I can’t cope

I have a few meetings outside SANE tomorrow. I haven't actually looked at my calendar, but will tonight @Captain24

My niece has just snuck into my bed... hrmmm...

She's supposed to be in her own bed on school nights...

I'm a softie. I can't say no.

I don't get it because I'm in my office so she's alone anyway....

OMG.. I couldn't cope with not looking at my calendar yet. @tyme. We are so different in that respect! Hope your meetings go well.

I have nothing on tomorrow, other than house stuff, but I have a psych appointment on Tuesday. I am concerned as I don’t know if I can tell her everything. I wish it was in person so I could just hand her a piece of paper. I don’t know if I can say it out loud.

I don’t know how you do it.. I couldn’t do people around me so much. Especially in my bed all the time. I know you are helping and spending as much with them as you can. I get your reasons. But hats off to you. It’d lead me down a path of destruction.

Without the kids, I wonder if I'll turn into a grumpy old thing... I feel like I'm turning into one already. I'm so short-fused.

With your psych appt, it sounds like this psych is more able to work through things with you. Feel free to tell as much or little as you are able. Remember, they are not mind readers. So if you want them to know something, you gotta tell them. @Captain24 This seems so obvious, but I actually had to be explicitly taught this as part of MBT treatment. As a borderline, you jump to assume what people are thinking, when the majority of the time, it's wrong. Hence part of MBT was about being curious as asking questions instead of jumping to conclusions. If handing over a piece of paper helps, write and if she takes it, all good, but if not, read it.

Maybe that’s my problem!! @tyme. I’m the grumpy dog lady. Maybe being around more people would make me less grumpy. I’d understand why you have a short fuse. You are around people all the time and having young kids that like to press your buttons.

Telehealth makes it so much harder. I can’t just hand it to her but yes.. if I do t tell her she won’t know. It was part of the Telehealth ‘deal’ that I remain honest at all times. I’m going to try and write something out and read it to her. If I can.

Whats MBT?

Oh! It's telehealth! I forgot! Yes, that makes it slightly harder to 'hand over' lol. In a way, I'm glad you made the deal to stay honest. I hear it can be hard, especially with how low things have been. @Captain24

Or maybe, tomorrow will be an outlet for you to say what you need to and get it off your chest?

MBT is mentalisation based therapy. I had this therapy for just over 18 months. It was part of my therapy for BPD.

I’m hoping I can open up with it all. @tyme. She needs to know. Like you said she can’t help me if she doesn’t know. It helps that she saw me in hospital in a bad way. If I get it all out it’s then out in the open. Which I’m kinda scared about.

I’ve never heard of that before. Is it just a BPD thing?

True. She's seen you in your most vulnerable state. I don't anything will surprise her then. She may even be able to give you an explanation for why things may be happening. This may help you realise it's not so abnormal after all @Captain24

MBT is a relatively new therapy in Australia. I reckon it is helpful for a lot of conditions, but it is long term therapy. You can't just have a few sessions. Hence, they don't just whip out the therapy to anyone as it would be super costly. So it's more for those were all therapy hasn't worked, and then you give that a go.

It is a few hours every week. You have about 1.5-2hours of group therapy and an individual therapy session weekly. So in total, over the course of the treatment, it's nearly 200 hours of therapy. I found I changed heaps after it but it wasn't until about 6 months after treatment that I noticed change.

Anyway, I have to wrap up. It was great chatting with you.

Hope to see you later this week. Take care my friend and all the best for this week.

Thank you so much for chatting with me tonight. I’ve really appreciated it @tyme. It feels like ages since we just chatted. You’ve kept me distracted. Thank you

I appreciated it too. Hugs @Captain24

Good night.

Jett woke me up early this morning. What I wouldn’t do for a sleep in. I’m really tired. I have no motivation or energy. I’m feeling really low.