Trying makes it worse

Hey @chibam much appreciated ur comment and for being here

I ended up ok at my aunts for a few days, the goal was to have a bath to alleviat the sore knee, and to be closer to my medical appointments. On thursday it helped as i saw gp and physio near her place so less commute. The place had been rented to a young family before me and they had a beautiful vibe i could feel ...kids decorations and beautiful decorations from their religion.

Hi @outlander i have been close to crises but i got through with x2 calls to lifeline. I am ok. Still so confused about who to trust and a bit worried about my medication as it was prescribed by my psychiatrist who i feel was so bad for me and just gave me no notice before going away for 5 weeks. And then i called and now its 6 weeks. My trauma brain is not so safe in itself. It feels so tired.

Hi @outlander thank u....i was considering doing that to try see someone else at his clinic but my cm said she could find me someone else. Still, i think i might try

Might give me something to hold onto

My knee feels a tiney bit better, one is bit worse. But both hurt.

Hi @outlander im having a bit of trouble navigating the forums but thank u for writing to me

I have some exercises to do which i managed today to try strengthen my knees

Trying to get in with replacement psych while mine is away. It is really testing me.

I am shocked and hurt to have been left with no one.

I am in public and private system and they share my care but it does not work.

He did not notify them of his leave which was stupid imo.

I am sorry to rant. My heart is sort of broken. I opened it up to trust and get help and am in the same position as when i started, someone they discard and forget about

It recreates the ptsd i was seeking therapy for. It is very painful.

Hi @outlander @chibam @Shaz51 @TideisTurning @Appleblossom

Thanks @outlander it is really hard. I had a small break at my aunt and just packing up now and trying to settle back home.

The replacement psych offered to help and see me so that worked out sort of although i havent heard back about when.

I feel quite sleepy and overloaded. Have also just got on ndis which has funding for psychotherapy so thinking who i can choose as my psychotherapist.

Choice is good, though.

Yep choice is good @EternalFlower when we are not overwhelmed.

The forums have grown. I have spent a lot of time just reading other people's experiences. Sometimes that would help me feel better, not that other had a hard time, but more normalising struggling with life. Glad you are talking with @outlander

Abandonment and trauma are difficult to work through, but you can work through it.

Gentle waves both of you

Going to water my physio garden. I put in plants last week. Giving them extra til they establish....

Apple

Thanks @Appleblossom

Trauma is very heavy atm i keep having this thought that without family or money i cant make it.

It Is good to feel less alone and it is quite amazing how isolating, heavy thoughts that feel really different to the person walking down the street are in fact universal.

I hope u are doing well...the garden sounds cool

@EternalFlower

I cannot tell you what to do about your family. Every family is so unique, but people do survive and manage on their own.

I started this garden at my physio cos there was only bare dirt. Not even mulch. I had been digging and propagating plants in my court garden and my geurilla garden ... lol ... so it had to be a bit of a habit. I had lots of plants to spread around. I was also upset at being blamed for not doing work, so part of it was dont tell me I dont put in ... dig ... dig ... anyway I am almost finished this one. This physio practise have appreciated it. I was way out on a limb really. Not well ... but now I feel I have a good physio. The practice manager understands, and I feel a sense of respect. They do the right thing by me. The NDIS pays them but I also put in plenty. By spring the garden will be gorgeous and irises are starting to bloom.