Trying makes it worse

So well put, @Appleblossom , What you said about writing allowing you explore and vent places you can't, in the public arena. Someone on Sane gave me a bit of encouragement way way back. Lets just say, a journal is for me a place I can sit naked, alone, and vulnerable, and truly meet myself.

@EternalFlower Way way back you wrote about living in a house with 10 broken TV s and not a stick of useful furniture. That sits on the profound shelf in my head. It won't leave, and I will use it one day.

Big hugs to both of you. tonys mb 1

Trees grown in stone, every hard fought ring another year of wisdom. @Appleblossom .

Your still an oak. T mb1

Thank you @tonys

@EternalFlower I see. Sometimes when on the ward I would guess there is an us and them between patients and staff.... not sure if that was part of it....

Sometimes its about being careful whose advice we follow. So many people have opinions, but if actions dont effect their lives they may not be the ones to listen to ... same with me ... we only really make progress when we take agency, but at different times we are not sure which acts ... will be the best for gaining legitimate power and control of our lives.. what is indeed the best course of action???

As he has made the stand that he is not re-engaging, the main thing, is to come to terms the end of the relationship as best you can. Yes you did something, but can you learn about different levels of your own wisdom, and forgive yourself.

Have you heard of the 'locus of control?'

Have you seen the circles of things we can and cannot control ... ?

Maybe there can be a good out of this, if you were being overly dependent on him. Maybe a part of you needed to go it alone ... I do not know and cannot judge. The only person who really knows is you. Go gently with you. A lot has happened, but it might not be all bad.

@tonys that is true about the house with no furniture

And so many TV's

I am supported ok. Got some crises support from CATT. Just feeling run down and sad. Have had some family support but it's hard to explain and just trying to fight the dark dark thoughts

They were there before this as we all know and I didn't have the perfect situation. But a sudden change is hard @Appleblossom @TAB @hanami @tyme

Just wiaitnf for the catt team on the phone

Experiencing some self harm urges

Bit scared about calling them as they came out this morning so it's pretty chronic and embarrassing

I try

I am trying

Sorry if my tags are a lot I am really struggling and understand it's a lot I do kinda sick

@tonys @Appleblossom @tyme @tyme @TAB

@EternalFlower

Mental strength is important to cultivate.

Eternal Flower ... is your profile name and could be somehow woven into a mantra to deflect negative thoughts harming or suicidal thoughts.

Have you looked at DBT self help online.

I do not particularly think we should all have to sign up

Have you heard of surfing the urges?

Hi @Appleblossom I'm on the waitlist for a program at Spectrum on voc that comes this kind of work

I spoke to a woman at the catt team and I'm ok and safe

Glad to hear you are safe @EternalFlower and glad to hear you are on Spectrum's waitlist. Dealing with our fear and worry is always difficult, but Spectrum is probably better suited to help you long term than the one to one clinical relationship with your doctor.

I just went and did the deed of the day with my son. Home and ate yummy tuna mornay.

We tend to just do one main meal a day. Funny how things we take for granted do not always stay the same... its no longer 3 for us.

You can get through this.

Sounds really nourishing and yum @Appleblossom

What have you got planned for dinner? @EternalFlower