I can’t cope

Just re-read the thread and saw you've had covid three times! Jeepers that's rough. I was watching the news last night about the spike in cases and find it hard to believe my family haven't had it at all. I remember reading that one theory was that if you had a lot of cold viruses as a child you are less likely to get covid. Just a theory but I find it really interesting about who gets it and who doesn't. I really hope this is the last time for you. ❤️

Yes @hanami 3 times. Each time it gets worse. I didn’t pick this one up until day 3 because of my hypo last week.

It does feel like I can’t win but I’m just laughing it off. It’s a pretty bad cycle though. In the last week I’ve gone from being suicidal to elevated back down (which I think was due to Covid) then back to the possible start of an elevation. She was happy for me though as she hasn’t seen me like this. We just talked and laughed all the way through the app. Nothing was achieved but she was monitoring my reactions. That’s why I have to go back in Friday.

The biggest advice she gave me was to do good sleep hygiene. I have to have a shower before bed every night and set my aircon onto a set temp to try and get a restful sleep. It’s supposed to get pretty cold here overnight and she doesn’t want me to risk waking up. Apparently if I can sleep well it should hopefully prevent the elevation going any further. If I get out of control and dangerous like last week I have to call her straight away.

It sounds like she's a good MH nurse. I used to work with some amazing nurses. A few were not so great but the majority were. I was in community mental health.

Fingers crossed for you all goes well in the coming days ahead.

❤️

She is fantastic. You hear a lot of negative things about the comm health but I can’t fault them at all.

Did you enjoy your work? @hanami

Hopefully it all settles down this yo-yoing is really hard work!

That's so good to hear @Captain24

I loved it but it became really hard to go and see people because of covid. We got a new manager and things changed. So I ended up leaving. It was really good though. I loved seeing people face to face and made some great connections.

I'll next be around at the end of the week, so will catch up on how you're going then.

❤️

So I’ve woken up in a really good place! I’m feeling so good.

This is certainly has been a roller coaster of journey considering 2 weeks ago I was so close to ending it all. But with the support on here especially @amber22 @Former-Member and @tyme I made it through and right now I’m so glad I did. I haven’t felt so happy to be alive for a long time. I know need to learn how to maintain it.

I think or hope this is the real me shining through!

My nurse is very concerned though and has made me an emergency psychiatrist appointment for tomorrow. I’m a little apprehensive about it as I don’t want to have my meds changed as I think they are helping me enjoy life!

@Captain24 ❤️ Good morning!

It's such a powerful thing that you're glad you made it through ❤️ It must feel really special to have such a zest for life!

I wonder if there's a way to hold onto that feeling for if you feel low again? I know when I was really unwell and having strong thoughts of suicide, I used to read back on letters I had written when I was feeling well. It helped me remember that the dark times pass, eventually ❤️

It does feel so good @Former-Member. It’s made me realise that I can make it through even when I can’t see it.

I journal everyday but up until now it’s mostly been negative. That’s a good idea to write negative me letters to be able to look back on. Especially when I am so good. I can put them at the front of my journal to be a reminder.

Im hoping if I can keep my eating pattern and sleeping pattern right, I can hold onto this. My nurses concern is that I’m still elevated from last weeks hypo. But oh well I’m enjoying it.

so wonderful about journaling. It's something I'm trying to get in the habit off @Captain24! Any pointers?

And I meant being able to refer back to positive journal entries maybe. So that you can remember that you "can make it through even when I can’t see it."

And sounds like you know yourself really well and what you need to feel good ❤️ I bet that will help ease the worries of the MH nurse!

What are you getting up to today?

Many years ago when I was a store manager my area manager use to say to put a notepad beside my bed.

So that when I got to bed and was thinking about all the things I had to do the next day I could just jot them down and I’d be able to sleep knowing I didn’t need to try and remember them. So I’ve applied this to my journal. It’s beside my bed and I write how my day was and how I was feeling.

As for today, my housework is done and I’ve showered. So I’m just doing some mindfulness by doing my diamond art. I might take Pixie for a walk later and I’m considering mowing the lawn. I was going to do that tomorrow but now that I have 2 appointments I don’t really have the time to fit it in.

What are you up to?