Trying makes it worse

Thank you @tonys

I needed to read that, re having skills in comfort , I feel just being here and saying something is hugely brave and super helpful

So many people say nothing when someone is on the edge..they are scared to tip them over

I appreciate ur comments

And invitation.

I'm in a lot of pain this evening , I have been struggling. I struggle now to explain it in words. There is internal seas and lots of fear. I am needing someone to talk to. And just then I got your message, so it was a life saver . Thank u

@EternalFlower Hello their my friend. Yes well im just glad some force of nature revealed that letter to me. I have not long had a computor, woeful skills. and normally time poor..

But as it happens I'm having a spell of the tractor..... a little crook , and sporting some stiches, so ive had a few days to rummage through the paper trails. How many letters do I miss I wonder. It worries me. . .

Yes . . . tipping one over the edge, I have to admit to you, Its my No 1 concern . . . .

But . . . till the tanks arrive , we make do with infantry, you and me.

I know nothing of the raft you cling to, but I expect thats for later, and for now we just hang on and know our flares have been spotted. . .

I spent some time googling some word @Appleblossom served up and that took me down all sorts of wonderful roads, and then I'm still thumbing through some solid advice from @Sophia1 Maddisons raft is out their too , lash em all together and we have the makings of something that will sail again.. I have to tell you . . . I'm am happy little traveller. and they help me heaps , , ,

So, once people like this get a good grasp on you. . . ! well, I think, I know, they will help draw back the curtains and let the sun splash in again. . . and then just for friendship , well there are doors all over the place with smiles and a welcome. . .So the enemy is at the gates. . . worry not. . . I've posted guards. . . . . You think of nothing tonight but sleep. and after work . I will look especially for you. well past sleepy time

Goodnight @EternalFlower Your flower . . is eternal O K . . . tonys moon base one

Today I have been communicating with my care team, and pushing myself.

Trying

I am a bundle of nerves.

I do not talk to parents, brother or aunt since I got unwell and this is sometimes hard during crises.

They just don't get it.

I find some people will never get it. Are they weirdly jealous of us? Because we speak about what we live with, and they can't? Defensive? I don't know.

I hope I will be ok....these nights lately sh and si sit with me

Hey @EternalFlower I'm sorry things are hard right now. I admire anyone who can speak up about their mental health. It isn't easy and it shows a lot of strength. I hope you're OK. We sent a check in email, please let us know how you're doing tonight 💝

Hello my friend EF ❤️

@EternalFlower I am here for you. Thankyou again for commenting on my poem. That is a huge compliment!!! I know you know lots about words - & Apple mentioned I write beautifully & meanwhile being in the thick of it... These compliments, & kindness & understanding are better than my diamonds!!

I'm having a low day too. I'm going to be around tonight - if you want to chat. I could use the company. I had a big defeat today...& an ultimate win. I do finally see a way out now. It's going to take effort & time.. It's there tho...& I am very thankful.

The 'stystem' shattered me today. IVOs... Lovely, pretty words on a piece of paper...

I'm glad you are communicating with your care team. Even if they don't give the greatest response at time - the very important thing, is that we made the effort to reach out & communicate. We are courageous. Self aware. Survivors.

I don't know if you feel like this - & Apple made reference to this too in her recent letter to me....I get oh so tired of being courageous. 'life giving us more than we can deal & accepting "harsh" exists.

I'm having a day of feeling - this is ENOUGH.

I want to climb under my doona, switch my brain light off, and say, 'Here World - You deal with this now, my tiny humanness is not nearly enough.'...& I'm the biggest human I've ever met!

I don't know eternalflower, I think it's O K to give up... like what happens if you don't try really hard?

I can relate to your comment about others feeling defensive. I have felt that too. Like they are threatened? Mental health is confronting. I think that is why we - YOU - are so brave. People on these forums are easy to talk to. We all are ok to talk about mental things, traumas, depression, si & sh. People, don't know how to talk about these things in the 'real' world. It can be really scary.

You are the person who taught me! It's ok to talk about suicide topics. It's even good. You taught me that.

I am not qualified or in any way educated to suggest how you can cope with your thoughts.

If you want to talk💅🙂 I will come back later tonight & say hi & tell you what I'm up to!

- my check in lady called me, part way thru writing. It was good to express my devastations of the systems in place to protect women. I could f**king scream, I'm so angry right now.

I'm a bit sleepy but wanting to say hello and thanks for the like and for the interactions

@maddison @tonys

I am on a raft here isolated, and the waves are my past which is noisy, unruly, wild and scary.

I hope U can feel the metaphor.

I feel a little bit more supported today. I hope U are recovering @tonys

Ivos....I feel sad because they don't protect people really imo and sometimes abusers enjoy it I don't know...I feel like the law is so not progressive and sensitive to absuse and it's all about who can afford the best lawyers.

Thankyou for saying hello @EternalFlower I hope you are safe & sleeping. I am up late as usual.

I could connect with your waves of the past.

I have been interacting with family. It has been ... wild... I'm not sure what I'm doing. Ideally I want to do things on my own. I'm not aware if that's a possibility. I think maybe that's what I've been fighting all this time.

I agree with your comment.

I get very overwhelmed & confused.

Voices, people, in my dreams, in my head, silent.

Imagination. I make up dreams & convince me, it's you.

I don't know the truth...I know how I feel.

I don't know what others think & feel.

I can hear sadness in you. I can hear you are having a tough time rn.

I think I might have given up.

I know what I want.

I have most of it here, already. I need to understand how to use what I have, to make the world work for me in the way I want, I need. Here is where I need help.

I have buried treasures I know. I need help 2 see. I need people who I believe...in x

Hey there @EternalFlower Just clocked out , saw your letter, and thought I'll pop in say hi, tuck you in and tell you tomorrow may just be the day, things go your way.

I feel the metaphor mate, Lots of those waves are your past, and if the ones to your bow are just as big, their are folks coming to take an oar, but you get better at rowing and meeting the storms head on too.

I have to confess , I have no idea at all what ivos and the other letters are you mention. guess they are not Gps co ordinates . Cant be good.

but I have a feeling you are already in touch with someone is enduring similar weather, and well when girls get together, its a powerful force. . . .

One day when the weather breaks, maybe you can educate me a bit what all those letters mean. . . mean time , I'll blow the candle and wish you a peaceful night. . and thanks again for your letter. tonys mb1

O h

hello friend

irl in real life

rn right now

IVO intervention order

lol laugh out loud

btw by the way

bf best friend

BFF best friends forever

YMMV your mileage may vary

Imo in my opinion

brb be right back

ty thank you

Wtf what the....

Ily I love you

Thanks @maddison @tonys @Paperdaisy

Thank you thank you 💖😊

It is funny we don't realise we use these short cuts.

I have just seen my DR. I came late as it was meant to be at four but he said he was easy with time when I arrived and gave me ten minutes to chill. Juggling. I was only a little bit late but missed my bus because I went to the pharmacy to buy discount cosmetics I'll never use. Eek.

I feel invisible much of the time, on the outside and not a participant in life. I saw a psw today...that is an extra one! Peer Support Worker.

I feel a bit icky after seeing the dr but I am ok. We talked about my young years in school.