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Something’s not right

I can’t cope

I can’t cope

Hi. I’m new and have never been in anything like this before.
I’m really struggling with depression at the moment and just need a place to vent.
there is no reason as to why I feel this way. I just hate myself and feel like I’m an unworthy and useless person. I don’t have a partner or many friends. I feel like I keep pushing them away when I’m down. I’m just not worthy of them. I hate life and just wish I would go to sleep and not wake up. I feel so much emotional pain inside but numb at the same time. None of this makes any sense but it just how I feel.

29335 replies

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In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Thanks for letting me know! I'll have a look at the photos.

LOL re your friend. I totally get you. I think if you've lived alone for a long time, having people around can only be in small doses. When I'm at my sister's house, I just walk off... too demanding. @Captain24

How'd your psych appt go?

The filming sounds interesting. Was your whole day taken up with the appt today?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

I loved spending all day with my friend from yesterday. Yes I was tired by the end of it but it was great. The friend today, I met up with her at Wollongong and she drained my battery really fast.

My psych appointment is in the morning and then I’m driving the four hours home!

Did you visit the family today?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Oh Yeah! Today's not 'Tuesday'. I knew you were going on Tuesday to the psych,.. lol. Shows you my brain!

I'm down to 1 sticky note now at least. @Captain24

I guess it's good to have a range of friends. You know which friend you can look to at different times in your life. Some are beter at some points than another.

What are you going to do to recharge your battery tonight?

Oh, and yes, I visited the family today again. It's messier than I first thought...

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

It’s ok. I’m struggling with what day it is. I had to work out where I was supposed to be and where I was staying. I was so lost in my mind! @tyme

I don’t see these ones, the one today I don’t really say much to but the one yesterday I can share anything with!

I’ve just had dinner at the pub and now I’m just sitting here watching tv. There’s not much I can do. I need to work out what to do when I get home to look after myself and reset. Don’t get me wrong.. I’m enjoying my time but the socialisation is hard. Plus this wet weather and the cold is hard too.

Can you talk about it or you would rather not?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Totally get you there @Captain24 re socialising! It's so so stressful! It's like you need to recuperate after sharing too much. Also, what I found is that if I haven't seen the person in a long time, I tend to stay for too long, and I don't realise how exhausted I am until after I leave!

With this family, when I say messy, there's a lot of legal things happening for them. I believe there is a whole team supporting them, but they are just lost. I think I'll only do my little part and leave the rest to everyone else. I wont be one to do miracles. I'll just go and drop off some food hampers to them tomorrow, then walk away, knowing the kids have food.

What time do you think you'll get home tomorrow?

In response to: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

I just saw your wollongong photos. Did you know years ago, I went to uni in wollongong @Captain24 ? I can't even remember what I was studying. I THINK it was early childhood education.

I've been to so many different unis in different states that I don't even remember anymore!

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

I’m glad you get it @tyme. I’m lucky to be away without parents or dogs and don’t want anyone to think I wasn’t grateful because I really am and have enjoyed myself. Tomorrow could be different depending on how hard she pushes me!!

Im glad you are protecting yourself and knowing your boundaries. You should be proud of what you have done

You have done so much. I like how you don’t even know what you studied!

Im not sure what time I’ll get home. I need to pop into Katoomba to go to pet barn on the way home. Maybe around 4 ish.

Oh I forgot the one note left! Well done!! Does it feel good?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

Well, about 15 years ago, I lost my beanie in Katoomba. So if you see a pink and grey beanie in Katoomba, take a photo and send it through. I'll go collect it! I borrowed this beanie from my sister and I lost it during a stop at Katoomba. She's never forgotten, nor have I!

Re the unis, I know what I studied and where I studied. I just don't remember where I studied each course! I've got education, psychology, medicine/law, chiropractics, counselling, inclusion courses from about 4-5 different unis! And some were done online which means I never even when onsite so I can't remember.

Out of all my degrees and stuff, did you know I know even know where the certificates or transcripts are? I remember paying Macquarie Uni for some transcripts, but I don't know where the others are.

Oh, and the 1 remaining sticky note feels great, but I'm mindful I might get more sticky notes tomorrow! @Captain24

As for your session, some of the most helpful sessions are the ones where there is a bit of a push. Not too much, but enough to feel uncomfortable.

All the best with the session tomorrow. Do you have specific things you want to work on tomorrow with the psych?

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

I’ll keep an eye out! @tyme 😜 It’ll be cold going through there.

That’s a lot! How did you manage it all with your MH?

At least it’ll be new stuff not stuff that’s been hanging over your head.

I actually don’t know what to discuss. I’m concerned it’ll be a waste of her time and my money.

In response to: Re: I can’t cope

Re: I can’t cope

@Captain24 ! Sorry, I got caught up on a training course I had to complete. I've been putting it off, and tonight, I thought.. just do it! At least I can tick it off my list when i finish it!

Although I've done all those courses, don't ask me what I've learnt. I feel my brain was on another planet. I remember being inpatient and studying because I had assignments due - hectic, eh?

Oh, and I didn't finish medicine/law because I hated it. It just wasn't for me. I only did it because I had credits that would carry over that that course.

Have a think about what you want to go through with your psych tomorrow. You may not do it all, but worth a think.

Katoomba's always cold!

Have you been to Tumut? I find the hydro scheme project here amazing. I remember going to the national park there and all the kangaroos are everywhere!

Have a safe trip if I don't get to 'see' you again tonight.

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