Struggling

Thanks to you all, my wonderful forum friends for your kind words and for sitting with me 💞

@Eve7

@Shaz51

@Jynx

@Bow

Hello @RedHorse

Peace and light.

I've been out most of the day. Mixed emotions. A celebration and a lost opportunity for reconciliation.

I'm glad you got to town. There are supermarket shortages here too, but living in the city I can keep trying. It would be harder for you when you can't go every week.

I'm sorry your depression continues. Sometimes weeping is cathartic and eases the pain for a little while.

I've been investing effort in a Victorian state government sponsored health intervention. I walk every day and have modified my diet, and the most noticeable change so far is that my mood has lifted.

Best wishes for a better day tomorrow. I hope the weather is good enough for you to enjoy getting outside.

@RedHorse i understand . My posts are always negative I get embarrassed about them. I’m finding it really hard to find any joy in life. I see my shrink and I know she can’t do anything . Take care

Hey @perspective ,

There's no need to feel embarrassed. If your posts are within guidelines, they are acceptable. If anything, when you don't post, we wonder what has happened.

Then again, some people don't post for a while because their life it going very well!

Whatever it is, we love hearing from you - the ups and downs. It helps us ride it out together.

tyme

I just don't know what to do with myself, which is a ridiculous thing to say when everywhere I look there is something that requires my attention.

The anxiety over my pathological laziness and procrastination is making me physically ill.

I'm feeling depressed and exhausted. When I awake is the very worst moment of the day and I roll over under the leaden blanket and cry.

My weekly achievement has been to get out of bed and dressed each day, usually a little after noon. This always takes several tries and today it is all I did.

I got up, got dressed and moved to the couch of the caravan I live in where I type this. Some days I don't pick up my phone at all. I'm losing my sense of agency which terrifies me.

I'm not looking after myself, I feel completely hopeless and am simply surviving minute by minute.

I won't tag anyone and wonder if I should even post this whinge fest... Probably not

Hello @RedHorse .

Sitting with you.

Please don't beat yourself up.

Are your mental health team aware of how low you've been feeling? I'm sure they wouldn't dismiss severe and crippling depression as laziness and procrastination, and might reconsider your treatment plan if they knew. I think you should give them that chance.

You deserve recognition and respect for battling through the isolation and ongoing extreme weather, and making a home and garden for yourself. That takes inner strength. Do you ever take photos? Someone I know once gave herself the challenge of taking a photo every day... a sort of spiritual exercise I guess... a focus.

You might not see this for a few days but best wishes, I hope you have a better week.

Dimity

@RedHorse

I feel reasonable at the moment. Went to the shrink today she is quite nice . I finally went back to the dog park after getting stinky looks from a woman . She was there today and she was quite nice. I’ve stayed away for ages I know my problem is people seems to be getting worse as I age. I don’t fight those feelings I just indulge them. Something you said rang true for me. I really like night time but I really do miss those days when I was young when waking up was exciting. I like lying there and I find the sheets comforting.

I must say you express yourself quite well @RedHorse its a shame that along with the depression we usually have pretty good minds. That’s the shame about the mental health system good minds not used

Hello @Dimity and @perspective

I've been away for a while now, have managed to get up the motivation to check my phone and saw messages from each of you.

Thankyou @Dimity for your thoughtful and encouraging reply.

@perspectiveI hope you are still feeling reasonable and am glad you got back to the dog park (as I'm sure your dog is).

So my brother and sister in law came out for a visit and didn't seem that shocked at the way I live. All that stress and anxiety leading up to it and they were actually very supportive about my situation. It was really good to see them after several years. The driveway put their 4X4 to the test but they made it in one piece, albeit a muddy one.

They raised the fact that I have not been to see my beloved daughter in WA for way too long and energised me into making plans with her to visit. Although happy and excited to see her again, I am absolutely terrified about the process of getting there... I mean I struggle to get out of bed each day so how am I going to pull this trip together??? I don't think that I can do it yet I must. I want it very much but am feeling overwhelmed and afraid of failing. At worst I'll turn up with a bag of toiletries I guess. I'm trying to focus on the what and not the how.

Well that's news from me. I hope you are both doing okay at the moment.

Take care,

RedHorse 🌹 🐴

Hi there @RedHorse

hopefully you can get some help from your brother

They do have volunteers who drive people places if your in need of transport

Thanks @perspective, my brother is headed back to SA but does offer me emotional support and encouragement.

It's more the where and how do I start on the practical aspect that has me flummoxed. I only have old clothes and don't know what to pack. I have to dig out my bag first. I need a haircut and to buy several items but struggle to get into town. Little things like getting out of bed and dressed are huge achievements for me atm so I'm panicking about the whole process.

I will be fine, I am just feeling overwhelmed by the details and needed to share.

Take care,

RedHorse 🌹🐴