Trying makes it worse

Hi @EternalFlower

I am going ok thanks. Cold weather is here🌨️ I went outside now to bring bins in and very dark clouds, it will rain soon. I love rain though, I wonder if you like it?

Returning to work is huge step. I imagine the first few days would be very hard & then hopeful, you might adjust& it will become easier.

You also seen to be someone who is very self aware and perceptive in managing your own Mental health. If you know that work is too overwhelming at the moment, that is ok too🙂

My friend is also in the public health system. I can understand completely how frustrating getting support can be. I have needed to call back repeatedly over several weeks in the past. Now I have learnt that I need to be more assertive & clear than I would usually expect to have to be, when things get to crisis point. It is not easy, & probably one of the most difficult parts to navigate. It is difficult to explain, for me over the phone, or for him during his consults, in words, the extent of crisis.

🔁🌸💜

Sorry if this is slightly jumbled - I had strange sleep last night.

Maybe you could write some notes to take to your appointment tomorrow?

Hi @maddison how are u?

I appreciated your message .... I call a lot to the hospital, I had a good case manager and then he lett and I got a new one, she is so unhelpful, she never shows up, every time we're meant to meet its an excuse

I feel in crises it's not a safe place.

I wander how Ur friend feels, it must be hard to get the attention and care,

For me that's how it feels.

I am not ready to work those hours, it's a little scary.

I hope Ur not too tired today, did u get any rest during the day?

Take care 🙂 💕

Hello all

@Paperdaisy @maddison @wellwellwellnez @TAB @Scream58

My anxiety has been up a lot, but seems coming down a little

Going to work again was hard, thank u for the encouragement to try stick with it

I am offered either really short or really long shifts ie 9 hours and I took the longer one

It doesn't feel worth my while coming in for very short shifts, also I think if I do it too often I'll become the go to for these.

Unwinding with a funny show. Doom-reading a bit online and on social media.

I love hearing ppls recovery stories but sometimes I also read ppl who feel that the mh system has broken them, and I know that happens too.

My case manager has shown me therr are some ppl in the field for the wrong reason, who are not very committed to their clients.

I hate having to beg for help

Today I called twice to reach her, as persistence usually helps, and left a message each time

She texted me that the messages got to her while she was in important and pressing meetings. I'm pretty sure that's not true because I was on the phone with the receptionist who walked to her desk and said she wasn't there, and I doubt they barge into meetings for a small thing like a patient calling.

The case manager, I feel, added that in to make me feel bad for bothering her.

We are all valuable and reaching my assigned case manager, when I've been suicidal, should be OK.

She's very inaccessible and usually doesn't return calls at all.

Hi @EternalFlower

How are you going?

I really appreciate your words of support. I know you are going through so much yourself, it is nice for me to be in contact with you😊

Are you ok? I see you mentioned suicidal thoughts. I don't how to talk about this. I want you to know that it is very important for you to reach out and talk to right people -I think you do & I REALLY admire your ability and strength.

Funnily (not funny!), I am going through exact same scenario with my friend and his case worker. His former case worker was so lovely and engaging - she would make house calls at the first sign of any problems & I believe, was really in tune with his complexities.

The one he has now, has been absent, off sick to most of his appts & is kind of dismissive of me.

I am in the process of trying to advocate for him, to change case workers. He is not proactive about his health. I think he has possibly not been listened to for his whole life, and gave up asking for help. He still does ask, although his language is subtle. Many times I have overlooked, I am learning to notice small details more. That is part of reason why it is so important he have case worker who is in it for right reasons! As you said.

Sorry, I somehow turned this post into 'all about me'. 😮 Oh dear.

I will try write to you later. Good luck with you appointment today.

(Don't doom scroll 😊 - I do it too, with Covid)

💜💙💚

I am so sorry to hear of the tough situations you have had to navigate; @maddison with trying to advocate for your friend and @EternalFlower trying to access support for yourself. I want to encourage you both to keep trying, but also reach out for extra support if you really need it or what you're experiencing starts to feel too distressing. As @maddison has mentioned, it's really important to reach out and talk about it if suicide or safety are a concern. There are other options out there you can access such as Beyond Blue (1300 224636) and Blue Knot Foundation (1300 657 380), even as an interim measure, until you are able to access your usual supports.

Thankyou for your support @TideisTurning 🙂

"We are all valuable and reaching my assigned case manager, when I've been suicidal, should be OK."

You are right @EternalFlower

And it IS ok🙂

I believe you, that your case worker may have been embellishing, as I see similar issues.

I understand that MH system is inadequate & underfunded. I have so much respect for the nurse. I believe many of them are good & do care.

I don't like to talk badly about them, because I really have highest regard. This is my first experience, where current nurse has left me feeling disillusioned. I can also see the effect it has had on friend. It is visible that he feels forgotten & left out. The extra support from trained medical staff is so important.

There is more going on. I won't go into. Seems I have more weight placed on me at moment. As a result, the house is in total disarray. I cannot find energy to clean.

I'm trying to be easy on myself. So what, if things are chaotic at moment! It will calm down as I adapt to new circumstances👍

@TideisTurning @EternalFlower

Hi @maddison

U are amazing helping Ur friend and advocating! The system is broken, and can break ppl, and it really scared me that my advocacy would lead to me being expelled from the service

This has not happened, but the case manager would maybe have tried, my Dr says. She just does not want to help.

I really relate as my friend sent her husband over to help me with something, he ended up offering to fix my lights..,,but i declined

I am very ashamed of my home, which is disgusting, I have issues keeping order.

I get overwhelmed a d pile things on the floor.

I find if helpful also to let go at times. I hope u feel okay and proud for letting it be and that whenever u do it is ok.

I had a young woman sometimes help me clean, she and I got along and she would help for just one 9r two hours , but she has not responded to me for a while. I myself used to work in a similar job when I was very much needing moneym, not cleaning houses but being a nanny, and i remember sometimes I'd feel like the families didn't "see" me.

So I try give her bonuses and make her feel I value her time. She used to come help out once a month. She knows I am messy and chaotic currently. And even after she helps, I mess it up super swiftly.

I hope the rain was calming. I do like it a lot . I am enjoying this weather and time of year.

Hi @TideisTurning thank you for that Reminder, very true

Hi @EternalFlower

How are you?

Thankyou for acknowledging that we share similar roadblocks when it comes to keeping house tidy and organised. I do feel a touch lighter! 🙂

I hadn't considered the perspective of being proud of myself to be able to prioritise it lower over other things.

I'm not proud of the mess, in any way - I value order & cleanliness - I feel calmer in that it is a (subconscious) choice & because of that, other things have been able to prosper because of it.

I completely relate to the shame. I would not have people inside either. Not at the moment anyway, it is particularly bad.

Thankyou for your support relating advocating for friend. I worry about the system being broken. It is difficult for me, & I am not directly in it. I know what you are talking about regarding the fear of being expelled. We have been through that. I think it lasted around 6 months before re-hospitalisation was needed, thus back in the system. I knew it was a mistake to begin with, & he (my friend) was terrified. 'Like taking away the handrails.'

Change of pace🙂 that got sad! I hope you have relaxing weekend. (I might not be around much - till Monday) The rain has been fun! I'm enjoying the weather too. The only thing better than rain, is hail!😊 I heard it last night. 🌃

U r amazing @EternalFlower