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TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Mar 2022, 3:27 pm AEDT

TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hi everyone

I'm new here so I'm not sure what to say. I've just been struggling lately and coming out of a bad migraine attack. While I was really sick I found myself ruminating over past events, I suppose I had too much time to think. I know I can not change what has happened, but I still hold onto it. Migraine doesn't feel as bad anymore, but I'm left with all these overwhelming feelings of sadness and feeling of loss, anger and bitterness and I'm feeling very lonely. I find it hard to reach out to people, I feel like it's hard for people to comprehend what I'm going through. The pain of being misunderstood is too much, so I can really talk to very few people. I am also afraid that people won't want to talk about it, like I've tried talking about it with my parents a long time ago in a hush-hush way but they still felt uncomfortable. I am also afraid to burden people, I don't want to be that friend who is always stuck in their chaotic mind. I mean I live alone, have to fight things alone and I'll die alone. Sometimes it feels pointless, sometimes I wonder should I just let myself drown, I am just one person, what difference could I make, surely. I'm not intensely suicidal right now, but I am at the point I've considered it but don't intend to act on it.

Maybe it's all an overreaction, I don't know. But I know if I stay here too long I'll drown and get water into my lungs.

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In response to: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Unknown userMember29 Mar 2022, 1:20 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Sure, @creative_writer each of us will have our own preferences when it comes to various services & helplines but good to hear that you’ve given some a try in the past. And acknowledging that space is what you’re saying what you want right now.

I can hear you have been actively reaching out to supports through psych & accessing a new psychiatrist. And it sounds like you have awareness by noticing those things like being distant from friends.

Oh and the topic Tuesday event was from last year - it’s an archived discussion thread with all the information & resources that were discussed with the blue knot guest we had join us.

So you can look over it whenever you feel really. I'll just link it again for ease of access.

https://saneforums.org/t5/Special-Events/Topic-Tuesday-Trauma-and-Recovery-Blue-Knot-Foundation-Tues-23rd/m-p/1008096/highlight/true#M10473

Take care

In response to: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor29 Mar 2022, 7:08 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hey @creative_writer Haven't been around for a few days - needed a break - but thinking of you 💗

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor30 Mar 2022, 10:25 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Former-Member, it is definitely very individual. And there are people, well, you just feel comfortable with. It’s perfectly human. I just hope I find another decent psychiatrist. I don’t know if I’m choosy, but finding someone I feel comfortable with is hard. I have no idea how to connect to friends, I feel pretty unimportant anyways. Everyone has their own lives, I’m not sure if they need me.

@Zoe7, all good. I hope you are doing well ❤️.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor31 Mar 2022, 9:14 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Feeling very lonely right now, I don’t know how I’ll ever feel connected again.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

tymeModerator31 Mar 2022, 9:20 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hi @creative_writer ,

I hear you. Feeling lonely and disconnected can be so challenging.

I've also had years of feeling lonely. I pretty much withdrew myself from the world as I felt safer being by myself. The loneliness was dreadful. I'd pretty much lost hope of reconnecting with society.

It took services such as SANE to help me reconnect. I felt safer writing than speaking and hence the forums were a practice ground for me to learn and re-connect.

For now, perhaps it's just about taking a day at a time.

Sitting with you,

tyme

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor31 Mar 2022, 10:14 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@tyme I also find it easier to write than talk. Never been much of a talker. I think I’m just trying to figure things out. I know people can have happy and full lives after experiencing trauma. Just need to somehow make that my reality.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor01 Apr 2022, 11:19 am AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

It’s like there is so much left unspoken but nobody to really talk to or lean on. I guess my mess is only my responsibility to resolve.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor01 Apr 2022, 7:48 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hey @creative_writer Sorry I have not been around much to support you - needed a break from everything to try to get on top of work. I am slowly getting there but still a whole bunch to do before the end of term in a couple of weeks. I suspect then I will fall in a heap as my reserves are pretty much non-existent at present. The saving grace (apart from my fur babies) is my class - they are the most adorable bunch of kids and make me smile every day.

Just wanted you to know I have been thinking of you and you are not alone in all that you are going through. 💖

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Apr 2022, 4:04 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 it’s all good, hope work goes well ❤️❤️.

I think I’m seriously lacking connections with people in my everyday life, but what do you expect when your at home most of the time? Though I feel you need to feel safe in order to have those healthy connections. Something that I need to work on. It kind of sucks how there is a bit of a gap until my next psych appointment in May. My psych did say she will try to squeeze in a Telehealth appointment this month, she’s said she will be away. I’m still waiting to hear back from the psychiatrist I got a referral for.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 Apr 2022, 5:03 pm AEDT

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

I think I give up on talking to helplines today. Reaching out to beyond blue didn’t really help.
I tried calling lifeline but the phone got disconnected while I was in the queue, and their online chat doesn’t seem to be working. I can’t be bothered to call back again or try another helpline. I don’t know if anyone can help me anyways. I think I’ve reached the end of this road.

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