I can’t cope

Glad to hear it @Captain24

It can be tricky when we have ok days amongst bad days. Hard to tell what it all means sometimes.

im doing ok. Just my usual frustration with myself. My mum and daughter just went home. They could only stay for a little while today cause my step dad is not well and they needed to get home to him, which is fine.

Hi @AussieRecharger

Thanks for popping in.

When I read what I wrote in the beginning, I’m actually proud of how far I have come. I am no longer ashamed of my MI or of receiving help for it.

I still have a really long way to go in recovery but at least some days I can see the hope. The darkest days I still want to give into the thoughts though. But I’m more comfortable within myself and I am slowly learning what I need to do to get through

It’s hard @Bow because I’m having an ok day they think that I’m ok!

Im glad you are doing ok. I wish I could help with the frustration for you. It’s hard though when I don’t understand it properly. Just know that I’m sitting with you.

Hope you step dad is ok

It’s happened to me too @Captain24 they see you having an ok day and pull back support and then you crash again and feel like you can reach back out cause you are suppose to be doing ok.

I’m actually really lucky with my nurse and GP @Bow they both are contactable and while they both think I’m ok at the moment, they understand that tomorrow I may not be.

The nurse said today that my social phobia is extreme and I probably have avoidant personality disorder. Not quite sure what that is though.

Well let's put this out on the table @Captain24 . The FIRST think you must know that ANY personality disorder does NOT mean:

- your personality is 'wrong'

- there is something wrong with your 'personality'.

When I was first diagnosed with a personality disorder, I felt I was innately 'wrong' and 'abnormal' - this thinking doesn't help.

So I guess with avoidant PD, it is about having learnt to cope in life by avoiding situations and events in order to survive. Over time, these strategies have become more harmful than helpful, and so therapy is to teach you new ways of coping.

This is only in a nutshell. It's much more than this 🙂

Sorry, it's a bit hectic on my side, but I will check you posts later in the evening.

tyme

I have just done a lot of reading @tyme

and have learnt heaps and feeling pretty overwhelmed.

Yes I do feel like it means I don’t have a personality at all or it’s defective!

Most of the things I looked at mention BPD as well. I now know why you see so many similarities between us!

I went to BPD signs and symptoms I have some of them and the ones I do have some are not all the time.

Then I went to AvPD. I tick every single one and most of them are all the time. It explains so much, the no close friends, no relationship and that I don’t go anywhere and don’t want to leave the house. The complete fear of any social interaction!

Depression is part of it but my reaction to antidepressants obviously indicates that there is something else too. It fits with the bipolar type 2.

So I really am a mess!

I actually can't say you are a 'mess' @Captain24 - I really believe it shows what an interesting personality you have. It shows that humans are complex organisms!

If anything, this is the beginning of your journey of discovery! I hear there are challenges which I don't deny, however, it is such an exciting time too!

You can see that it means other people in this world are experiences symptoms like you, and it has a name.

To 'qualify' for BPD, you only need 5/9 of the traits...not all.

I also had AvPD under the over arching BPD diagnosis.

But it's liberating to finally work this out! And it's NOT because you are defective!

Are you working at the moment @Captain24 ?