14 year old son has admitted to been a psychopath.

Hi @Alicia2022

Welcome to the forums! It takes great courage to reach out for support so you should be proud of yourself for posting about your situation.

Gosh I can only imagine how concerned and overwhelmed you and your husband must feel right now. You indicate that you know your son needs help so I'm thinking you've seen behaviours in him that indicate that something isn't quite right.

As a parent of four children myself I can also imagine your worry for not only your son but the younger three siblings.

It sounds like getting him help asap is the priority and the GP is the best starting point. They can make referrals to psychologists and psychiatrists and if they see that it's urgent they can call the practice directly to get you an appointment sooner.

I do hope someone can chime in to share a similar experience. My understanding (from some study I did a few years ago on psychopathy) is that children aren't diagnosed as being psychopaths but if they have traits they may receive a diagnosis of conduct disorder. I would suggest that if you are on Facebook, there is a group foo parents of children with conduct disorder that may be able to offer support. If you search 'parents of children with conduct disorder' on facebook you will see the group come up. It's quite an active group too, with 5 posts a day on average.

I'm also wondering if there is a teacher or counsellor at your son's school who may be able to offer advice and support. Someone you trust to confide in. There may be indications at school that something isn't right or he may be hiding any such negative behaviours.

I hope this helps you in some way in what must be a very worrying situation.

hanami 💮

Thank you very much hanami for your response. I really appreciate you taking the time to reply. To be honest, I am still in shock and digesting the fact that I have " lost" the son I thought I had.

Because it is so recent, we are still building trust with him. I don't want to force him to see the GP as we don't know if he will just create another of his fake personalities instead of facing who he really is. But we are working on talking to the GP about it.

Again thank you very much, it is a very difficult time for us. It is nice to see there is support out there.

Take care,

Alicia2022

I can totally understand your hesitancy in seeing your GP given that he creates fake personalities. Again I want to acknowledge what a difficult time this must be for you.

To add to your situation is that there is so much in the media about psychopathic people that is not backed by evidence. And as a society we often bandy around the term psychopath to describe someone who has really hurt and scarred us. Moving forward, it's definitely going to be best to stick to expert advice. But others in similar situations will be a great support too. The wisdom of those with lived experience can be invaluable.

I really wish you the best with getting help and support. And keep reaching out whenever you feel you need.

hanami 💮

I think it is immensely applaudable the way your son has come forward. It's a long held belief of mine that psychopathy (and comparable conditions) don't need to negate duty of care if we have the right conversations.It's a very positive testimony to your family that these conversations are taking place.

I would also say, it's early days in diagnostic and your sons development. What you've described doesn't necessarily go down that specific diagnostic pathway (and even if it is, there's still be the question of type 1 vs type 2 and things like that). There are plenty of reasons for young people to ideate harm. Either way, it's a very civic thing to take responsible approaches.

I tend to look at empathy in different categories these days (emotional, cognitive and compassionate). So in ways, we all experience empathy as a relative balance of all of what empathy is. Empathy isn't really a "do or don't" thing. That wouldn't explain the world we live in.

HI @Alicia2022

Thank you for sharing. How did this come up? It's just not an everyday conversation so I am wondering what are the circumstances caused this to a conversation.

Does he see it as a problem and What does he want to do about it? Is there other relationships he is struggling with?

It came about after years of observing him and his behaviour. My husband had suspected for years but I didn't want to admit it until now.

After a couple of events I do not wish to go into we confronted him. At first he was pretending hut when he realized we knew what he really is he decided to tell my husband. He told him because he sees him as an equal or a bit above him which is rare for psychopathic minds. Buts its like he admitted defeat in fooling him pretending to be someone else.

He actually says he feels relieved he doesn't have to pretend anymore but struggles to know who he is really. I think he misses manipulating people but says that because that's all he has done all his life it is hard to not bounce back to that mode.

We have had him homeschooling for over a year so he doesn't interact to much with people. We decided to do that after he went on a crime spree. At the time we thought it had been a result of bullying but he has now admitted it was all him. Glad we did it because more chance to observe him.

He doesn't see it as a problem that's why it will be hard to take him to the GP. But he understands the logic in that there are lines he shouldn't cross and he says he wants to build those lines to for example realize its not convenient for him to hurt people because in the long run it will damage him.

But he is proud of his mind, he thinks he is superior.

Not your typical family conversation I agree. Feels like we are living in a nightmare movie.

@Alicia2022

It sounds traumatic for you and the whole family, and it is great you took the extra effort to homeschool him.

Yes it is important to protect the younger siblings, as an out of control oldest can be very damaging,

Is there anyway to stretch him and give him more responsibility. Often children who are in higher IQ ranges are not well serviced in schools, as teachers focus more on those struggling. Masking and playing roles may be a part.

He is still young. I am not sure what the "crime spree" was and you do not have to say, but did it have an element of attention seeking? Is there a way your husband (as he has some of your son's respect) can so something with him. Some oldest son, man to growing man weekends?

You mentioned "who he really is" in a couple of posts. He may be confused about not fitting in. There was been alarmist information about "psychopaths" on the net. The fear about it may push him further away.

Take Care

So he does not know who he is but does he know who he wants to be? It sounds like he has some understanding of that side...

A psychopath is a label of a set of behaviours and I hate to say it, but when you apply a label, you also set limitations in the way how you deal with the issues. Does he and you/your husband have a list of behaviours that you are finding undesirable? Can you prioritise which of those behaviours you feel are the greatest barriers that would stop him from living a life that he finds purposeful?

If you feel it would be hard to take him to a GP, would he be interested in a different approach, such as headspace? Lastly, do you feel safe around him?

Out of all the sources I've come upon, as per quite often, I find myself leaning on TED. This talk is a really compassionate and intelligent take. I recommend checking it out, if you haven't found it already.

https://www.ted.com/talks/jon_ronson_strange_answers_to_the_psychopath_test

I just found your post and wanted to let you know that I feel for all of you including your unwell son.

@Alicia2022

You have not posted for a while and may not wish to.

This I respect.

Please take care

Sophia