Learning to Love Myself!

Hugs @Oaktree and respect for sharing. Caring enough to prepare nice healthy meals for yourself and others sounds as though you're well on the way to loving and nurturing yourself. I enjoy the challenge of looking out for vegetables that are cheap and in season and basing meals on them, rather than looking for recipe ingredients. I also choose vegetables by colour - the more the better.

I also struggle with body image and self-loathing which I acknowledge as part of my depression. Exercise and a healthy diet help. I've read that practising gratitude and meditating are also very helpful - I try but they're a work in progress. There's been a gratitude thread on the forums - I'm not sure whether it's still active.

Making time to do things you enjoy is really important. What could you do for yourself tomorrow? Maybe you could make a list. There are forum threads on what others do for self-care. I've just remembered I enjoy aromatherapy. And I think you had a thread on daily exercise - maybe we could reactivate it.

Take care @Oaktree..

Best wishes,

Dimity

Hi @Oaktree ,

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@Oaktree wrote:

How do I go about learning to love myself when I don’t even like myself?

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I'm wondering if you have a trauma background? The reason I ask is that my childhood trauma taught me to not like myself, that I was worthless, etc. The more healing I got through therapy, from the trauma, the more I liked and accepted myself.

Another thing that helped me to like myself more was what I call thinking through things...just thinking deeply about everything. I learnt a lot about myself, and I realised that the more authentic and honest I was with myself, the more I liked myself - it felt like coming home. That also helped with being myself around others, which further helps happiness. (I am not honest or 'myself' around my abusive father though - that would be dangerous!)

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@Oaktree wrote:

What are some of the things you do to show yourself love?

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I tell myself "Good girl" if I do something difficult (and yes, I'm, middle-aged!). I never heard "Good girl" growing up, so it feels good to hear it. I also nowadays give myself little treats (money permitting), which I never used to permit myself due to feeling not worthy of anything good. Treats might be buying a shiny new gold pen or something. These days I also allow myself to feel happy - before, that seemed way too dangerous.

Wishing you many good wishes, @Oaktree 💜

Hello @Oaktree. I don't have anything to offer except to say that you must understand that you are as worthy as everyone else!

Take your weight seriously. It's very important as it's not just superficial. It affects your organs, your mindset, your lifestyle and health generally. I have also had weight issues all my life until I was ill in past years and suddenly lost 20 kilograms.

Do you have an exercise program–a daily walk is a great idea. Have you found any inspiration on youtube? Salads are an easy way to take in a variety of colourful vegetables, and that they are raw is good too. And don't make healthy eating a chore! Bulk it out with lentils and beans.

Just wanted to respond to you. I hope you are well and taking care. Cheers.

Hey @Oaktree

Just want to reply to your original post and say that I really respect you for being brave enough to share your struggles here. So much disordered eating habits mentioned here and so triggering for me as a person in eating disorder recovery. But I wanted to share a couple of things that I’m learning in my recovery journey.

Have you heard of body neutrality? It’s neither body positivity or body negativity. It’s more about body acceptance and respect. I personally really struggle with body positivity, and am just trying to work myself to a place where I just accept my body cause loving my body feels so difficult. Body neutrality would be like…. This is my body, it helps me get from a to b. You focus on what your body can do. Wear clothes that are comfortable. Reframe WHY you exercise (don’t see as a way to lose weight but more about how it makes you feel… exercise actually makes me feel good, it distracts me from stress etc). Google it and find more info if you like.

Please please don’t refer to food as good and bad food. All food is good. It’s about moderation. If you restrict yourself of cakes, lollies and chocolate (what some people would consider as ‘bad food’), you are only going to fail. You will end up binginggg on it later and then you will beat yourself up. If you starve your body of essential carbohydrates and fats, then you are starving your body of energy and essential vitamins and minerals… (your body actually needs fats to absorb vitamins).

hope that’s not too much. The diet and fitness industry have a lot to answer to. They have engrained so much negativity into culture and there is no wonder that there is so many people struggling with disordered eating habits. Did you know that eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of all psychiatric disorders? It’s sad.

Hi @Oaktree

I'm sorry you are feeling like you are - that sounds like a tough way to feel about yourself.

