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TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Mar 2022, 3:27 pm AEDT

TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hi everyone

I'm new here so I'm not sure what to say. I've just been struggling lately and coming out of a bad migraine attack. While I was really sick I found myself ruminating over past events, I suppose I had too much time to think. I know I can not change what has happened, but I still hold onto it. Migraine doesn't feel as bad anymore, but I'm left with all these overwhelming feelings of sadness and feeling of loss, anger and bitterness and I'm feeling very lonely. I find it hard to reach out to people, I feel like it's hard for people to comprehend what I'm going through. The pain of being misunderstood is too much, so I can really talk to very few people. I am also afraid that people won't want to talk about it, like I've tried talking about it with my parents a long time ago in a hush-hush way but they still felt uncomfortable. I am also afraid to burden people, I don't want to be that friend who is always stuck in their chaotic mind. I mean I live alone, have to fight things alone and I'll die alone. Sometimes it feels pointless, sometimes I wonder should I just let myself drown, I am just one person, what difference could I make, surely. I'm not intensely suicidal right now, but I am at the point I've considered it but don't intend to act on it.

Maybe it's all an overreaction, I don't know. But I know if I stay here too long I'll drown and get water into my lungs.

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In response to: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 July 2022, 11:05 am AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 I hope you find the school break restful, it’s good to have some time off to engage in small self care things 💞💞.

@Zoe7 I’m not well physically yet, but it’s not the worst it’s been. I was doing better emotionally for some time but my heart has started aching. I had to cancel something today just because I’m in the mindset of “I don’t feel safe”, even though I am. I rather be under the covers of my bed. I just don’t want to interact with people I barely know. I also feel so cut off too, I wish somebody could look at me and see how much I am struggling and just hug me.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 July 2022, 5:25 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@creative_writer I am hoping to spend some time in the garden but that will of course depend on the weather. I need to concrete in some stakes and cannot do that if it is too wet. I also need to finish painting my bathroom but that should only take a couple of days.

I hear you about the physical side of things. I need to be careful as to what I am exposed to (which is not easy teaching little kids) but our parents are pretty good at keeping their kids at home if they are unwell. We also send them home at the first sign of illness. We have had so many staff absences this term from illness and that puts extra pressure on everyone - especially when programs or non-contact time have to be postponed. But one more week to go and then a much needed break for everyone.

I understand that need to hide away - have had sooooo many periods like that myself in the past. I think the thing I have learnt is that whilst we may be disappointed to miss out on something we may have been looking forward to - sometimes it is better for us to have that time. I also hide away when I do not feel safe - although those times have diminished a lot. It is hard to explain to those that do not have those fears just how debilitating it is. Sending you a big virtual hug Hon 💕

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 July 2022, 9:52 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 gardening sounds lovely, I sure hope the weather holds up. I can imagine things would be crazy in schools with absences and all. It seems viral infections seem to be going around, it’s not only covid but the flu as well, any viral infection can leave you down for a while. You are almost there, hon 💞💞, I really do hope you do have enjoyable break.

It was a zoom meeting but wasn’t in the mood to go to a group lifeline supervision. I can go next month instead. Today has been crazy, from feeling exhausted, my voice has become heavy again and I’ve started sneezing again too, fluctuating migraine pain around my left eyebrow, intrusive revenge thoughts from all the anger I’ve been feeling today.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Zoe7Senior Contributor02 July 2022, 9:58 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Those anger feelings can affect us so much physically @creative_writer Time for a lot of self-care Hon 💗

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor03 July 2022, 2:10 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Zoe7 that’s true. I think it’s a vicious cycle. Physical illness can cause moodiness and moodiness is linked with increased pain. Self care and resting helps when you are sick ❤️

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