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Trying makes it worse

Trying makes it worse

Hi,

I'm EternalFlower and I've been feeling completely overwhelmed, sad, and pessimistic.

I've tried and been a responsible patient and person, reaching out to various services when I started feeling scarily anxious and suicidal, 2 years back..

My Dr is new, a young guy who regularly admits he's inexperienced, and aside from some good jokes, he actually does very little

I notice how easy it is to blame myself that I don't feel better, a total shame spiral, but I wander if my treatments just are bad....

I wanted to chat and hear anyone and hope I can use this space to help not feel so alone.

Thanks xxx EternalFlower

2606 replies

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In response to: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

@EternalFlower

I will look for the book on Ginsberg, but saw the convo continued. I love that book on mental health. Good on You for supporting local poets.

For me it is a bit about understanding what all the various sacred cows that others held as HOLY and what they were about. One lives this and one loves that ... lol ... and I always felt so ignorant and fell between the cracks, and felt divided. Eg the tension between rock and roll and classical etc etc. The tension between the Bible and all the other books of high or low literary merit Before the days of the internet.

Oh our conversation is coming full circle for me, or at least closing off some loops. (in a good way).

Sehnsucht means longing or yearning or desire ....

Often in many german language artsongs.

My son used to like rammstein.

Sometimes when we cannot for a range of reasons express our anger or strength, it can help to see it vicariously ... guess that is why that stuff feels soothing for you now ... kind of normalises the forbidden or distressing feelings. Some people think it intensifies them but it is interesting you used the word "soothing".

I also like the artist 'Kollwitz' @TAB @EternalFlower @maddison

https://www.kaethe-kollwitz.berlin/en/

Mother and child

This is a delightful one and she did many pictures and sculptures of women and children. She often does powerful and visceral work regarding social criticism and I love that about her. I do not know much about art, just a side interest, but it has mattered throughout my life, to make sense of the visual and other aspects.

On a brighter note:

Dance session was great. African music, and simple dances suitable for weary bods. Moved the old jalopi, sang in another language (seems to be my thing) and met some good people. A long drive but worth it. I knew the teacher from 15 years ago. Good to renew contact. Rehearsing for event.

Love you this thread is going. Even if there is pain behind it, we are sharing, being real, and bringing our full selves to the party.

Start a new art thread in your way, or join up with pre-existing threads. They helped me in the beginning as I needed something that short circuited all the verbal stuff .. picture says a 1000 words and all that.

@maddison the style of dance was very possible to do as a shy person with small subtle moves. As I have physical issues and physio is very expensive I am trying out stuff that is cheaper, just as effective and more fun.

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hi @Appleblossom Sounds no pressure and nice chance to move

Really glad u went and found it healing

It's nice to reconnect with someone, an old friend?

I find genre of horror and mystery atm really calms me, i feel ljke somehow it's usually not as bad as I expect, not as scary? Sometimes it is truly scary which is another problem!

I think true stories as well are fascinating and intriguing

Nice we have 100 pages here as @maddison noticed! Thank u everyone

@TAB @maddison @Shaz51 @hanami

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Well done re outing @Appleblossom yes I remember you mentioning Kollwitz years ago

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hello, just woke up here @TAB @Appleblossom @maddison

Feel like it's going to be a long day, a stressful one... but maybe not...

Friend gets back tomorrow or so....

Woke up to see id let my candles burn all night

My candles.., Accidental let these pretty things burn all night

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Be careful @EternalFlower Ive left oven on a few times

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Thanks @TAB gotta be more careful.

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Can be scary hey @EternalFlower

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Hi @Appleblossom I like the way she draws the mom's face....very realistic and almost looks bit frazzled in a good way, nice.

Thanks @TAB yes I am scared I keep kinda passing out at night, then having heavy, scary sleeps

Guess need to be more alert

I put some headphones today, just in time, long, loud parties happening in my area for public holiday.

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

need a routine to put candles out, well at least keep anything flammable away from them @EternalFlower

In response to: Re: Trying makes it worse

Re: Trying makes it worse

Could try a routine @TAB maybe after dinner put them out

Hope ur OK. I didn't follow cup day....did u?

How are Ur knees ?

I try using other threads here @Appleblossom but I don't understand easily which ones for what....and some are for certain times?

@hanami @tyme was wandering if u might know how the threads work

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