I can’t cope

I have walked to the beach and back this morning, I’ve walked back down to the beach and ubered back and been to the gym. My body is so excited. My back is killing me. I have nothing left in the tank. I just spent.

Stupid me forgot to go to the bookstore but I did go to the $2 shop and got some diamond art to do, so at least I have something.

It’s suppose to rain for the next couple of days which is a bigger because I need to keep walking. I need to get fit.

Heya @Captain24 !

Hope your back gets better soon. Did you end up getting uber the other day?

Great to see you.

Nah I walked @tyme.

We just had another person scheduled. The paramedics were outside my door to take her away. She was really distressed. So am I.

I was walking to the beach this afternoon with another patient. We got talking and she asked about where I lived and stuff. When she found out that I had a good job and a nice house, she asked why I was in here then?

I feel like I don’t belong. I feel like I’m just taking up space. I feel like I don’t deserve to be here. I feel like I’m making up my mental health.

This is the last place I expected judgement.

After the judgement from yesterday and the extreme exercise yesterday, I feel really defeated today. I have nothing to give. Also my Pdoc cancelled so now there isn’t anymore med changes. I’m just in that deep rabbit hole in limbo.

Hi @Captain24 I'm so sorry that your experience was invalidated like that.

Unfortunately mental illness doesn't care what sort of job you have or what area you're from. Societal signifiers of success do not tell us what's going on inside someone. There are many factors that impact our health and wellbeing, sure our living situation and job is one factor, but unfortunately just because we life in a comfy house and have a stable job this doesn't mean that we don't experience mental health struggles.

You're there because you need and deserve this support.

No I doesn’t discriminate @Ru-bee. I wish people would understand that and especially people in here.

My psych spun it around on me and said it shows how strong I can be to be able to successful.

I was supposed to have lunch with a friend today but I just read on Facebook that she is now a patient in here. I haven’t seen her yet as she just got her. She is a really good friend that I met last time. So it’s kinda bittersweet. I’m sad that her life has come to this that she needs an admission but it’s nice to have a friend.

Oh I wonder if you'll get to see her before you leave @Captain24

I get that, it must be comforting knowing that she's near, but of course it'd bring up concern for your friend too. At least she's getting the support and care that she needs, as are you

It’s only a small clinic. There is about 20 people in here. Her room is across from mine. She is doing all then admission stuff and I’ll see her soon @Ru-bee

Ive just got to get out of my room first.

They just came and did my care plan. I have done some of it. Like the extra exercise and the nurse also wrote that I had 2 good days.

Im hoping that my Pdoc can manage to see me tonight. She had to cancel until she could find someone to look after the kids.

Oh, so close to you! @Captain24 I'm sure that'll be nice

Also woo hoo, on that recognition of your good days! And you're already a step ahead on your care plan, that must feel encouraging that you've already been implementing some of it yourself

I can recognise the work that I have done which is huge. Iv had to drag myself out of bed and walk down to the beach of a morning. The walk back is a killer. It’s quite a long walk and it’s all uphill. @Ru-bee. My body is in so much pain that the walk back counteracts the seeing the sunrise in the beach. I have to stop several times on the way back.

I have had a rest this afternoon though. It’s really cold and raining. It’s miserable weather.