I can’t cope

Oooh nice to have that break for a few days @Captain24 and I see you've got a week off coming up! I've got one too, I think it might even be around the same time, though I don't have a trip planned for mine, it'll just be spent doing some self-care, I might try to get to the beach or out in nature or something. Just want to have a bit of a refresh!

I've been pretty good. Daylight savings has got me tired today. I got up thinking I had a counselling appointment so I got ready really fast but then I realised it was actually on Wednesday and I could've slept in longer. Oh well...

How are you today? Hope you're getting some time to rest 😊

It’s good to have a few days but this is my short break off 😔 @Ru-bee. I’ve just taken 4 days off work but it works out to be two weeks away from work. We are going to the coast on the 16th of October and will be back the week later.

A refresh is good and just some time off, to like you say, refresh. How far is the beach from you? I wish it wasn’t 4 hours away. I have a psych appointment in person in November, my first one after 8 weeks! I want to get there early so I can spend sometime sitting at the beach. I will be able to have lunch at the beach afterwards as well though. It’s on the south coast and holidays is in the hunter region so to totally different beaches and areas.

Im glad all is good. Daylight savings affects a lot of people. It puts most people out of sync, bugger about the sleep in. At least you remembered before you go there! I’m lucky I worked over night so it just shortened my shift by and hour and I got the same amount of sleep that I usually get on nightshift. I didn’t lose anything other than an hours pay! The night went quick though.

Im tired and pretty miserable. Iv had a cold going on for about two weeks and just can’t shake it. I don’t think the weather is helping. It gets so cold at night especially around 5 o’clock. Last night I went to work and I was so hot as I had my hi-vis on, a singlet and a jumper and it was 26 degrees. But then when I had my break at 4:30 I was cold. I jumped in the car at 7 and it said that it was 7 degrees. That’s a lot of temperature change to mess with your body. Plus I have the usual female stomach cramps and can’t stand anything on my belly. I have no motivation and I’m tired. I slept from 9 until 1 though so I shouldn’t be feeling this tired. I am trying to talk myself into getting the washing off the line. I washed my work clothes before I went to bed this morning.

Going to the coast sounds lovely @Captain24

I don't live quite that far from the beach, probably about 45 minutes drive to my nearest one, though that'd be a city beach by the bay in Melbourne. If I really want a beach day I like to go somewhere with waves so I'll usually drive down to the surf coast which is about 1.5-2 hrs drive and I might take a big soft surfboard and try to surf.

Ooh yes I remember when I worked in bars it was always great when my 4am finish was brought forward an extra hour by daylight savings! I was very happy to give up an hour's pay to get home sooner.

Those big shifts in temperature can definitely wreak havoc! Sometimes I imagine what it'd be like to live somewhere with more stable temperatures compared to Victoria's wildly fluctuating weather. I'm sorry to hear about your cold that's lingering, it is awful not feeling well and can really affect your mood. I hope you start feeling better soon.

I’m not a fan of the whole Sydney beaches, it’s too touristy and busy. @Ru-bee. Plus I don’t like the city anyway, too many people, too much noise, too much hustle and bustle. Now I understand that that’s an autistic nightmare. I always knew something was wrong with me when everyone else raves over being in the city.

I love beaches with waves! I can just sit and watch it for hours and walking along the waters edge is so peaceful and grounding. If I lived that close I’d go quite often. Pix would love it. She loves the beach. Do you surf? What’s a soft surfboard? Remember country kid here.

It doesn’t matter about the hours pay as I got paid triple time from midnight until 7 this morning as it’s a public holiday so I won’t notice the missed hour!

I can imagine that I would be nice to leave earlier, it would be hard work and there is no way I could do it. I don’t do people well, yet I spent 25 years in retail before I jumped ship.

In summer it’s not as noticeable as it can be 40 degrees during the day and then get down to around 25-30 of a night so it’s not quite as cold. 25 at night though is cool and I still want a jumper, it’s not that low often though.

One set temperature sounds good. It’s extreme weather out here too, it gets ridiculously cold like -6 in winter, up to the beautiful 40+ in summer. The days themselves can be very mixed. The other day it was mid twenties and really really windy and then the temperature plummeted to low teens and it was freezing.

I don’t know what I’m doing wrong for me not to be able to shake it. I’m eating ok, taking cold and flu tablets and multivitamins. My chest hurts from coughing so much. No it doesn’t help mentally wise, all I want to do is be in bed. However I have to break that these days off as I have stuff to do and I have to pack my bag to go away.

A soft board is like a beginner board @Captain24 they're typically really big too so it's a bit easier to balance 😂 So no, I wouldn't say I can surf. I can stand up on a surfboard and I think it's good fun but it's definitely not something I'm skilled at or anything.

I was going to write a longer response but it's already 6! I have no idea where the last hour went but I've got to skedaddle!

Have a good night and I'll chat again soon 😊

Oh that makes sense @Ru-bee. I’m glad you can stand up. I use to want to learn to surf but it’s just too far away. I have done paddle boarding though.

I hope you have a good night.

