Floating

Hi @toodles

Firstly, how are you today?

Change has been gradual, and I'm still a work in progress. I am medicated, have a psychologist and psychiatrist and do weekly group therapy. I'm very grateful for all that as I'm very aware some (most) people cannot access all that.

That said, the change regarding being "here" was initially quite quick- I really only entered that state in acute psychosis, so medication was quickly effective- to a level. So, what I experienced is not your experience. But I've had a brief taste, I think. But would certainly not claim to fully understand.

It's fantastic that you've learnt so much. Sucks that you've been in the situation where you Had to learn so much! But I admire your strength and courage. And the monitoring you speak of must take great effort. The uncertainty must also be draining.

Again, not something I can directly relate to much...but I Do get the not loving our(my)selves). Obviously far from ideal.

As for the times/events we are living through...they certainly are full on. It's hard to compare eras, but I think, even wholly objectively, "troubled" would a good way to describe the present. Are you able to resist the temptation to watch the news (for the Ukraine war, at least- I have no idea if you were/are directly impacted by the fires/floods/covid)? I know for me I have to make a bit of an effort to tune out- especially in the middle of this election campaign!

...Anyway, it occurs to me that I've blabbed on a lot with not a lot of obvious purpose. So I'll desist for now. I just wanted to, if nothing else, acknowledge you and hopefully encourage you to engage with this community. There's a wealth of people and experience here to draw upon. And an anonymous platform on which to share as much (or as little) of your experiences as you wish.

It is likely you'll find other members with a better, more direct understanding of your experience.

I will reiterate @Former-Member 's question about supports- do you have some you can rely upon when needed?

Ah yes, just quickly- best grounding for me is breathing practises. Nothing too formal, but just focussing on 'really' breathing, even for a very short time, really helps me. Beyond that, music and nature and my big go tos when I can. I've been 'taught' many methods, but I must admit I ain't the best at employing them all the time!

But enough. Sorry if that was just a waffle with no benefit!

Hi everyone,

sorry, not feeling great. I’ll try to reply soon.

Post when you want to and you can @toodles

I use heavy engagement with music to help get through the hard parts. Find your own way.

Take care

Hello @Former-Member

thank you so much for checking in. I have professional support to deal with them. I’m embarrassed that I still can’t control them and change can be so sudden. It’s hard to explain. It makes me angry too because my life externally is really good and they’re just messing with my head, I feel ungrateful. I have everything and more that I would have ever hoped for.
I reach out for help, I’ve learnt that I have to do that. It just seems like a never ending story in my head and it frustrates me that I go round and round and round, the repetitiveness of saying the same things and explaining the same things over and over again to ourselves is just so tiring.
How was your Easter?

Hi @StuF

How are you? Have you recovered from your cold? I hope you had a few nice days over Easter. I don’t celebrate Easter myself but I’m always happy that others do. It’s amazing that it’s actually a full day off (I think Easter Friday?) without any holiday ‘sales’ and stress.

What kind of therapy are you doing?

I’m medicated, but I get paranoid over side effects a lot or get really angry about medication suppressing who I am. So I stop and start, but I’m honest about that. I guess that’s a start.

I was impacted by the bushfires, not so much the floods. We had a death from covid in the family (not old age - it makes me so angry when people talk about existing conditions or old people only dying) but apart from that it’s been just the same as everyone else experienced, I think. I have personal experience with war, so it’s a bit hard to switch off. I don’t watch the news or look at pictures, but I keep informed, mainly out of direct fear for my family and friends - not that I could change anything… the election makes me angry too. I hear about the trans debate and I truly think, isn’t there anything else that’s important - why can’t we just leave people alone and look at important problems in our society. Makes me sick and sad and isolated.

Thank you for your message and I’m really grateful for what your share. I don’t think anyones experience in life can be similar but it’s lovely to have open minded people joined in a community.

take good care of yourself x

Hi @Appleblossom

How are you? Have you been able to get out into nature? It sound peaceful when you describe it. Do you have different ‘parts’ that run your life at times?

i love nature even if it’s unpredictable. It’s true life. It’s unforgiving and goes it’s own way. It’s not bound to restrictions in society. It’s not a fabrication of the human mind. I admit I didn’t like the bushfires, floods or even the wrath of covid. But it’s wild and true. I love the wind and rain. It grounds me. Nature just is what it is.

My friend has told me in the past that I’m creative. I’m not an artist, so I can’t really relate to it, but I’ve seen a bit more over the years what creativity can mean. But a creative buzz can or often does send me to spiral out of control so it scares me a bit and I’ve been taught to contain it - it’s the last thing I want to do, because it feels so nice, so alive but I know I want to take off and fly - gosh it’s such a great feeling and I feel so restricted by medication and what I’ve learnt. I hate being restrained. I’m not sure if that makes sense. That feeling is not exclusively to toodles. I feel like that too and it’s a time when Ciao just buggers off and leaves us alone. I don’t like Ciao. I don’t like toodles, but when we combine forces we’re just amazing. F Toodles.

how can you so well relate to my feelings, I feel like you understand.

have a lovely evening x

Hello everyone,

my days have been riddled with euphoria and death wishes. I see the sun and stars and the I’m just gone. It makes me tired. How do you hold on?

Hi again @StuF

I don’t understand why I want to be informed during the ukraine war. I couldn’t change anything before and I won’t make a difference this time. But I still hope that if I knew I’m advance I could make a difference. Wishful thinking… I don’t pray but I’m a religious term, that’s what I’m doing. I hope that the war for the people in the ukraine will end and that they will be able to rebuild their country and learn how to live with the trauma. The world will never be the same for them but I hope they will find joy in the future too. Everyone deserves peace, everyone, and the opportunity to heal.

Hi @toodles

Just wanted to quickly say I'm stoked that you replied. I will reply properly later on...

@toodles

Good to hear from you

I have been interested in all things psychological and psychiatric most of my life.

Visited my father in psych ward at around 10 and later studied it from various angles, so maybe I can sometimes see outside the box, and have thought about most labels and Dx for a long time, and usually look behind ... to causes, or circumstances or the whole person.

I definitely have different aspects of me. My ex (he was up with all the latest from America) told me about Sybil which I read and found I could relate to a fair bit, before it became more popular in media. I am mostly aware of the differences within me and so do not have alters or switch. I do have difficulty moving fluidly from them so can be socially dumbstruck about things I really know ... but cannot quite find in my overfull brain.

Some of the differences are due to environment and adapting to changes.

I have a strong science side and a strong arts/humanities side and a strong creative side, so I rarely see things simply.

I have not been personally heavily medicated until late in life. I agreed to it to be responsible for others, though I am not a great fan of meds. Been on light meds for about 15 years and a mix of anti dep and antipsychotics for about 6. Meds do serve a purpose and can keep us safe.

I hope meeting other on the forum helps ...some like minded people and some not quite the same.

I care about Ukraine too, but there's not much I can do. I do not study it closely tho. Just try and keep vaguely abreast of things in global politics.

Take Care

Apple