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Trying makes it worse

Trying makes it worse

Hi,

I'm EternalFlower and I've been feeling completely overwhelmed, sad, and pessimistic.

I've tried and been a responsible patient and person, reaching out to various services when I started feeling scarily anxious and suicidal, 2 years back..

My Dr is new, a young guy who regularly admits he's inexperienced, and aside from some good jokes, he actually does very little

I notice how easy it is to blame myself that I don't feel better, a total shame spiral, but I wander if my treatments just are bad....

I wanted to chat and hear anyone and hope I can use this space to help not feel so alone.

Thanks xxx EternalFlower

2606 replies

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In response to: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Take good care of your health @Former-Member , you matter!!!

Thanks for your amazing care to @tonys , we are thrilled he is ok and I'm so happy to be connecting again

In response to: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hi @TAB thanks for your support earlier even when you have yourself been dealing with hospital and setting up your home etc...

I feel much better

I have decided to take the loss and move on .

I wanna put in a good fight for my mental health and not allow one man to impact me so negatively not giving him more airtime

My own health is all I need to deal with now and not sit around being down .

I can try keep moving and fighting

The hurt has subsided a tiny bit and I didn't self harm

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

very good @EternalFlower what is your plan for the rest of your night then ???

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

https://youtu.be/7Xo28RwDCSE?si=lTI-K4sMutbAAncM been watching this..

@EternalFlower

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Love it @TAB , how did everything go today are u feeling better?

I am running a load of washing as my new place has a washing machine

Didn't eat meals yet but feels positive I'm starting back to do housework as I've otherwise been living in a pigsty

Otherwise watching Seinfeld. I don't have the internet yet here so just on my phone no idea when the data will run out or how it's still working

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

well sounds good then , got tv and wmach . @EternalFlower enjoy your cleaning, not sure how much long can last here.

In response to: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

thankyou @Former-Member You know, reading your letters, i'm always left feeling like I've just guzzled down one of your supper sports drinks. Feel pumped without having to put the work in.

So, what are we going to do about that blood pressure problem of yours. I guess you're doing it before I've even thought of it. Mine has always been too low. Maybe if we are friends, It'll all even out. .

Docs been on the tools this morning and the stainless trays gradually filling up with swarth. Ouch ! ,

Its not the pain that concerns me. Her quick set concrete words of discipline leave me wondering if a small part of her is deriving some pleasure from my fear. Well, . . . Little does she know, a large part of me is deriving some sort of pleasure from thinking this.

Think I need another seminar from appleblossom. Now I remember you served in the theatre of war they call " the corporate world" . It can take a lot to come down from those adrenalin highs and cold blood lows on the slippery floor of the killing room. I forgot what you did to escape but strips of you remain on the barbed wire I imagine. Some days the world just looks at us with those cold gunmetal eyes. With a kind hand from our friends, we summon the courage to stare it down.

You'll just keep running till one day its all run out of you. Run Forest run. . .

I admire you very much @Former-Member .

Hope its ok if I say a quick high to @Appleblossom @EternalFlower @TAB @Oaktree @Shaz51

@tyme @Sophia1 @Owlunar @StuF and all the other beautiful folk.

When they are done basting this side of me, its back in the oven with the apple in my mouth "to shut me up" and I'll be, outta business for the arvo.

Always smiling and hope you folk are too. very best to all tonys.

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Do you have another little gem from your journal for me @EternalFlower . I'm going too look out for them my friend. Take care mate. tonys.

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

thankyou @TAB No prizes for guessing what spawned that little selection. A classic . Hope your are kicking back behind your moat on a sunny sunday arvo. I'm still playing that "Pretty Reckless" song that greenpea sent me. Would have cried if I had missed that one. Ladies vocals leave cautious in the rear vision mirror. In the saddle and on her trail I am. Thanks to both of you. Hope you are feet up too @StuF Good nite all.. tonys

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