I can’t cope

Also… are they close to fixing the email notifications?

@Captain24 not sure re: notifications issue!

So sorry for the delays, always seems to be the case that around 6pm I am maaaad chilling, have all the time in the world to respond... around 8-9pm everyone gets super active!! So I end up flying about by the seat of my pants trying to reply to everyone (and before there's part of your brain that misconstrues that to mean that getting tagged later at night is a burden to me, I honestly wouldn't have it any other way! I thrive in chaos, and really enjoy the process of it all. I would just never want you to feel like you have to post less or adjust how you interact with forums because of it, okay?) .

Yes, I will be here tomorrow! I have some training in the arvo but will deffo be about in the evening. I am REALLY forgetful though remember, so if I don't check in it's NOT because I don't want to, or that I don't care! And you have my permission to poke me with a tag whenever you need, and I'll respond as soon as I am able.

Nighty night hun, may sleep find you and your puppers quickly tonight, and give you all dreams of running around at the beach 😊💜

Trigger warning: ED issues.

@Jynx @Ru-bee can some one put this in a spoiler box please.

I am not coping. I am not ok.

Also my day started well. This is the temperature when I got to work this morning @NatureLover

Done that for you @Captain24

It's frustrating for me to hear that, I can't imagine how you're feeling. Were you able to tell your CM that actually no, you are not doing well currently?

Thank you @Ru-bee

I did but she wouldn’t listen to me. Why won’t anyone listen? I don’t see her now until after I get back from hospital. Maybe it’s a good thing

Yes, maybe that will be a good thing @Captain24

I'm sorry you're not feeling heard right now, that's a terrible feeling. I hope that you're able to feel heard in this space

@Captain24 yeah does almost seem like the most frequent response to ED struggles is reassurances about weight. Like, I get that it's supposed to be an effort to comfort, reassure, etc... but it really misses the mark, hey! Cos it's not just about that is it? And like, if it were that simple, if just having a person share that they 'think we look fine' could work, then no one would have an ED would they? Kinda reminds me of the classic, "Oh just cheer up!" or "You just need to get out more!" responses to a person struggling with depression.

I'm also getting the sense that you're feeling like your CM is mis-attuned right now, which basically just means that their attempts to support/comfort you are having the opposite effect. Food for thought, for you to take or leave: it doesn't have to be now, if you're too overwhelmed/exhausted/vulnerable/etc. but I would encourage you to chat to your CM about this - cos, speaking from the other side very briefly, your CM probably has no idea! They can't change their ways of supporting you to be a better fit for your needs if they don't know they are not providiing the right approach in the first place.

oh my STARS that is a frosty morning! I hope you've got like, proper thermals!

It’s horrible @Ru-bee. Maybe it was better when she wouldn’t answer my emails

I’ve been trying to keep my ED issues to myself but today just pushed me even further than the ‘congratulations’ when someone said that thinking that I’m pregnant. I told my CM and she just laughed and found it funny. I just looked at her with tears in my eyes and said it’s not funny @Jynx

I think she is just too busy. She use to have time for me, we would go for walks. She has gone from 15 patients to 26.

She seems to think that she is right and it’s how I present. I could hold a conversation so that meant I’m doing well.

Maybe I’m just stupid and don’t really know how I am.

@Captain24 😳😠 and it got worse... I'm so sorry hun, because no that is NOT funny, and having had someone make a comment like that to me once, I can very much empathise with how deep it cuts.

Aye, I can imagine a larger caseload would definitely make it harder to maintain closeness in those connections but... that's not an excuse for harmful platitudes or responding to your pain by laughing at it. And like, making assumptions about your emotional state and capacity based on how you present is a pretty narrow view - like yeah, I'd notice if a client came to a session with brushed hair for the first time, but I wouldn't then assume 'Aha! They're doing great now!' I mean there's kinda an obvious factor here which is that maybe the client WISHES they could show up to the appt looking like how they feel inside, but anxiety and insecurities come in loud and hot telling us we can't leave the house looking like that...

Sigh. I am sorry that this is what you're enduring atm hun. BUT - please remember that no one else gets to decide your narrative for you. No one else is the expert on your inner world. You are. This has nothing to do with your intelligence hun. They went to uni to become experts on mental health, they've never trained to become experts on Captain's mental health! But you? You've got a whole lifetime of experience 😉