I can’t cope

Maybe I didn’t do as well as I thought! @Jynx I instantly went to the negative! The burden thing hasn’t left me obviously.

I did have a couple of break throughs though. I realised that my SA wasn’t my fault. Also that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was when I was growing up and still don’t know. My hospital Pdoc even wrote me an affirmation. ‘It’s not me! It was never me!’ And she signed it! She was proud of me. That’s when she hugged me. Oh you missed the convo about hugs!! There was lots including nurses and 2 fro my Pdoc and so many compliments and I accepted them all! Apparently I’m a really good learner, person and patient!

Thats a while for you! I’ve got nothing planned other than a trip to the coast in November. My life is very boring! lol. I need to do more on my days off. Just got to quit smoking again and save up some money.

I'll watch most sports @Captain24 and don't seem to get bored. I'll even watch the cricket!!

My son is on holidays on Friday for two weeks so at least I won't have to do the school run for awhile! Because D is at uni she only gets the main days off.

It is ironic hon. I think I am doing my family a favour by not going in, but in reality when I go downhill like that, it is harder on them. They end up walking on egg shells around me.

What are you up to tonight? I'm just watching a movie. S is working till 10:30 so have to stay awake to pick him up from work.

ohhhh good news. D can pick up S from work so I can head to bed earlier @Captain24

Gee I love it that she has her license!

I’m just catching up on home and away that I missed @Snowie. I think I’ll have an early night. I’m still so exhausted and drained from being in there and from what I put myself through last night.

I’ll take the new sleep meds I got from the chemist today and hopefully that will help.

You’re lucky to have D! An early night sounds good. How have you been sleeping?

Glad you can catch up on home and away @Captain24

It can take awhile to get used to being 'home' hon. No doubt you are still tired and still adjusting.

I too changed sleeping meds when I was in there. The new one's have been helping me sleep which is good. I have some prn sleeping meds also in case they don't work but I haven't had to take them yet. Fingers crossed I don't have too.

So being so tired is normal? @Snowie. For me too much sleep is a warning sign but I’m just so exhausted. I was worrying

My sleep meds are suppose to be prn I have 2 different ones.

Im so glad you are finally getting some sleep. It makes things so much easier. You deserve to get sleep.

Old habits and all that @Captain24 - but I commend you on simply taking it in stride! And you will get better and better as you go along, you've got all new tools to use, and on the forums you'll always have a big pile of support and a safe space to work through stuff.

Aww heck yes, what a phenomenal breakthrough! I can only imagine the weight that's been lifted. I'm proud of you too hun! And send you big piles of hugs as well hehe.

If you're content with how things are then that's hardly boring is it? A trip to the coast sounds lovely!

No matter how much we want to think that we are not affected by coming home @Captain24 I think it does take us awhile to adjust to the "real world" again. It is tiring doing that. No doubt that you are exhausted. I always think of it as being shut off from the world whilst I am in hospital.

All we can do it take it moment by moment and day by day.

I had some big break throughs @Jynx. I think I can finally put my SA to bed instead of burying it. I’m trying to come to terms with my childhood and facing it head on instead of steering away from it. I have done so much work. I do need support though to keep going forward and to help guide me when I take a step back.

Thanks for the hugs! I don’t think I’ve had as many hugs in my life as I got in there!

I am mostly content but I just don’t want to fall into the same bear traps that I was in. I need to be able to do stuff on my own without my parents just assuming they are coming too. I need to do things on my own. I need to adult!!!

There are things I want to do in the blue mountains but I’ll need my parents to take the dogs as it’s not dog friendly and I’ll have to wait until summer now. It’s way too cold and rainy and snowy from now to summer.

I’m thinking I’ll head off to bed. I need to get some sleep and work off this exhaustion. I still have so much to do around here but I would like to get up early to go for a walk. I want to create new habits and a new routine. I’m trying to get my life in order

Thanks for chatting to me @Snowie @Jynx,

Im just too tired. At least it’s common. There is no real world outside of hospital, it’s like its own little bubble.

Im going to head off to bed.

Thank you both