I can’t cope

I want to try and do ACE everyday. Even if it’s just a little bit. @Snowie.

I’ve got so much paperwork to get through that I got from the clinic so I want to go through it all and keep learning. I just need to put it in order first.

How are you going with being home? How do you hold onto the feeling from

hospital? I felt amazing but it seems to have slipped. Just not all the way back. I still have plenty of leeway.

When I came home I was in high spirits and feeling much better @Captain24. After a small amount of time that feeling seemed to fade a bit.

I think the realisation that I was home again seemed to sink in.

This has happened almost every time I have been discharged.

I think this is totally normal to feel this way. I still have a lot to be thankful for since coming home, and that is what I hold onto.

The main thing is that we see a difference within ourselves. We have that hope that things will continue to improve. We can see the light again.

I love that @Captain24!! And just remember how good for you, for your state of mind it was - and if someone deigns to judge you for it in the future, I hope you can cast their judgement aside because you know that your comfort is more important than listening to their ignorance.

I know you are all sick of hearing about my shit. @Snowie @Jynx

Can we chat random stuff?

It's not shit @Captain24 and I am not sick and tired of hearing about it.

I actually like that someone else has similar thoughts/feelings that I have about being discharged.

What would you like to talk about?

I have been watching the F1 qualifying this afternoon. Will be glued to the tv tomorrow watching the race. If you haven't realised I am into Formular One.

Yeah @Captain24 I don't know where on earth you're getting your information from - at what point have I expressed being sick of anything you have to say? If I haven't said it directly, then you're making an assumption about me! And that's not very fair on either of us, is it?

But absolutely we can talk about other stuff, all you gotta do is ask! Got any topics in mind?

I think I’ll go in next time before I’m too bad @Snowie @Jynx Im prepared to go back, it’s just getting time off work. It was hard but rewarding. Maybe if I top up quicker I can hold onto it longer and stay well longer.

Can’t say I’m into formula one. I would like to go to Mt Panorama one day and watch the V8’s though. I’ve been to a few races their just the local car clubs though. A friends husband has raced there a couple of times. It was awesome to travel and get out of town for a weekend but that was over 20 years ago!

Im thinking I’ll mow some of the lawn tomorrow and watch a couple of movies on Netflix. I’ve decided I need to add way more self care into my life.

Im sorry @Jynx. I didn’t mean to offend you. I feel really bad. I’m really sorry.

Got any adventures coming up?

It is hard to know when to go in @Captain24 I get torn between my family and my mental health. I keep thinking if I could just hold out for them. Then I get to the point where I don't have a choice and staying out doesn't end up helping them.

I don't like getting to that point.

We are going away next weekend over the Easter Break. There are some boat races that are on that hubby helps out with. If you can't tell we like adrenaline sports!!

Hahaha oh @Captain24 my captain! You didn't offend me in the slightest. I was merely pointing out that you made an assumption - one that sounded like it was coming from a place of self-depreciation, i.e. thinking that you are being burdensome on me and others here by talking about the current challenges you're facing. Just trying to gently challenge you hun. If I was offended, I would say so!

Hmm adventures... none that come to mind, except my next trip up to NSW to see my family, but that won't be till August. What about you?

I wish it was easier to go in @Snowie. I find it really ironic when I fought so hard to not doing it.

I like extreme things but as for watching I get bored.I struggle to stay focused on a lot of things though.

Sounds like a good Easter though. I’ll be working all of it!