Trying makes it worse

@EternalFlower Hello my friend, how are you. I'm afraid today has been like a Russian novel with the last page torn out. . . unending, !

So, An old flame returns. do tell. If he mustered the courage to reach out, so you are on his mind, I know you have to be cautious, but if its not something that will set you back, then an extra friend that knows you may be good for you, especially when you need all the support you can gather. Of course I don't know anything about this fellow, and we all know how naïve I can be. Just trying to see the sunny side.

Yes I hear you Re threads, Till recently I did not pay much attention to what thread i was on.

and I think I click on the , "email me If someone replies box" you unknowingly join that thread. And guess what . . . Its a state secret, I've asked a few times and know ones telling.

Anyway If some one writes I always write back, and it takes me where it takes me.

and if I don't write back. then It means I didn't find or lost someones letter.

Computer is much harder than the phone but providing I live to 130, I might just understand it.

I'm am very pleased to hear you banked a little sleep. My book keepers away so i played up a bit last night, Music going, I'm up dancing with imaginary angels, and over enjoying a good red till 3 am. then work today. Feel like someone pulled my plug now. . . and I just finished making another batch of my famous muffins.

I think we should High 5 and both be proud of ourselves today.

So take care of yourself and let me know how you go with your friend. I love romance

gossip. . . I know, do what I do. let the tossed coin decide.. Maybe I should be prime minister😊

tonys moon base one

@Appleblossom

If blossoms of notes

arose from my flute

forever I'd play

and forgo the fruit.

thanks for your posts and support. I hope life is being fair to you.

yes, I have a couple of guitars, a very old Takamine solid top and a cheap yamy with pic ups. They play them selves and I just hang on for dear life. I'm the make up songs and sing , half of the act . . .

I put the guitar in there because there were only about 8 choices and I needed something to cover up that blank face that looks uncannily like me. . . .

Mate, on a serious note. I do hope things are going well for you. I know that you are not young, and your visits to counsellors etc, highlights the life long battles many have , with the scars inflicted upon them.

You of course being the iron clad lady will answer, I'm alright, I have it under control. . .

No need, Just accept that I do have some insight and, my thoughts are with you when shadows infringe on your gardens.

Very best wishes tonys moonbase one

@EternalFlower Thank you.

Have been to yoga and physio, and the pain levels have come right down. He is a new physio and very young, but I think he is good, and is stretching me and teaching me. Mostly I have had treatment and exercises for my top half but now we focus on lower back, hips and legs. My old physio left the practice but they all know me through Covid I worked a lot in their garden. I guess I was sick of doing exercises inside, and had a bad experience with one physio a long time ago, so maybe a bit defensive. They all respect me and know I do the work.

Glad you are feeling a bit better.

@tonys Thank you for your beautiful poetic personalised style. Love reading what you write to others, and now feel blessed also.

@EternalFlower hey there Eternal flower, Have been thinking off you lately and wondering how you are. Haven't heard from you and I'm unsure if that is a good sign or not, that you are finding your way out of the maze. I invested in some tickets on you because I have faith you.

Your a winner working your way through the pack, and one day I hope you'll share me a look at your ribbons.

All the very best to you. Tonys mb 1

Hello @Appleblossom & @EternalFlower & anyone else reading along,

My God of I could begin to sum up the week I've had, I would never talk to again.

Today has been a bummer. Not all, the last few hours were major stress.

I was looking on forums to fill in time & detox my mind. I saw this post was most recent & needed a distraction.

Reading your warm words to one another.... It was the memory I needed.

I have been meeting lots of new people lately. I like people. Some are instant homes, others are harder to see, others are dead end street.

When I find an instant home person...Wow.. Relaxed, peace, bliss, easy. New people are hard though. They teach me about me. I'm a bit influential, I think I mean easily influenced...I don't like to be rigid on my thinking. I have learnt self love thru people I didn't know if I liked. I have learnt betrayal thru those I felt most comfort with.

I have no idea if there is a moral to my story - & yeh that's kinda been the theme.

All I know for sure is I love love. It's the best.

Chuck out the rest.

Is that a thing?

Gonna eat my cheeseburger & fries now.

