I am the mother of a 19-year-old daughter who has recently reconnected with me after three years of total estrangement.
I left a situation of family and domestic violence when she was 18 months old. At that time, I had no visa, no status, and no support. I worked through
everything on my own to raise her, providing structure, stability, and care
while working nonstop to give her the
best possible life. All thses professionals failed me who didnt register her Autism.
My daughter was always challenging,
and I believed she had inherited her father’s personality. Her father lived
overseas for much of her childhood but continued to harass me—ensuring I lost jobs, damaging my car, and taking me to court overseas. He openly stated he would not pay child support. He remarried and returned when she was 13, then took me back to court seeking contact with her.
After that, everything changed. My daughter began using drugs, stopped attending school, and started running away. She had her first hospital admissions and made allegations of abuse against me so she could go into care. Her father won by destroying her because he was giving her money which she was using to buy drugs.
Since then, the situation has been traumatic. CPFS, his lawyers blamed me for every incident as I was the problem, even when I had done everything to protect her. Seh did some some serious harm with months of hospitalisation.When she was in care, her substance use and violence worsened, yet the responsibility was constantly placed on me. I eventually had to pull away for my own safety and sanity.
She cut off all contact for three years after I stopped providing money and access to my home. During that time, she was reportedly stabbed by workers appointed by CPFS, sexually abused while in care, and spent much of her time homeless, staying with drug dealers. CPFS often did not know her whereabouts.
Recently, she has reconnected with me. She says she is not using drugs now and that she has been clean for several months. However, her mental state is worse to how it was six years ago. Seh has developed psychosis.She has attached herself to me again and is living at my home. It is a very draining relationship where There is no exchange. She either dpends hours cooking very restrictive vegan melas or will refuse to eat and drink for days.When she eats she blames me for feeding through her.
She has accommodation through a youth service, but they do not promote engagement or provide support, even when she is suicidal or psychotic, because she does not disclose her symptoms to them.
She has a history of severe eating disorder developed through multiple hospital admissions, ADHD, Conduct disorder, polysubstance use disorder, and suspected autism (assessment still pending). She also experiences paranoid and delusional beliefs — she always says that I am not real or that I am an alien entity.
I’ve tried to get her help. Her GP referred her to a mental health team, but I don’t even know who to contact to follow up on the referral. She refuses treatment and doesn’t believe she is unwell.
I am completely overwhelmed. I have my own complex trauma and mental health history, and the way I’ve been treated by services over the years has destroyed my ability to trust the system. When she becomes aggressive, my body and mind go into severe shock. I can’t relax, can’t stop worrying about her, and don’t see any clear way forward.
She needs help urgently, but everything is voluntary, and she refuses to engage. I don’t know what to do or where to start.
