I can’t cope

I didn’t want you to worry. @tyme

It’s so good that they are grateful for the little things. It shows wholesome little people.

He is a middle child so I guess that might make the difference. I’m not mean v anything bad by it, don’t think that. Maybe as he gets a little older he will appreciate the 1:1 time. I’m thinking that he may be too young to get it.

I had a friend once with two kids. We went to the wildlife park for a few hours. He got a toy from the souvenir shop. We had to pick up a package from the back dock if a shop so when didn’t even go

into that shopping centre. He cried and carried on because he wanted ‘something special’ he was about 6 so he wet his pants because he couldn’t have anything! What a grateful brat. From that day one I lost all respect for him and wouldn’t go out of my way for any kind of treat.

I love macca but I havent had it in a while. It’s now a special treat.

I am taking it slowly with her. She rang while I was asleep yesterday so I’ll get back to her tomorrow. I need to meet her son and get to reconnect with him. Hopefully he is grateful!

You know what? Good on you for setting your boundaries and not rushing to call back @Captain24

I'm not sure about you, but for me, the 'waiting' was one of the most valuable lessons in life.

In the push-button society we are in, waiting is HARD.

If only we learn to WAIT in between the feeling and acting, we would save ourselves a lot of heartache.

I look forward to hearing how the catch up goes once you organise it an actually go.

I called my bestie back this morning but she didn’t answer. I left a message saying I was asleep for nightshift so she didn’t think I was avoiding her. @tyme

Mum took this photo in town not out of town or on the outskirts. This shows how country we are.

I’ve done most of my job list today. The house is clean and all the washing is done. Just need to iron it when I get it off the line. I need to have a shower and wash my hair as I have to go to a family dinner tonight. I don’t want to go but I have to. I have to pretend I’m ok and I don’t know if I can hold it together that long.

Im sitting here crying. I feel like there is only one way. I have got a mosaic kit out but looking at it I just don’t have it in me. I can’t do anything. I feel so helpless. I’m so lost. I’m so broken. I’m shattered into little pieces. I’m in the depths of despair.

I had a sleep. I haven’t woken up feeling any better. If not I feel worse and I didn’t think that was possible. I don’t know what to do. The pain is all consuming and I don’t know what to do. It’s intense

Are you safe at the moment @Captain24 ?

Please contact crisis services

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

Lifeline 131114

If urgent, 000

I’m about to go out to dinner @holdinghope5 so I’ll be safe for a little while.

I’m home from dinner. It was good to get dad’s siblings together. There was only one missing out of 7.

It was my way of stopping my auntie that’s visiting from coming around here. She is such a ditz and I can only take her in small doses. There were lots of eye rolls.

While dinner kept me safe it was really hard work. I’m so drained from having to pretend to be ok. I think one of my other aunties picked up on it though.

Now I’m home alone.

I’m not ok.

I’ve taken my meds but they aren’t working. I need to go to sleep now. It’s all too much. I need them to work now.

Hiya @Captain24

How did you go last night, did you get off to sleep in the end?