May anyone reading this experience the magic I have seen❤️

Hi @Appleblossom im pleased to read ur posts and that youre enjoying the poetic gifts of @tonys , and being here and sharing.

@tonys im bit lost in mud not sure next steps weve had so many issues getting supports from hospital. Today i put on a mask and told them im healed and feel great. Better and all resolved. They said great.

My dr said if someone displays similar hed be quite worried and question why the sudden change of mood

I think they want to discharge me so it doesnt matter what i say.

Im too tired of the hopsital having such low standards of care. I was told to try not watch scary things at night... They think this sage advice has cured my ptsd.

It hasnt.

Hello my friend @EternalFlower Mate I just wish I could go down there and give the system a good shake , like a big dusty rug. . You have me up some times really worried about you.

I'm being selfish when I say I feel better when I know you are with people, and I guess that why I like to here you are in the hospital with some one close at hand.

But I have never been In a mental health facility and don't know the first thing about them.

I just hate the thought of you being on your own.

I have learnt from this Sane forums that the very real problems you have cant just be cured

in an instant. Appleblossom Owlunar and a few others I read appear to have been on Sane forums for years and still enlist the help of mental health professionals. Please my friend, you have to tell people Exactly. . how you feel. This will build up an {evidence portfolio} over time that may just lead to the very real help and full support you need. Maybe NDIS. maybe better housing. Maybe the latest medicine trials.

All I know for sure is I am worried and I don't want you to be alone.

Please stay in touch. and do also reach out to @Thyme and @Appleblossom . When you feel like this. They will want to Know and they have one advantage over me. years of experience traveling the roads you are on. As for me. I just care deeply for you and want you to make the best of any choice that comes your way. Reach out to me any time my friend.

tonys moon base one

Dear @EternalFlower It is always good to get a tag from you. I do not know why society pushes some people to the edges and we become outliers. I bought a poetry book called edge effect

Yes I still have mental health professionals in my life but I most certainly have not found them always easy to talk to about my feelings. SO though I love @tonys, my advice is not to tell them exactly how you feel. I have been such a coper in my life thru various challenges I do not think of it as a mask at all, it is one aspect of my being. Yeah when work has to be done, or kids get fed, or people dealt with, one has to do the best we can.

I do not divide feelings into fake and true, which I have seen some people do. What happened to fake it til you make it?? I could probably write a thesis on it. In fact I already kinda have ... it was about grief, and had a combination of medical history and personal poems in it. Sat in a medical library with a groovy red carpet. Talk about loud. Is that good taste or what? What are feelings anyway? What is mood and what is a mood disorder? It helps to reflect on how our moods and feelings shift. What stimulates us and what calms us, and what we need to be doing as best lifestyle choices.

Only you know how to deal best with the people at hospital. In my mind it would be most important for them to set up GOOD AFTER CARE. Then you will not get too isolated which can be a problem for us all.

Mostly the best help we get is from within and cultivating that is so important. Being with just any people, is not always the answer, but finding people you resonate with does help, its just that it is not easy to find them, and is part of the wonder and challenge of life.

I am slowly finding my tribe in real life, and yes finding an online sympatico bunch on here has helped me heaps. You are not me. We are from different generations, get along a bit cos you are a deep thinker, but there are probably heaps of things we do not agree on, and we really do not have to agree on everything. Thats an unrealistic expectation for anyone.

Take Care of YOU, BELLA.

@EternalFlower @Sophia1 Hey there you two. hope you are both well and finding something to smile at each day. Been a while so I just thought I'd give you the bad news.

Your jolly green giant farmer friend in different coloured left foot thongs is not just going to forget you.

I'm stumble getting pulled from one thread to another, but in the small hours I do worry that you are both making your way Ok,

I know how busy life gets, and thats a good thing... Farms flat out...

This is just to let you know theres always a chair around the fire for you if you need to shed or share.

Tonys moon base one.

Hey @tonys @Appleblossom

Thinking of you my friends....

I had a rough time recently ...disilllusioned.

I tried to tell the care team how hard it was for me but they blamed me, so i found id tell them compliments to avoid getting mire diagnsoes and criticisms on me.

How is ur day @tonys

How are u @Appleblossom ur checks in waiting and listening make all things better