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How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor11 Feb 2022, 12:06 pm AEDT

How do I negotiate this?

Hi team,

I've joined this forum as I really need help getting through 'this'

My husband has displayed signs of depression/mental health issues for a while and I have been pushing for him to get help but he's never done it..

It all came to a head a few weeks ago when it became apparent that he was delusional.. he'd shown signs of being confused/misinterpreting insignificant things over the years but this went above and beyond.

He asked to chat with a good friend of mine and launched into a plan about how they can be together.. that she should leave her husband, and he me (and our 16yo) and that they'd need to do it carefully because of the kids etc but he thinks it'd be amazing.. In his mind it was 100% a done deal.. She has seen him maybe three times in two years - there is no basis to his thoughts. She was amazing enough to see that he was unwell and told me about it.

I'm just so tired... angry, devastated, wanting to support him, angry it's taken this long for him to want to get help, embarrassed that he's dragged so many others in (she was staying with other friends when he spoke with her), understanding that it's not a rational brain that took so long to want help or dragged others in.. lost with how to navigate my feelings on it, lost with navigating the friendship group that he's blown up, I had to tell him (twice now) that he is no longer invited to her 40th next week and he seems agitated about that, he'd assumed he wouldn't go but was shocked that the decision was made for him.. I am drinking too much as a result.. which is not healthy.

He's started on medication and seeing a psychologist; today is his second session - week one was just an intro to the psych and how it works. He's doing all the 'right' things and I am glad of that but still so, so tired and angry and hurt.

Hoping you guys may have some tips on navigating the 'support' role without losing my mind.

Thanks.

(Edit - we have 'things' coming up each weekend til mid April, with various friends - camping, gigs etc and it seems hard to believe things will be so normal.. can it be?)

22 replies

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In response to: How do I negotiate this?

Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor14 Feb 2022, 2:00 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through @MJH . My ex-husband became delusional, and it was really scary, but not evident to anyone else in the way it was displayed to me. He had hidden addictions, and they were pretty delusional too, but along lines that are socially acceptable, even admired within our society, but like with many illnesses of this nature, most of it was like an iceberg - the bigger picture was out of view.

While it didn’t work out for him and me (huge story of betrayal and ongoing legal dramas) the fact that your hubby is seeing a psychologist and your friends are standing by you means that you have the structural framework for this to come together again. There may be corrective medication and education about his condition required for your husband, and you as his nearest and dearest, and that won’t be a bed of roses, but we are here to walk along with you through the process.

Take courage and take care.

🌷F&H

In response to: How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 8:09 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

Thank you Rhye. Appreciate your informative reply.

In response to: How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 8:09 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

Thanks Eve.

In response to: How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 8:12 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

Thanks Carer101. My friend is 100% supportive of him getting better but they're not comfortable to be a part of it, yet. He and I spoke on Friday night and he's happy for me to go and happy to explain why he isn't there if needed. I'm still pondering..

In response to: How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 8:14 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

Thank you for those thoughts.. its v interesting thinking hey?

In response to: How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 8:17 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

Thanks Lucy. I'm actually doing all the right things in that I tell him when I'm struggling and he's still here and we're still a unit. Just dealing with the turmoil in my head is the hardest part right now.

In response to: How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 8:17 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

Thank you 🙂

In response to: How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 8:23 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

Thank you so much for all your replies and thoughts.

It's definitely not an easy time.

After I posted here on Friday we had a frank and open discussion and he sees where I'm at. And he's really trying hard to fix things.. I think this as good as I can hope for right now. We'll work on it from here..

In response to: Re: How do I negotiate this?

MJHCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 8:25 am AEDT

Re: How do I negotiate this?

Thank you ❤️

In response to: How do I negotiate this?

LucycannonCasual Contributor14 Feb 2022, 12:15 pm AEDT

Re: CPTSD and it’s effect

Thanks Faith,

I am just going through the weakness of depression, The in-laws have been working against me in the community. I need to completely re frame my existence first. My wife doesn't know what her priorities are shes mixed up in the metoo frame of mind and cant see how her attitude has been destroying her relationship over a long period of time. She adopts the sheer anger and hate that her father and mother live by. You should see their faces, they are all wrinkled and red, with the sociopathic stare, its scary they come up in nightmares still. I have been trying to re-integrate and have had setbacks due to depression with adjustment disorder. I left to make it stop and cant come back. I am too triggered by the area.

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