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TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor06 Mar 2022, 3:27 pm AEDT

TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hi everyone

I'm new here so I'm not sure what to say. I've just been struggling lately and coming out of a bad migraine attack. While I was really sick I found myself ruminating over past events, I suppose I had too much time to think. I know I can not change what has happened, but I still hold onto it. Migraine doesn't feel as bad anymore, but I'm left with all these overwhelming feelings of sadness and feeling of loss, anger and bitterness and I'm feeling very lonely. I find it hard to reach out to people, I feel like it's hard for people to comprehend what I'm going through. The pain of being misunderstood is too much, so I can really talk to very few people. I am also afraid that people won't want to talk about it, like I've tried talking about it with my parents a long time ago in a hush-hush way but they still felt uncomfortable. I am also afraid to burden people, I don't want to be that friend who is always stuck in their chaotic mind. I mean I live alone, have to fight things alone and I'll die alone. Sometimes it feels pointless, sometimes I wonder should I just let myself drown, I am just one person, what difference could I make, surely. I'm not intensely suicidal right now, but I am at the point I've considered it but don't intend to act on it.

Maybe it's all an overreaction, I don't know. But I know if I stay here too long I'll drown and get water into my lungs.

245 replies

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In response to: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor29 Apr 2022, 4:16 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Former-Member ❤️. I just took a shower, was relaxed that forgot about things for a while. I’m doing better, but trauma is trauma at the end of the day, it taking a while to really heal from SA. I can imagine therapy helping me heal, but at this point it feels impossible to get to a stage when it doesn’t hurt anymore.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Unknown userMember29 Apr 2022, 4:27 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

I'm not sure it ever stops hurting, as you've eluded to 💜

What can happen though is that the pain is less intense and/or is felt less frequently. It's kind of like grief in a way, now that I think about it...one day you're deep in the depths and it feels like it won't ever end, and then at some point along that road you lift your head and realise you haven't felt it in the same way for a long time, and that my friend is recovery 😊

It isn't linear, and it is not easy, but it does get better. I say this as someone who is sitting on the other side of where you are and I too felt like there wouldn't be a time that it didn't cripple me. Yet here I am today, writing this to you with a gentle smile and a warmth in my heart because I know with the right support this won't weigh you down forever.

Rhye ☘️

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor29 Apr 2022, 5:19 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@Former-Member I think this is grief in a sense. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of self. I feel like I’ve lost my sense of safety in the world. I know some of the emotions I’m feeling don’t really have a logical basis but I still feel them like shame.

I’ve been drifting in and out of assignments for the past hour or so. Feel so distracted. I feel so lost, sad, fearful and lonely.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

tymeModerator29 Apr 2022, 8:04 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

How are things for you at the moment @creative_writer ?

All the best with your assignments. Then again, if you're body and brain is telling you you need a break, perhaps that's the way to go?

Sitting with you,

tyme

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor29 Apr 2022, 9:01 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@tyme feeling anxious and sleepy here. I’ve taken my medication and will try to get some sleep.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor02 May 2022, 9:50 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Slowly sinks into the ocean……

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor03 May 2022, 5:50 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

I feel so lonely….just floating into space.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor03 May 2022, 6:49 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Having an existential crisis. Things feel so meaningless and hopeless. So much wasted effort and time. I mean at the end of the day we all have to leave, alone. Honestly I think I’ll have to SH so I don’t do anything worse.

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

cloudcoreSenior Contributor03 May 2022, 6:56 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

Hi @creative_writer ,

I can hear things are really difficult at the moment, and you're looking to SH to cope with those feelings of hopelessness.

If you're feeling unsafe, we would really encourage you to reach out to crisis supports tonight like Lifeline on 13 11 14 or emergency services. I will check in with you via email as well.

Here with you,

cloudcore

In response to: Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

creative_writerSenior Contributor03 May 2022, 7:22 pm AEST

Re: TW: it feels like I'm drowning

@cloudcore I’ve responded to your email. I think I’m just very exhausted from today, didn’t sleep well. I experience depersonalisation and derealisation a lot when emotions get hard to manage, and feeling so disconnected can make me feel so lost.

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