.

Hmm... imagine my voice telling you to practice trusting yourself, because tonight was proof that you have answers and you can absolutely handle hard things.

But also, we will be here to talk, so please don't hesitate to message us.

We know you can handle this, but we also don't want you to be alone.

In the meantime, big hugs!! 💛

@Captain24 hi lovely, just wanted to check in on how you're going after your surgery. I hope that you take all the time you need to rest and recover afterwards and I look forward to hearing from you when you're feeling up to it, but please take your time. We'll be thinking of you 💕

Thanks for checking @Ru-bee. I managed to keep my anxiety at a manageable level. So I am actually proud of myself.

I’ve just woken up and in really drowsy and in so much pain. Just waiting to be discharged. Feeling kinda like I’m drunk.

I'm proud of you too @Captain24!

I'm sorry to hear about the pain, will the rest of the day just be sleeping once you get back home? I know strong pain relief always just knocks me out and all I can do is sleep

Thanks @Ru-bee

Im still waiting for the doctor. It’s been ages.

I’ve had so much medication for pain but it won’t stop. I guess I’ll just have to deal with it.

If I ever get home, I will have a smoke and then go start to bed. Im starving and desperate for a smokes it’s been since 8pm last night.

We are stopping for lunch, whenever we get out of here.

We are about half an hour from home. I don’t feel as tired and sick after having some lunch

My pain is still pretty bad and the seat belt isn’t helping. But I’m nearly there.

I am home. Just sitting on the lounge trying to not fall asleep. I’m so tired. I didn’t sleep well last night either. I was too stressed. I used all the strategies that my psych gave me except for handover the cards for the words I didn’t think I’d be able to say but I said them.

I used my spiky ring the whole time in the drive over and just talked to mum. She sat with me in the waiting room until they took me in. She even asked how I was going. I told her that it wasn’t has bad as I thought. I messaged her when I was nearly ready to be picked up and she was already waiting. She can be a good mum. It was so nice to see the other side of her. I talked all the way home, I don’t remember half the trip just know it felt like a really long way to get home.

Im in a lot of pain, not sure that I can take anything though after all the pain relief they gave me at hospital.

Ot turns out that I had 3 polyps. I have to call tomorrow to get a medical certificate and to make a new appointment. He said to just do Telehealth as, after Friday he wound be back here before Christmas. If I have any trouble in the next couple of days I’m to go and see him while he is here Friday. I’m just to go up and tell the receptionist that I have to see him and he will see me. I think that is amazing. I guess going private really has its benefits.

Im still not feeling anywhere near ok mentally but it was an overwhelming day and I'm really tired and drugged up. I’m trying to take all that into consideration. Tomorrow is a new day.

I want to thank you all for your support with all of this. I have really appreciated it.

@Ru-bee @AuntGlow @Jynx @tyme

Glad that you're back home @Captain24 what a long day this must have been!

I'm glad you got to see that side of your mum today and feel supported throughout this. I imagine it would've been really good to know she was there with you 💜

It feels like a huge day @Ru-bee. I’m going to give the dogs dinner earlier than usual and have an early night. It all feels too much right now.

I don’t have anyone staying with me tonight so for safety mum is going to ring before she goes to bed at around 11:30 and then when she wakes up at 5:15. All I have to do is answer and roll over and go back to sleep. It’s just to make sure that I wake up and don’t die in my sleep. Which apparently can happen!

Having her care is amazing, I can’t even explain how much gratitude I have for her at the moment. Her driving did scare me though!