Good evening @Captain24,

I am so glad to hear your medication is helping you, big win! 🫶

You didn't get anything wrong. Perhaps we can view this as a part of you that felt overwhelmed about the unknown because it was scared? And that just means this part of you needs some extra love and care in those moments, not that you did anything wrong. ☺️

Ooh, lovely! How are you feeling about your time away with them?

Some reprieve at the beach will be very welcome, I am sure.

I am sorry about the Lego kits! I am sure you were excited to get stuck into them... when are they due?

It's okay, I know how important ticking things off your list is... could you potentially add one small, nourishing thing in there at the end? (You can also tick that off!)

Hi @AuntGlow

Sorry I was an asleep. I was really tired after nightshift.

Iy seems to help with nightshift but not so much during the days when I’m not working. Maybe that’s me just being fat and lazy. But I really have to push myself this block off. I have to mow the lawns as there is too many snakes about and I’m away next week. I have to pack my bag these days off as I get home from work Wednesday morning and need to try and get some sleep, clean the house and bath the dogs. As we leave about 8:30 Thursday morning.

I did get it wrong. I’m so stupid and keep reading things the wrong way. Maybe it’s just that I see things in the negative and still feel uncertain on here. It has affected me greatly and yes.. I’m scared, I’m scared of saying or doing the wrong thing and scared of being in more trouble. I’m scared of being rejected once again. The rejection has stuck with me and hurt me immensely. I do understand it was all my own fault though. There is no one else to blame. I actually have tears in my eyes as I write this. I’m still really struggling with it even though I’m trying and trying not to show it. I try to think about everything before I post. I’m too scared to say how I’m really feeling for fear of getting into trouble. I’m just keeping all my emotions and my need to talk to myself.

I always get anxious about being away with them. Sometimes it goes well and others it totally doesn’t. I never know which way they are going to fall. I’m just glad of my break away from them. Plus I get to be at my happy place alone.

Oh they have arrived, they are just sitting there. I haven’t packed them away with the rest of them. There is a couple that I really want to do but just don’t have time.

I don’t know what to add. Nourishing things are not something that I currently understand. It’s like I don’t have the energy to think or the mindset to think of them. If I get my lists done I’m just exhausted. I’m going to have to push really hard and do a lot of convincing self talk. I’ve just woken up and my self talk isn’t very nice. It’s ’you have to do this’ ‘you are so lazy get up and do it’ ‘if you will just fail again’

Hey @Captain24 just wanted to come in and respond to a few of your feelings and fears that you expressed here:

Firstly, that's a really interesting insight that the way you feel on the forums with this uncertainty might be affecting the way you interpret posts. This is something that happens to all of us and it can be really hard to recognise when it's happening. An exercise that can help is after we've read something that we interpret as being in a harsh or rude or negative tone, try to re-read it but this time imagine the person is speaking in a kind or happy tone. If it makes sense when read in both tones it might be a sign that we could be adding our own meaning and assumptions to the words written. Does that make sense?

Second, you're never in trouble. We never apply guidelines with an aim of telling members off or treating them like a naughty kid. I understand why it might feel that way, and why it might feel like rejection, but we're always going to be here wanting to work through this stuff with you.

Lastly, on a completely different note - that's so cool that you've paddle boarded before, that's something I've always wanted to try! It's on the list of things I want to do on my next holiday

Hope the morning has been gentle for you so far

I can try that @Ru-bee. I instantly go to the worst case scenario as that’s always been my life. Everyone has always thought bad of me and I was always put down or left out. I was always told that I was never good enough. I never got compliments or any respect. I’ve never even been told ‘I love you’ in 48 years. It’s hard to change the feeling of not being wanted when I’ve never been wanted or cared for by anyone. Especially when everything I did involved punishment, not the being sent to your room kind. Mum always tells us her life would have been so much better if she never had the horrible kids she got.

Whatever I did I always got into trouble. Everything I do I feel

like I’m going to get into trouble. I stress at work that I’ll do something wrong and get into trouble. The digger operator pulled up early the other morning and I was scared I was going to get into trouble for not getting the last load, for putting my truck computer system into a delay 15 minutes early. Everyone does it but I’m scared I’ll get blamed. On Friday night a guy called me up and wanted me to go to a different channel. He got there and my first response was ‘what’d I do?’

I know this has happened to most people but it has stuck with me. It’s so deeply engrained that even whipper snippering the lawn had me stressed just then as I’m worried mum and dad will say it’s not done properly.

That’s my fear of being constantly in trouble. That’s why I have reacted so badly. Getting the email to ban me was me in trouble. I get the guidelines and understand that they are important but also when you see others say more inappropriate things it feels personal.

I hope this puts into a little context of why my brain goes where it does. I know and understand I’m not the only one and I need to get over it but it’s hard.

I know people think I’ve had it easy as everyone else has been through so much worse so I shouldn’t complain.

It is good but I’ve only done it in still water. It’s hard work but relaxing at the same time, actually paddling and balancing is tough but when you just stand out there watching the fish under your feet or the dolphins close by it’s amazing.

So far I have cleaned my entire house and whippet snippered the backyard and now I’m about to go and mow it. It’s taking a massive amount of self talk!