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Something’s not right

My friend was abused - help

My friend was abused - help

I have just discovered that an old friend had been sexually abused when he was younger. He has only hinted at it - & said he doesn't want to talk or think about it.
But I think I knew about it back then. I didn't know what 'it' was. I had no knowledge or understanding of pedophilia then. But I knew something wasn't right.
This may sound selfish and mean (although I don't mean it that way). On this site, I have spoken to others who have suffered from this type of violence - & I would offer a comforting word, an ear to listen, etc.
But wow - this is just so different. This is a friend. This is someone I loved. This is someone I would never want to see hurt or in pain.
I feel guilt for not knowing what was happening. I feel I SHOULD have known. But I know that is not logical. I wish that I had of told an adult - that I thought something was 'odd'. But I didn't.
This old friend from 30 years ago & I, have just found each other in the past few months - via the Internet. So we haven't met in person again yet.
I know the help lines and the services that are available. I think I know the help he needs. But really. He doesn't want to talk about or remember. I am respecting this. But what do I do now? And please don't say - just be there for him.
I feel broken. I feel useless. And I feel guilty because I'm talking about me and how I feel.
I just wish - so many things.
I wish I could take it all away. Stop his pain. But I can't.

41 replies

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In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

How helpful is that @utopia? What a thoughtful person. I'm pleased you're feeling more relaxed about meeting with your old friend. Don't discredit the huge amount of work you've done yourself.
I'm sure when you meet this chap after so many years you'll be able to assist him in so many ways.

Keep on keeping on doing what you're doing. It's working for you.
Luv n Hugzzz 💕

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

That's great @utopia 😊 that your psychologist is so good. Mine is lovely, but always rushing, sometimes finishing before the hour is up. Last time was a big rush. Seemed like I just started my session and it wa s over. 😯 Had a week off, recovering, before I go back for more EMDR.

I'm really pleased you're feeling better and looking forward to seeing your friend. Exciting for you, after so many years. 😊👍💗

Hi @Kurra 😀❤

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

@utopia - how wonderful is that? You are obviously very lucky with your therapist. More often than not we only hear the bad stories about therapists who underperform, or leave us hanging because your time is up. Your experience today gives us all faith in the industry. I too am lucky, in that my clinical psychologist always books a double apppointment for me and uses every bit of it. But its still lovely to hear your good news story.

And so very pleased that you feel so happy, relaxed and 'ready for anything' as a result of your session.

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

@Former-Member @Kurra @Former-Member @Former-Member. I have been very lucky to find this psychologist. And he's only just qualified, but he has ppreviously worked in drug and alcohol. My best friend actually recommended him - & you should see the change in her. Blossoming.
When he read our correspondence and my questions - he knew I was feeling in crisis mode (maybe because I wrote it on the bottom of my questions page). But he knew what I needed. To Remember and understand that this is my friends story, his problem, his interpretation - not mine. So yes empathise as I do on this site, but stop imagining what he must have felt - as my imagination is based on my experiences only. Only he can define how he felt etc.
Then my psychologist went into my stuff - re: separating first love feelings & explained what happens in the brain when we remember that first love & how it looks like I have opened a part of my heart to let love in again - whether with my old friend or someone else. That it's my brains way of telling me - that I am strong enough to allow myself to be vulnerable to another.
So I guess it was like a counseling session for two people - but only 1 was there.

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

@Former-Member - how are you finding the EMDR sessions? Have you had 2 now.

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

I'm really pleased for you @utopia. Well done 👍. I had total faith that you'd get it sorted. Now I hope you find the weekend goes ok. We'll be here if you need but it feels like you've got this. Best wishes💜😊🤗

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

Thanks @Former-Member & how are you?' How has your day been?

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

Hi @utopia
You sound so much calmer. You have worked so hard and now you're starting to teap the benefits. I have every confidence in your ability to handle this weekend with the same compassion you show us here.
Luv n Hugzzz 💕

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

@utopia. Feeling ******up but not really feeling like talking about it. Thanks for asking. I'm going to hide for a bit. I'll be ok just throwing a huge self pity party. I'm really happy for you though 💜😊

In response to: My friend was abused - help

Re: My friend was abused - help

@utopia Yes, I've had 2 EMDR sessions. 😊
So far, not successful. Unfortunately I put a wall up to protect myself, not on purpose. It just happens.
Will be going on Tuesday to try again.
I'm sure it works, I've had a lifetime of traumas and have had to protect myself with a wall (or whatever you like to call it 😊) Not sure what to call it. 😀

Good to hear you're going well again.
Very happy for you. 😀❤
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