I can’t cope

Sorry everyone for being negative and a bad friend.

Im negative on here and in here

Heay @Captain24 ,

I read your head is speaking again.

What's happening?

As soon as I have down time I have a serious problem. @tyme. My head is really bad. Really bad thoughts. I have done a lot today we had group which was hard and eye opening. For mindfulness we walked up the fire trail into the bush. I walked down to the beach and got wet up to my thighs. The hills on the way back are really steep. I got back and got talked into going to the pool, I had leggings and a t-shirt on! I didn’t go up to my room to get changed.

I just feel like I’m a burden on here when I’m in a place that I’m supposed to get better. There’s others that are struggling and deserve more support. I’ve pushed everyone away on here but that’s my life and what I do. Plus I’m being a bad friend so I deserve it anyway.

Hey @Captain24 ,

I hear so many of these loud thoughts are plaguing your mind and I'm guessing this is something that needs work on. It's taken years to get to the thought processes you utilise today, so I believe it takes time to relearn a more helpful thinking process/es.

It doesn't mean you are bad or wrong. These are very black/white terms. You are more than just a black/white term. We all are. Life is full of greys in between.

I believe in you. I know you can do it.

I feel like I’m just black. @tyme. I feel like I’m about to completely shut down. But I’m not even sure what that is but that’s how I feel. That doesn’t even

make sense.

I do see my Pdoc on Monday so I will talk to her. I’ll be honest. I have been trying to reach out. The psych today didn’t read between the lines but I also was careful as I don’t want to be a cat 3 over the weekend. It would send me really crazy.

hey @Captain24 looks like you've had a busy day! and with busy days comes some mixed emotions, i can see you're feeling quite overwhelmed with your thoughts at the moment. whatever it is you feel, they're valid even if you can't put proper words to them. maybe writing it out might help?

i'm glad you're safe and trying to reach out - perhaps on monday you can talk to her about these feelings and see if you can make sense of it with the pdoc?

It has been a big day. @rav3n. I thought I was ok because I participated in group a little. Then we had an hour break and the thoughts hit me like a sledge hammer. I’ve noticed today each time I stop it happens.

She is an awesome doctor and that’s why I fought for her. She will listen. She was really shocked yesterday when I told her absolutely everything.

I am safe and as much as I wish I wasn’t at least being in here keeps me safe.

Sorry @tyme if I’ve pushed you away too

Pushed me away? @Captain24

Of course not... unless you wanted me to give you space. Please, if you want space, let me know. I don't want you to feel pressured to respond in any way if you don't feel up to it.

I really want you to know you are not alone.

I felt like you were giving up on me @tyme. I don’t want space. I like having you around. I feel like you get what it’s like to be in here.

I don’t want to be alone. I do have a really nice nurse that keeps on checking on me. She is actually going to contact the doctor to see if I can have better sleeping meds to get me back on track. Not sure she will respond tonight but apparently she will respond tomorrow.

I like having you around too @Captain24 . Remember a few years ago, I promised that you'd be stuck with me??? It's like chewing gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe lol.

I've seen you from the day you started posting. I've seen the ups. I've seen the downs. I'm here for you.

I can't do the healing for you, but I'll stick by your side.

I believe in you and know you can do it. As I mentioned, the transition is always harder.

Miss Ruby Rose is vomiting today... I'm sure she's been outside eating yuck stuff. There was a dead bird in the yard...