Trying makes it worse

Hi @maddison

The chatting does help me, and I love Ur interpretation of my user name!

Ancient and everlasting are two nice and strengthening images, also something that doesn't break, which makes me feel more like a survivor and less like a broken mess.

I really liked "Somebody, Somewhere", it was so calming and the people in it were all trying their best which I related to...

The show was Russian Doll on Netflix, I'm rewatching , I watch it every so often really....it gets me every time. I find hope in it even though it has themes of suicide.

My Dr is working to get me in, but I think I could definitely express more how urgent it feels for me. Fill in the gaps I guess of what he may miss, the flat points I endure between our sessions. Thanks for that amazing suggestion, I appreciate it.

I so relate to you on meditation! I have started yoga recently which I also thought was not for me. I do it on zoom which is easy.

🌼 🌸 🌻 🌹

Hi @NatureLover @maddison @wellwellwellnezhow are you...so I've been pretty low, had I think delayed onset trauma and been irritable, lik with the system, changes of appointments, miscommunication....

I go between trying so hard and just letting go and not caring about recovery

How is everyone doing and how are u feeling

X EternalFlower

Hi @EternalFlower

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@EternalFlower wrote:

I go between trying so hard and just letting go and not caring about recovery

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I think this is normal... At least, I give myself "days off" now and then where I just rest and don't try to achieve anything. I don't think we can operate full steam ahead all the time, at least, I can't.

I'm sorry you've been low, it sucks, doesn't it.

I'm doing OK mostly at the moment, thanks...

So agreeing with you @NatureLover . Taking a break from recovery is an essential part of recovery. It has to be. Can't march on an empty stomach.

Thanks @NatureLover @wellwellwellnez

glad u are doing OK arm @NatureLover

The break kind of helped me, I had a rough in bed day yesterday but I realised it's a privilege to be able to do so and that it's ok

I, ok with feeling sad.

I'm not so ok with feeling anxious or scared, which I try and shake off and play as if it's not happening

I've been in hospital judt arrived and finding it helpful

I'm in hospital currently and it has been a lot

I find the people pretty chill ans the nurses not the best, not so easy to talk to at times

I was given leave and two other residents asked me to join them for a walk and I said no, but then I ended up at the same Cafe they went to and they offered me to join.

I am getting to know other residents and finding sometimes it is too much but sometimes it's really nice

Hi @EternalFlower

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@EternalFlower wrote:

I had a rough in bed day yesterday but I realised it's a privilege to be able to do so and that it's ok

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This was helpful to me, thank you.

I hope your time in hospital is helpful...

Hi @EternalFlower ,

I'm glad for you that you made it to hospital. How are things going on there?

Hi @NatureLover

So glad it resonated hope u are doing OK...

Hi @maddison @wellwellwellnez

Thanks maddison....for support ....hospital has been not extremely helpful

I wanted to stay longer but the Dr said because I have a complex personality disorder and cptsd he prefers short stays for me, I don't fully understand it, but he's right. After a few days I feel like I need to leave. The truth is I just don't want to go home, I feel not so safe there now.

My Dr really triggered me yesterday, he said I've had an unlucky life and it somehow made me feel so sad.

I felt so overwhelmed and scared with all the memories of different traumas, it's hard to be OK with my situation.

I've not been able to see any silver lining, just a series of awful occurrences.