I think sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. There is so much pressure on us to look, be, act, etc. certain ways. For me self love or self like comes from self acceptance, self forgiveness and being kind to yourself. Maybe ask yourself if your best friend said to you that they didn't like/love themselves what would you say to them? I feel like we are often kinder to others but the toughest on ourselves.

Maybe write down a list of five things you do like about yourself - we all have strengths and weaknesses. When we get down on ourselves it's easy to become bogged down by our thoughts and start to just focus on the negatives. I know the feeling as I do it myself sometimes.

I have no doubt you have some amazing qualities. Just wanting to get healthier is a sign of strength!

I'm no fitness guru but I think looking at healthier meals and going for walks is a great start to getting healthier. For me just going for a walk in the fresh air helps me have a better frame of mind and makes me feel a bit more empowered because it is a proactive step in getting healthier.

I wish you all the best on your journey - please let us know how you are getting on.

Take care,

FloatingFeather

Thank you for sharing this @Bow . All of your points about food and body resonate with me - don't see it as good or bad, body neutrality, seeing your body as something that gets you from A to B etc.

@Oaktree I'm so sorry you're struggling with self-worth. I personally love what @FloatingFeather said about listing 5 things you like about yourself.

@Bow is so right about the diet industry - it's awful!

sending hugs

hanami 💮

@Oaktree

Hi Meggle,

I hope you're feeling fine today.

I try to avoid sugar and dairy as much as possible because they make me put on a lot of weight. I become an unhealthy weight if I indulge a lot in chocolate and snacks. It's difficult but cutting out sugar and dairy helps me stay a healthy weight. Also I cut out gluten and that helps too.

Loving yourself is important, to love myself I tru to treat myself how I would treat a friend I really loved. And remind myself I am worthy and good, despite what negative thoughts say.

Hope this helps,

Christheart

Hi @Dimity thanks for your input. I like the idea of keeping an eye out for fruits and vegetables that are cheap and in season. I will try and follow your advice and try and get a range of colours in. I remember a missionary from our church was encouraged to make sure she ate her colours.
I do also struggle with self loathing and issues around self worth. I am working on this with my psychologist but maybe not directly. It may be worth me having a frank discussion with her about this issue. I will go looking for the gratitude thread. If it’s not actually active maybe we can get it going again. It’s really hard to find things to be grateful for sometimes but today I am just grateful for another day living in a free and mostly peaceful country!

I really like aromatherapy too. I have a diffuser but I don’t use it every day. Maybe I will buy more different oils. At the moment I only have lavender and a citrusy one. Thanks for the suggestion to make a list of things that I could do for myself. I actually have a list of nice things that I do enjoy to choose from but it’s gathering dust somewhere. I will dig it out when I get home tomorrow. I am babysitting today.

lots of love and kind wishes,

Meggle

Hi @NatureLover

Yes I do have a trauma background. Unfortunately for me both my parents were abusive. This is something that I am working on with my psychologist. I don’t feel as though I have value and as a result am very hard on myself. My psychologist says that this is my punitive schema at work. I have picked up where my parents left off. Basically I don’t know how to be kind to myself and I don’t feel worth it.
I like your idea of telling yourself good girl. I didn’t hear that growing up either. I also like the idea of buying yourself special inexpensive gifts to reward yourself. Maybe I will try these things.

Thankyou for your response,

Meggle

Hi @Historylover

Yes I know that I shouldn’t take my weight lightly as it will greatly impact my overall health. I have just let it go for so long. I feel like I have been yo yo dieting my whole life. Although the last time I seriously dieted was probably 6 years ago. I need to do better. I have recently had another sugar level come back borderline for diabetes so I really have to act now. I have enough mental health medications without adding diabetes medications on top. I hate taking medications as it is.

No I don’t really have an exercise plan in mind at the moment as I am super morbidly obese so that kind of makes things really difficult. I will start with walking and try and incorporate different activities as I lose weight. Running is completely out of the question right now. I do have the figure8 dvd’s which is exercise routines that are like dancing. They are difficult and sometimes hard on the knees because of the bouncing but I might give those another go.

I do prefer salads to hot vegetables so I might try and eat some of those too. Thanks for your suggestions.

love,

Meggle