I can’t cope

I guess we all have some self-centred selfishness in us (I know I do). I reckon it's a survival mechanism @Captain24 ...

Besides the point, what did your mother do to make you say that about her?

I’m just so angry with the world and life right now. @tyme I don’t know if it’s the withdrawal or the new meds. Hopefully one of my appointments in the next two days can help.

Something on here triggered a memory that I had buried and now all the trauma is coming back. I blame mum for me being where I am now. Maybe if I didn’t suffer abuse or DV as a child I’d be more together now. Instead of this messed up heap I’m in.

Today on the walk her dog was in the pram and Pixie is sick but she walked for an extra hr just because she knew I had to get the lawn mowed before we get 150ml of rain in the next 4 days. She said that I should have done it earlier but I was asleep after nightshift. I know it’s no big deal but my anger and irritation is coming out and I keep blaming her.

Right now I just hate life and hate myself for letting me get to this stage. Some days are ok but I feel like it’s one step forward and 2 steps back, maybe 3.

Sorry I needed to get it out.

Hearing you @Captain24 .

You are describing the nature of mental health. It has its ups and downs.

Just always remember how far you have come and know that there is hope.

It is perfectly okay to feel irritation and anger. They might not feel very nice, but it is not wrong to feel it. I was only posting in another thread that I get agitated with people quite often. Hence I chose to move away, otherwise I'll end up with a crap-as day.

Hugs @Captain24 , you've had some big days.

tyme

I’m usually an easy going relaxed kind of person. This anger and agitation is completely out of character. @tyme. Yes I get irritable if I haven’t slept well but it passes by pretty quick.

I have come along way, I’m much more self aware and can express my emotions better instead of the ‘I don’t know’.

It’s been a massive week mentally and emotionally!

My lawns are finally done. I still have so much to do but I think I’ll just let myself be for the rest of the night. Everything else can just wait.

Hope you have been well

I sort of did my lawns yesterday @Captain24 .

Why sort of? Because I was halfway and I didn't have enough battery. Battery operated mower.

I also need to go purchase a new battery pack for my whipper snipper.... argh

can't win, eh? But coming home, it was a lot more refreshing to see a mown (half) lawn.

It does look good when it’s done! Just look at the half that’s done. Lol

Mine is petrol so I just have to keep filling it. I just don’t have fuel for my whipper snipper so my edges are really bad! @tyme.

Im going away for a week on Monday and go straight back to work when I get back so it’ll be 2 weeks before it gets done again. With all the rain coming it’s going to be soooo long!

I just had an hour and a half session with my nurse. It was really good. We discussed my anger and irritability. The feeling like I’m rapid cycling. We talked about going away next week with my parents and how triggering it’ll be. I can email her at any time and call if I need help.

Just found out my GP is leaving town in January 😢😢.

Eeeek @Captain24! How daunting, having to create that bond again.

Does your GP work out of a medical centre with other doctors or on their own? Or are they being replaced? I know from my personal experience that sometimes they can give a handover to another doctor. This way you don’t have to go through everything and start from scratch. That can be very traumatic. so hard to build rapport with someone new, especially when you are seeking help for trauma and MI.