I can’t cope

Most definitely, it is hard to get back into the swing of 'socialising' if you haven't done it for a while .Taking Pixie out would be a good start @Captain24 . For me, it's hanging out with my niece that gets me out.

My niece is going to the wedding too. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't go. So i guess it's about finding what works for you.

I hope to visit the elderly man tomorrow morning, then have lunch out before coming home. Oh, and I'm taking my niece... don't think I'm doing these things myself!

However, zumba is by myself - so see how that goes...

I'm not as social and brave as it sounds!

It'll be good to just chillax on the public holiday. Are you in Vic? I'm in Vic so we have Thurs and Friday off. But I'll be online both evenings.

I was thinking you were doing it all in your own! At least having your niece help you to get out and socialise.

Im in NSW so we only have one day but I don’t go back to work until Monday so it doesn’t affect me anyway

LOL... it's sorta of sad that I need a 7 year old to take me out to places lol... but it works @Captain24 !

I'm slowly doing things on my own. She's on school holidays, hence I can take her out and spoil her. Once she returns to school, I'm on my own again.

But at least you always have Pixie.

I got up this morning, had a shower and went for a walk. All with the aim of trying to feel better. Did it work? No. My house is a mess and I have so much to do. But I can’t face another day of this. I have no motivation to do anything and no care for life. I hate myself and what my life has become.

heya @Captain24, it sounds like the difficult thoughts are really strong today ❤️ It sounds like you've tried really hard for some self-care today and it's understandable to feel crappy when the self-care doesn't work. But I hope you can feel proud for trying ❤️

I'm wondering if you can remember a time in the last few weeks when things weren't so difficult?

I'm asking because I know for me, when I was experiencing a lot of SI, it was like being on a rollercoaster. Some days I was so down and it felt like there wasn't much worth being around for. But a few days later I would feel a little less bad. And it really helped me to remember that these feelings would pass. Does that feel like something which could help today?

And I know what it felt like for me when I had "no care for life", but could you tell me more about what you mean?

Sitting with you ❤️

Hey @Former-Member I have never been in this place before. That was my first attempt and I don’t know how to come back from it. I’ve had many thoughts before and have come really close but never actually acted on them before. Part of me wishes I hadn’t failed as now I’m struggling even more to pull myself up but I feel like I just don’t have any strength left to try.

As for no care for life, I’m back in bed with the dog and just want to curl up and die. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t want to get up, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to clean, I don’t want to ring anyone, I just don’t want to live. I’ve looked at my safety plan but just don’t want to do any of my distractions the only thing was to go to bed. At least I can say I’m safe.

Hi Captain24.

Hope things are better for you now. Your story resonates with me. I don't like to talk about my Depression and Anxiety with any one just try and pretend I am ok.

I don't feel I can talk to friends or family. I don't really have any friends either as I push them away. Hope you are doing well. Take care.

That must be really scary @Captain24 ❤️ It sounds like you used so much energy to keep safe for a long time and it's understandable to wonder if there's any left to keep going. I know when I've felt really strong urges, I've thought about the idea of "keeping safe for now". And whatever I need to do to keep safe for now (even if it's just for an hour) has kept me going. And that sounds like it could be staying in bed with your sweet Pixie ❤️

I can hear in you a want to be safe which shows me that maybe you're uncertain about something as final as dying. Maybe we could figure out some new things to try together?

Are you feeling like you can keep safe for now? I'm going to send you a quick email. As a peer moderator, I have a duty of care for your safety but I also really care about you as a person.

I think it might be useful for you to reach out to some of your supports today. Maybe your MH nurse or someone else? I also thought you might be interested in the Alternative2Suicide groups (Alt2Su). They're some online peer groups to discuss SI and SH.

I also wanted to put in some other people you could contact

• The BeyondBlue chat if calling someone feels like a lot right now
• LifeLine chat or call 13 11 14

Will you reach out to any of these?

Hi @Kat75

Welcome to the forums. I have found it to be a safe a caring space with people that understand.

The pretending gets hard doesn’t it and it’s just easier to push everyone away. I’m finding that really hard now when I need the support more than ever. I haven’t discussed any of what is going on with me with my family as there is no way they would understand or support me through it. I have found a massive support on here and with my mental health team and it has been very helpful.

I hope you can find some relief and support on here as well.

I’m looking forward to getting to know you.

Captain24

@Captain24 it is so good to talk to people that understand. I am scared of talking to my family as they judge me. I don't know where to turn. Feeling really alone. Thanks for listening and your support 🙏