Trying makes it worse

Glad you had a decent day at DBT @EternalFlower .

Theory and practise ... ahhhh!

I was overly inclusive, due to identifying with people in the toughest of circumstances. Learning to separate out looking after my self as opposed to looking after others, and putting that boundary in there. So slow with boundaries ... weary sigh.

You may find it a bit old school .. but a book called "Interior Castle" helped me.

https://www.carmelitemonks.org/Vocation/StTeresa-TheInteriorCastle.pdf

Not so much the writing but the overall concept. The detail was interesting from a historical perspective, and I came from a strong Catholic background. Even though I moved to a more Buddhist approach in 20s, I found this book good to show me similarities between the two faiths.

Hi @Appleblossom I relate to that needing to separate kindness and even the religious idea of self sacrifice, with setting uo walls abusers and manipulators can't get through

Protection.

I'm not too keen on religion these days...sadly. I don't like to think of the religious idea of forgiveness, which ppl use to protect abusers.

I find myself praying somehow still in dark hours though

h

Yep totally get that. @EternalFlower I was asked to leave my last church 6 years ago because they did not want to accept my trauma story. Even though I was often letting them off the hook and doing lots of forgiving. I had lived in hope they would value my input, but learning to separate out church and hierarchy and spirituality.

Oh @Appleblossom, I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you, I can only imagine how invalidating and perhaps isolating that would have been. But truly, bravo for speaking up and no doubt sending a message to others within the church that voices and histories like yours do exist, and that you have the strength within to speak with conviction, dignity and empowerment. That's how I hope you have landed with that at least 💙

It is why I really needed the forum @Former-Member

I still have not closed the loop on the church issues. Not been strong enough, but it gives me purpose as something to do in the future. Also not all people in churches are bad ,,, but I gotta get better at sorting the wheat from the chaff ... to use a biblical quote.

I love that saying @Appleblossom, and I love that the forums provide the space for you to begin to sort through all that remains for you with the church. It is true that not all people in churches are bad, I once fostered a relationship with a beautiful Catholic priest and what amazed me most was my own preconceived perceptions of how I expected him to be. He certainly expanded my expectations of what the church can bring to the community when governed from a place of genuine love and sincerity.

Over the past few months I've admired your willingness to share, to offer your journey to others in the hope of providing support through many a storm, and your willingness to persist. I trust these qualities will serve you well when the time is right to confront any issues you wish to explore with the church.

Thankyou for your support @Former-Member @EternalFlower

I'm so glad that he was able to articulate it in a way that was meaningful to you. I know it will be welcomed when I share with him, how others on this forum can not only relate, but also value his input.

I can feel the acceptance in your reply💚

At the moment, he has started to become unwell again. He had started to improve over the last week & then in the last 3 days, he has stopped sleeping. He has agreed on taking some extra medication tonight to help with sleep. This is actually a huge step for him, that I have noticed in the last few weeks, where he is open to listening & taking meds. 🤞

He is so incredibly lucky to have you @maddison .

tyme

Hi @maddison Thanks for sharing and for keeping Ur friend safe. That sounds good Re the meds for sleep. Not sleeping for days is something I'm familiar with. I am sorry Ur friend has had such a rough time. I hope the medication gives him respite.

I'm saddened to hear your flatmate is feeling the symptoms arise again, but I hope that with the right support and the friendship he has in you @maddison, he'll be feeling more himself soon.

Let us know how he, and you, get on 💜