Just don't know how to save myself.

Believe me I work on a shoestring. @Historylover but I am no longer as poor as I was, so now it is not depressing or worrying, just a matter of personal pride ... and my personal style ... not to waste ... get only quality ... not give the bad people more money... they are rich enuff.

In spite of Covid Melbourne can be a great city.

It's amazing how resourceful living on a shoestring can make us,@Appleblossom. And it makes 'treats' just that – not daily expectations. I concur with all you say.

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@Historylover wrote:

How do I trust people when there has never been anyone in my life I could trust? How badly burned do we need to be before we put up inpenetrable walls to prevent more. I am at a complete loss and it's becoming impossible to put one foot after the other.

If I sink so low I am hospitalized, my family will simply be able to say 'told you she was crazy', and no-one would ever look into my background (and theirs) to discover why I am dealing with such despair, disillusionment and everything else which comes with the destruction of our personality, hopes, dreams and happiness. My detractors are the cause and no-one wants to hear that, to understand that.

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Damn, that rings so true, @Historylover .

Why is it that we live in a world where we can put a man on the moon; where we can compress a supercomputer into a device that easily fits in your pocket; where we can completely autopsy an egyptian mummy without ever unwrapping the bandages... and yet we fail so miserably to unite the wayward and lonely with their true families.

We clearly have the ingenuity to tackle such an immense task. Why are we not even trying?

Sending Best Wishes in lieu of any helpful answers. 😔🤗

It is certainly true that we humans have accomplished the ability to do so much, yet so much still to do @chibam

I wish I had the words of wisdom to share.

I really acknowledge the place you are in @Historylover
You mentioned that some people might refer you to being ‘crazy’ if hospitalised, for what it's worth, I do not think the same.

I too have experienced feelings of distrust and conflicting states of wanting to try yet not feeling I can - at various times. I found it not an easy place to be in, nor a one road pathway. I hold hope that things can improve for you.

I can also hear that your attempts at explaining your despair has been met with lack of understanding & disillusionment.

I hear you.

I hear your experience & situation.

Are there any small steps, even micro steps, that might help you feel like you had more choices around this situation?

Hi @Historylover

Just wanted to say that you are never locked out of the game even though it can see like it at times. The fact that you are here on this forum is evidence of that. There are people around and they are listening and some are responding as best they can and we are all only humans who mostly and most of the time are just trying to do the best we can.

Also, something I learnt a long time ago but keep forgetting is that feelings are not facts.

Regards

Willy

In answer to your question @chibam, the cynic within me says that society is divided into two groups – those who are allowed to get ahead and those who aren't. I'm in the latter group and the other group are ensuring I'm kept here. They get to enjoy life. I don't.

Sorry for the cynicism but it's entrenched here now.

I hope you are plodding along and doing alright. Sending best wishes.

I know I'm not crazy, @Former-Member. That's just the only place they haven't taken me after destroying my life for their own pleasure, enrichment and greater comfort.

No, no microsteps. Just more of the same.

Thanks for your input. Cheers.

Thanks for your input @Willy. I know people are listening. Here, everyone listens and if they feel they can contribute anything supportive to another's difficult situation, they do so. Outside of here, everyone is just looking after their own interests. My loss at any level – health, family, financial etc. is another's gain. The theme to my entire life. Now my life has devolved to the point that access to my money is all that is left to taken from me.

How I wish there was even a glimmer of hope, but there isn't. All just keep going out more and more quickly.

I can't be cheerful. I have no cheer left. Sending best wishes.

Hi @Historylover

You seem to have already decided that everything is utterly hopeless so what happens if you just completely accept that everything is utterly hopeless and instead of trying to avoid the feeling, idea or both and desperately wanting to push it away or avoid it or do something about it like most of us try and do, you just step right into it and allow yourself to be OK with this utter hopelessness.

I wonder what would happen?

Regards

Willy

Hi there @Historylover and @Willy,

@Historylover, it sounds like such an isolating experience for you outside of the forums, I can only imagine how tough that'd be. I'm glad that the forums can be a place where you feel supported and heard.

And @Willy, I'm hearing how you're offering that an acceptance of circumstances can be supportive for some people. I think it'd be interesting to hear about how this experience has been helpful for you, if you're open to sharing?