I can’t cope

Glad to hear the shift was okayish. @Captain24

Hope your rest is okay...

Hope to hear from you when you get up.

@Captain24 when it really comes down to it, I think the idea of anyone being labelled as 'too sensitive' is absolute crap. It just seems like a way for a-holes and people in power to gaslight and victim blame. "Oh, you responded to me being cruel by feeling upset? You are being too sensitive!" It makes no sense.

Besides, the world doesn't need more thick skinned people... in fact I'd say the world desperately needs more softness, more vulnerability, more kindness and compassion. The world needs MORE like you Cap! Please don't feel like you have to cut yourself down to size to be able to jump through their hoops. The world would be poorer for it.

hey @Jynx @tyme @Ru-bee

I had a good sleep. I have changed my sheets and gotten ready for work.

In just about to leave.

I don’t want to go. I still feel all of the same up above.

Sensitive doesn’t work in a mine site @Jynx. The boys ridiculed anyone that’s sensitive.

I just want to lay in a ball and cry. I’m really in the depths of darkness. I’m not sure I can see a way out at the moment.

That's kinda my point @Captain24 doesn't matter if it's a mining site, it does NOT excuse the behaviour. A mining site, a football field, a cosmetics store, all ought to treat their staff with kindness and respect, which includes not forcing someone to suppress their emotional affect. Sounds like a lot of toxic masculinity kind of ideals floating around in your workplace culture hey.

Just because you can't currently see the way out, doesn't mean there isn't one! It will become clear in time, I know it will 😊

Good luck with your shift hun, I hope it only sucks a little bit tonight 🤞💜

My shift sucked @Jynx. Usually they put dirt in the back of your truck gently. Because I didn’t get it right they threw it in. It bounced me and the truck. I’m really sore, my back and neck hurt and my body is aching. It’s becoming a really horrible place.

Im home now and have 5 days off. 5 days until I have to go back to hell.

Im in the process of writing a list of things I have to get done over the next few days. I haven’t done any diamond art, lego, mosaic or resin for a while and I’d like to try and make an effort. Anything to try and help get out of this pit of misery.

I have a psych appointment on Tuesday and I want to write down what’s happened but I can’t as I can’t hand it to her. It’s Telehealth.

I need to tell her how bad things have become. I need to ask her if she still wants to keep me on because I’m such a loser and waste of time. Her time could be better spent with someone that’s worth it. I need to tell her what decision I nearly made on Sunday night just so I didn’t have to face going to work. I need to tell her what I have done. I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to let her down.

Is your body sore as a result of them jostling your truck when they loaded dirt @Captain24? If so that is absolutely not on. No wonder you're struggling and making mistakes, I think anyone would under these circumstances.

Can you email this information to your psychologist? Or send it as a text? It does sound really important that they get this information. I would also recommend talking to them about or your GP about workcover. I know that you're worried that raising these issues might not bring about positive change in your workplace, and if that is true then it is clearly not a safe workplace and I think you would have a case to make a WC claim.

Rest well and I hope you catch you when you wake up. We're here with you Captain 💙

I just woke up @Ru-bee

Yes that’s why I’m sore. That’s what happened at the digger. At one stage my bum left the seat. Plus I made a mistake on the dump but I said over the 2 way ‘just tell me I’m useless like you did before’ I didn’t get a response. He left me alone. So I kinda called him out on it but put myself down in the process.

I can’t make a WC claim as they will just say my MH is pre-existing. I just have to ride it out until they stop it.

Ny psych and I haven't discuss email. So I don’t want to cross any boundaries with her. I’ll just write it out and see if I’m capable of reading it to her. I’ll tell her I’ve got it.

I’ve been all about myself recently and sound like a broken record. You must be sick of me. I know I am.

How are you going?

Heya @Captain24 🙂

Good on you for calling out the unacceptable behaviour!

Hey @tyme

How are you?

I second Tyme @Captain24 good on you for speaking up in that moment.

I'm doing good, just trying to stay out of the heat today. Have you got any plans for tonight? I know you said you were wanting to catch up on all your creative hobbies over the next few days