Trying makes it worse

Thank u @maddison I do want to get better, especially i go to hospital for this and am trying

I thought it was just an established thing my Dr was saying but when I shared this with my gp yesterday he admitted it also sounded confusing to him.

I feel I might need to go back to hospital because I was discharged premately.

I know it's better to stay short stays for me but in this case it felt so scary leaving and no emphasis on planning for discharge

Like @Appleblossom said it's just a gap in the system

The app looks good @maddison thank u, downloaded it

I believe you @EternalFlower

HM & I have all but been abandoned. Both our health is suffering. There used to be aftercare & discharge planning. Now - nothing.

I don't want to alarm you, my feeling is that things are going to become worse. I am hearing concerning stories.

I hope you can get more time in hospital if that's what you feel like you need.

My heart goes out to you (& all the others, including myself) having to deal with this extra stress.

Part of the reason I offered for you to try the app. I am worried that services are not available anymore. It is so hard. I question if I did anything wrong? I get treated badly by system & all i am doing is trying to get him help.

I see the bewilderment in my hm too - as he is realising that support is no longer there for him.

If you can get access to hospital that is great. Try to think about back up plans as well.

Maybe other services that are not part of mh system. You might have local support/church/charity services that you can connect with?

We can chat & share here too. You are doing amazing!!😊❤️

@EternalFlower I have NEVER gotten the impression you do not want work on yourself or get better. One of the reasons I kept replying was that it seemed to me obvious that you were trying.

Yes that was the beach yesterday and there were lots picnic tables and playgrounds. I picked up mainly bottles and cans and tops but others had nappies ... all sorts. Some parents with littlies were impressed and very grateful that a community group was out doing a clean up.

I am a bit low and depressed cos my wrists flaring up means I cannot do a lot of music practices and probably should reduce computer time, so I have to continue using only the big muscles, like garden and stuff.

Today my son went off to yoga, visited a group of friends and is back doing his music, so that is great.

@maddison Hearing you both about ...

embarrassment stuff ... fear ... and shame can all be related.

I do not think the broke MH system ... is "just a glitch". I think it is outrageous. I can get VERY upset and heated about the inappropriate direction of funds ... to the medical model which is too bloomin expensive and NOT effective or fit for purpose. I do not want to upset you by my upset about it so I try and keep calm, but I do not want to minimise the problem. I do not believe the private system is really better, just that some people have more access to resources and they are selling specific treatment approaches as the latest and greatest, to justify the expense.

So sorry about what you and your housemate are going through. I have seen it again and again (premature discharge without adequate follow thru or sometimes bollux referrals given to me). We are going through similar here, in that I am in carer role but struggling myself, but trying to put our best feet forward. Its been a year since son in hospital.

Part of the answer is to find alternative forms of support ...

Thankyou @Appleblossom 💜 yes I have tried to put it out of my mind - I am exasperated. Your words, knowing I'm not alone - or misinterpreting what is happening is lovely relief for me.

I'm happy for you that son sounds like he is having a really good day👍

Hope your wrists improve soon.

Thankyou for picking up litter. You are wonderful💚 and helping to inspire me to do a good thing for the planet today. And not let the bad things get me down to much.

Thankyou for supporting me & @EternalFlower with your comments about feeling embarrassed. That is hard. Supporting you too.

Hi @EternalFlower

I downloaded the app today to see what it is. I was impressed. Obv. Not a solution - a very good resource, at least I thought. Things I didn't know about or would think of.

I'm going to bed. HM got silly I think because I refused to order him a 🍕. He is asleep now. Good for him. Why am I awake & trauma filled?! Oh dear. ☹️

Will see what tomorrow brings...?

Good night @EternalFlower 💜

maddison xx

@EternalFlower Hope you are alright.

