I can’t cope

Hey @Captain24 ,

No, I don't watch TV because I don't enjoy it.

You know what I realised? I may have inattentive ADHD. I think that is why I can't watch shows. I struggle to stay focused. I'm thinking about getting tested, but I'm also asking myself if I should. I'm not sure I want to be on meds.

I never considered I have ADHD. I can see others that do, including my niece, but I've never noticed it in myself. Jynx gave me 2 online surveys to do, and both conclude I most likely have had ADHD.

I'm talking in circles... only last week, two different people in two totally different areas (and don't know each other) mentioned I have it...

Sorry it's all about me.

You dad has a lot of siblings. What about your mum?

That’s interesting @tyme. Better to be all about you than all about me. It’s a nice shift.

Do you think it could change things for you for the better? Maybe it might help with sleep and stuff?

I have done an online test for it too! But I don’t know how to go about getting tested. But I’m also like.. do I need another diagnosis, do I want more meds..

Dad is one of 10 there is only 7 left so 6 of them got together last night. Mum is one of 7 but the youngest we have disowned. This sounds horrible but I don’t care about him at all. I couldn’t care if he was alive or not.

What???! That's a lot of siblings! Are they both Indigenous? @Captain24 You've got a huge family. I'm thinking you probably have a lot of nephews and nieces?

Now that I've read more about ADHD, it explains a lot of my childhood. It's makes a lot of sense that people thought there was something wrong with me as a kid. They all thought I was a 'brick' - nothing going in and nothing coming out....

I was seriously 'slow'...

I was never hyperactive or anything though... just lost.

I am one of 19 grandkids on dad’s side and there is 12 on mums side. 2 of those aren’t really known. Plus there is an extra 2 that were adopted out. @tyme

I was hyperactive. I couldn’t sit still I was always outside running around. We were never inside. School work was easy though until the senior years when I had to actually study. I couldn’t focus enough to study. I still can’t sit still. I may spend all day I. The lounge but I move constantly.

Thats sad that that’s what they thought of you. Look at you now! You proved them wrong! I’m extra proud of you to overcome that and become who you are today.

Wow! That's pretty amazing @Captain24 . Huge family.

I'm not sure what happened to me... it was as though after my MH challenges, therapy helped me overcome a lot of things and 'wake up'.

I was in a meeting last week, and I really struggled with filtering out noise. This was when I became quite concerned. I honestly tried so hard, but just couldn't.

My BIL was very upset today. You know how I mentioned he is so gentle? He was working on some outdoor work with people today. He was giving the people water because it was so hot. Then this guy, for some reason, got furious at him because he didn't get given water first. He threw the cup of water on my BIL. My BIL took the first one and thought it was a joke... but then the guy got furious and did it again.

My BIL came home and was so so upset....

I feel so sad for him. He's such a gentle guy so people target him.

Yeah it’s huge plus I know all of dad’s cousins too. We have a family reunion occasionally and there is 70+ invited. @tyme. I know some of mums but her family isn’t as close. Dads are all close.

Im glad you got to see the other side. That it helped you become an amazing human.

I don’t do noise either. I hate it and can’t focus. Last night at dinner there was a table near us that was so noisy we could barely hear ourselves. I was getting so agitated. I kept fidgeting in my seat. I kinda shut down.

That’s so sad about your BIL. I don’t know how someone could do that especially when he was being thoughtful. He sounds like such a sensitive soul.

You just gave me a realisation. I’m an easy target too, maybe that’s what’s happening at work? Plus I was bullied a lot at school as it was so easy.

Oh! You went OUT for dinner! I thought you went to your parents @Captain24

Yeah, I'm really sensitive to noise. You know how people listen to music? I can't handle it because it gets me agitated... I wonder if this is part of the ADHD? Jynx gave me a dr I could see. I'm not sure yet. I have to think about it.

Yeah, my poor BIL. He's just too kind. He's been a target for a long time...

I don't know. It's not easy. For me, I was targeted by people and bullied, and I actually think this turned me into a bully later... it's so sad.

I also know another kid who was bullied so much, so she would look up come backs online and she turned into the most horrible and sour person in the world. It's terrible to see. I used to look after this kid. She's about 25 now and just horrible to be around.

Yeah we were at a pub. @tyme. They do the best schnitties in town.

I can’t really listen to music. I can do it at times but you will very rarely walk into my house and hear music. It’s also why I’ll be sitting on the lounge with the tv off.

I guess we are all different in the way we handle it. I still feel very vulnerable to bullies. I have been known to be harsh with others but nothing like I’ve ever received. I do get why bullied turn into bullies because you get in first. I’m really sensitive and never want anyone to feel like I do or did. Little things upset me. I don’t know if you’ve seen that of me. I really lack the confidence to stand up for myself or even have conversations incase it leads to something being said about me.

It’s sad that she has turned sour.

Bullying can do so much damage and affects you for life in different ways. My niece was a bully and my brother was proud. He was bullied.

It's not easy at all.

I wish I could change the world, but I've resigned to the fact that I can't. @Captain24 In a way, I feel that much much stronger people have gone before me and not succeeded, so I may as well focus on the things i can change.

The guy that threw water on my BIL is just outside the house. I wonder if he's come to apologise. I'm not listening, but I can hear muffled voices outside.

About 10 mins ago, my BIL got a call. He said the guy is coming over. I hope my BIL is okay.

I just try and be myself. I know I’m not much of a person and don’t have much to offer but that’s who I am. That’s why I distance myself from others @tyme

I hope he is but sometimes they don’t even know what effect their actions have. I’m thinking of him.

Do you have plans for tomorrow?