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How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor11 Feb 2022, 12:06 pm AEDT

How do I negotiate this?

Hi team,

I've joined this forum as I really need help getting through 'this'

My husband has displayed signs of depression/mental health issues for a while and I have been pushing for him to get help but he's never done it..

It all came to a head a few weeks ago when it became apparent that he was delusional.. he'd shown signs of being confused/misinterpreting insignificant things over the years but this went above and beyond.

He asked to chat with a good friend of mine and launched into a plan about how they can be together.. that she should leave her husband, and he me (and our 16yo) and that they'd need to do it carefully because of the kids etc but he thinks it'd be amazing.. In his mind it was 100% a done deal.. She has seen him maybe three times in two years - there is no basis to his thoughts. She was amazing enough to see that he was unwell and told me about it.

I'm just so tired... angry, devastated, wanting to support him, angry it's taken this long for him to want to get help, embarrassed that he's dragged so many others in (she was staying with other friends when he spoke with her), understanding that it's not a rational brain that took so long to want help or dragged others in.. lost with how to navigate my feelings on it, lost with navigating the friendship group that he's blown up, I had to tell him (twice now) that he is no longer invited to her 40th next week and he seems agitated about that, he'd assumed he wouldn't go but was shocked that the decision was made for him.. I am drinking too much as a result.. which is not healthy.

He's started on medication and seeing a psychologist; today is his second session - week one was just an intro to the psych and how it works. He's doing all the 'right' things and I am glad of that but still so, so tired and angry and hurt.

Hoping you guys may have some tips on navigating the 'support' role without losing my mind.

Thanks.

(Edit - we have 'things' coming up each weekend til mid April, with various friends - camping, gigs etc and it seems hard to believe things will be so normal.. can it be?)

22 replies

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In response to: How do I negotiate this?

Unknown userMember14 Feb 2022, 12:18 pm AEDT

Re: CPTSD and it’s effect

Hi @Lucycannon,

I’m really sorry to hear of those experiences during 2020 which you have opened up about here on the forums. It sounds like a really challenging time for you at the moment. 

You did mention some things that have had some big impacts on you and wondered whether you have supports around you to help you through this time period?

Did you know that the SANE help centre offers free phone counselling (available 10am-10pm) if that might be something of use to you at this time?

Otherwise I just wanted to also offer you some other services that are available to you in case you need someone to chat with and provide more individualised support for you.

Mensline: PH 1300 789 978
1800 Respect (DV related service): PH 1800 737 732  

Blueknot (Complex trauma service): PH 1300 657 380

I will also send you an email just to check in on you.
Take care

@Former-Member

In response to: Re: CPTSD and it’s effect

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor19 Feb 2022, 2:58 pm AEDT

Re: CPTSD and it’s effect

I hear you @Lucycannon ……

“my” x made such a mess of what was our life that if I avoid everything he has tainted I will be living in a shoebox, and that leaves our kids fully open to his crap too, so I am steadily reclaiming what I want out of the rubble. I am rescripting / repurposing (ie what were special his n hers towels are now in the family swimming towels collection and will eventually become paint clean-up rags, his aftershave spray is now my toilet air freshener until it runs out). Other things I am just throwing or giving away. It’s diluting the effect, slowly but surely.

Forum tip:

Tap on the @ symbol and a list of recent users of this thread drops into the screen. Select the person you want to address (more than one if you like) and they receive a origination with link to the post you “tagged” them from.

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