The everlasting lifemare

I resonated with your comment of "swollen brain". I have felt like that since my mid 20s. I dont think of it as a swollen ego, but at the more basic physiological level of laying down more and more neural pathways in the struggle to meet life's challenges and therefore an actual physical swelling of tissue within the confines of the skull.

I feel you need to be very gentle with your self @Redraw .. maybe I am wrong ... maybe an energetic release would help ... either way .. take care

Thank you to those that read and reply to my posts sadly my posts will likely continue in the same vein for the foreseeable future sorry bout that.

Don't be sorry @Redraw, we are all here for you.

Hope you are taking care of yourself today,

Lunar

Everything and illusion surrounded by lies and falsehoods. I see so much...................to much, my blinders work but only until my caring gets thrown in my face then it all floods in every lie I ignored every betrayal unseen, I can see beyond what a person shows. I can't hurt, get angry or hate, I give all I can I always have I don't know what I have done to deserve this suffering I don't know why nobody could give a F*** about me perhaps I am some vindictive deities experiment in how much pain, sadness, loneliness, exploitation and suffering a human can endure before it becomes to much, I sit in the corner trying to cry but nothing comes, I want someone anyone to reach out and just touch my skin, even a punch a slap a kick would mean that I am worth something even if that something is hate.

i am so tired in every way every day I feel weaker and weaker every day I lose what little slivers of hope remain. The world is a loss predators rule no matter the PC propaganda, violent, aggressive, arrogant, and greedy is what I should be based on the standard human condition, and I fail in all those areas so I struggle to hold on.

To be a monster a freak looked on with disgust and abhorrence laughed at humiliated to have everything torn from me, to be nothing and now scared of everything, what is left. No hope left,

I agree with @utopia. But still remember the beauty in some of your thoughts.

I have had the freak/monster feeling about myself. Not an easy thought to ditch.

I actually have similar politics to you .. so agree completely on that score.

Prefer you to be you than put on a happy mask.

My life goes up & down like a yoyo .. but there is actually some stability and consistency in that ... its only a small yoyo .. in the broader scheme of things.

Maya .. is the buddhist concept of illusion in the world.

I hope you find a noble path in the stream of dhamma.

Apple