I can’t cope

I hate doing my own lawn @Jynx. It takes about 2 hours to mow the front and back. Weed n feeding it will make it grow so it’ll take me longer! Plus there is rain due at the end of the week. That’ll make it grow even more. I haven’t whipper snippered the edges either. That would probably take an hour.

There is so many that cheat. I’ve been the other woman more times than I care to admit, in my last life. But it’s the excitement I think and no attachment. I’ve never really wanted anyone in my life. I now understand why. I only did it because they wanted it.

Im not even sure of the life I want to live. I’ve never really had the chance. I’m just the good daughter and fell like I have fit into society norms to an extent. I would like a small motorhome and travel around aus. But I have a mortgage to pay.

@Captain24 you and me both haha I don't even have THAT much lawn but I still wait until it's an overgrown nightmare before doing anything about it.... I think if it weren't for the fact that I have quarterly inspections, I'd let it go completely wild! But that's probably just because I abhor 'lawn' culture. It's not good for the pollinators!! Basically, this:

I think the path of self-discovery can be a really long, confusing one - and it's not like we get an instruction manual!! Maybe that's another thing to set a goal to work towards? Finding some ways to help you on this journey?

I feel like I could rustle up some cool reflection questions about it - however I am about to finish up! We can always come back to it another day if you like 😊

Thanks for keeping me company today hun! Been lovely, made the time fly by! Catch you next week 💜

Thanks for spending time with me @Jynx I have really appreciated it and needed it.

Enjoy tonight.

Another couple of hours in bed. This is ridiculous, I’m only getting up because Jett is making me. Pix is quite content at my feet. If it wasn’t for Jett I’d still be asleep. Sleep is respite, sleep leaves the thoughts behind, sleep stops the urges, sleep lets me forget.

How am I supposed to live a life if bed is all I’ve got, if it’s the only way for me to stop my thoughts?

Hey @Captain24 🙂

Hey @tyme

How are you?

Hey @Captain24 ,

I'm pretty okay. Went to church this morning. Now I'm trying to work out how to sign up to Disney Plus so I can let my niece watch Out of My Mind. But I can't do it. Credit card won't work.

Oh well.

Did you contact your bestie?

Sounds like a nice morning @tyme. I only have Netflix so I can’t help.

I rang her yesterday but she didn’t answer. I left her a message and she hasn’t gotten back to me but her service out there is hit and miss. Plus it was the weekend so she had her son and probably family issues. I don’t want to be a part of them. Maybe she will call me tomorrow. I think she has to come into town to go to the unemployment place.

Mum wanted me to go shopping with them tomorrow 1 1/2 hours away but the road is really windy and no medication gets Pix through it. She will vomit there and back. I don’t want to people though. I had to people last night at a family dinner. There was 9 of us.

That's a big dinner @Captain24

Your brother too?

I hope your bestie is okay. It sounds like she needs a lot of support.

What are you doing at the moment?

Nah.. my brother wasnt included it was 2 of dad’s brothers and 3 of his sisters. Plus one of my cousins and her daughter. It got organised on Friday for last night. Late planning! But dad’s sister came from the Newcastle region so it was just easier to do dinner than have her expecting to come here and see me.

She does but she questioned why I feel the way I do when I dont have as much going on. I thought she understood but I don’t really think she does. But she has always been one of those people that their life is worse. You know what I mean?

Im watching tv. Dessert masters. Last weeks episode as I have t watched it yet.

I have done a little mosaic today and a plywood thing that connects together kinda like Lego but kinda not. I’ve tried so hard to distract it just hasn’t worked. Chatting is good though.

I’ve given the dogs a treat so they are quiet right now and should be for an hour or two!

You don’t watch tv do you?