If it is any consolation I struggled a lot with SI and SH in last couple of days. Sometimes it bites me on the bum as I often "accidentally" hurt myself in small ways, probably due to a vague carelessness, eg I have a bruised nail but not so bad it will be an issue. I rarely mention it apart from vague general references. Not sure if this much discussion is permitted, but for me it seems a consequence of struggling with it a great deal over a long time.

If the doctors are too focussed on the SH "symptom" and not the wider reasons why the behaviour even begins to arise they are not really helping any more. Maybe you got a few good tips on your earlier visits. Learn to trust yourself more ...

I love the beautiful way you express your feelings and thoughts @maddison I tend to be a little low in expectation or tone ... in that I do not want to make mistakes of a positivity that is toxic ... good enuff is FINE. Especially if the experiences inform our learning about the realities of living in this world ... not the world of our dreams.

Hi @Appleblossom,

I'm sorry to read that you have been feeling the way you have over the last couple of days. I have sent you an email to check in with you. If you don't mind responding when you can that would be much appreciated.

Warm regards,

FloatingFeather

Hi @Appleblossom @maddison

Sorry @Appleblossom for the struggle uve had the past few days ...

Thank U for sharing .

It sounds like a hard time.

I relate a bit re when I accidentally bruise or hit something it triggers me as I remember things from the past

Hey @maddison I went too hard on the takeout when I got discharged ....needing a pizza feels familiar and stressful !

Hope ur hm isn't stressing you out too much

I feel super sleepy 💤

I can't get up in the mornings ATM, feel scared at nights and vulnerable

Thank you for caring about my struggle @EternalFlower it says a lot about you. Not sure when you take your meds morning or night, but I used to take them at 10 and it completely wiped out my mornings so now I take them around 8.30 and it seems better. Do you make a list of meals to shop for? Are the shops easy to get to or far away?

You and @maddison are really good at talking about things and it is good for me to join in and learn to find ordinary words and just "talk"/post. I hope in that way we all share and support and learn and will get through our struggles. For me it is really rare that I vocalise about it and get support in real time, so I am very grateful about that. Mostly I have just had to hang on to myself and all my conflicting feelings til a session and then everything just falls out of me. At least now I have the forum. I called a service and an appointment with my new counsellor.

Leaving a quirky music link as distraction.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwwMou-2558

Helping us to see the forest and the trees ... and see ourselves as part of the whole.

That was so lovely @Appleblossom ur taste is impeccable !!

It is nice to see ur YouTube finds.

I'm sorry to read U have felt you have carried stuff without sharing ...so much of this stuff feels so secretive which probably isn't ideal.

I go from hating my marks on myself to honestly wandering how I could do that to myself, like not recognising that person. My dr says I was just going through a terrible time. I have for a while, felt like everything was off, like I was trying to cope but I just didn't have the manual or something.

Last night at home my smoke alarm was triggered and I couldn't get it off for ages, like ten loud minutes, I then get my neighbour shouting at me if I was ok , and I just didn't want the attention. I guess it's still memories of other negative stuff where I was embarrassed and didn't want to involve the whole neighbourhood.

I hope ur new counsellor is great , it's good to keep trying them. I've seen so many ! Usually just for a few sessions.

Hey @maddison hope ur well and thanks for caring ...

Is it diff having housemate home ? Sorry to hear there is zero support post discharge. I hear U it is inadequate and broken. At least we can say that hear and not be censored.

It is truly scary and upsetting how the system sort of pushes people away in need. I know it's hard to work in mental health , but I have most empathy for the patients.

I read somewhere how it looks bad if ur rude to reception or admin staff at ur therapists, at hospitals , etc ,. How nice ee have to be, and while I'm meant to feel empathy for the reception staff who have probably seen so much during these times, I can only remember how rude they are to us. Ivr been told I'm not remembering properly, that I'm too demanding, that their too busy to return my call, that I've called too much ....all when i have done just what they have told me to and asked for my needs !

It's no fun seeking support either. It's like we're always doing something wrong.