Struggling

This afternoon, following a supreme effort, I got out of bed and dressed.

I didn't wash my face or brush my hair, I just lay on the couch and stressed about all the things I should have been doing.

Such an unpleasant and unproductive way to spend the day.

I hope to do better tomorrow...

RedHorse 🌹🐴

Would could should, it can hurt. Sorry you're hurting @RedHorse . Sometimes I write a list to externalise the pressure. Yesterday I wrote 6 priorities. Today I managed 3, shopping and a walk and a bit of decluttering. The lighting safety switch tripped tonight and my torch batteries were flat so new batteries go on the next shopping list. I know I'm avoiding thinking about bigger issues.

You got up got dressed and faced the day. Tomorrow is another day. You can do this.

By the way, your vegie patch sounds awesome.

Haven’t posted few days haven’t slept for 3 days. Antibiotics and prednisone have screwed up my sleep. Tonight I’m going to give in and take a sleeping pill. Chest infection is much better tho I will get an MRI in the next couple of weeks just to be on the safe side. Feel pretty shit I’m sure if I didn’t have this crappy mental illness life would be so much easier. Not sleeping is CRAP.
hope everyone here is doing reasonably

hugs @perspective , hope you slept ok last night my friend and is feeling better

@RedHorsehow are you going today , sitting with you

Hugs @Dimity

Hi @Dimity and thanks for your reply.

Today is another day and while I managed to get up, dressed and outside to the garden in between rain showers I'm currently stuck inside feeling a bit empty and anxious, but nothing too serious.

Thanks for sitting with me @Shaz51

I think you have class today @Dimity and hope you enjoy it and the outing.

Glad to hear you are on the road to recovery @perspective , albeit a long and winding one. I hope you got some sleep last night and more tonight.

Take care All,
RedHorse 🌹🐴

Thanks redhorse had a massive sleep today I feel quietly lazy but mood is good. Decided to take a long shower and wash my long hair. It’s a big project at my age so it’s not an everyday happening. I’m going to take my dog to training tonight so he can have a run around with other dogs. I get a lot of pleasure watching him play. I’m thinking of changing my meds as my shrink has suggested it. I really am over insomnia . Thanks for reading my stuff and like you I think getting pleasure out of small stuff when your struggling is the key

Today I went into town for a medical appointment and did a massive grocery shop in case I get stuck here again with the lessening but still occuring rain.

Now that I'm back and kind of unpacked, I feel less than good, which is surprising to me given that the outing was a big achievement.

I should be celebrating what I did achieve instead of ruminating on what I didn't.

I know this and yet I still feel deeply unhappy and a bit hopeless...

Just posting as a way to deal with uncomfortable feelings/ anxiety.

I hope anyone reading this is doing okay today.

Take care,
RedHorse 🌹🐴

It sounds as though yesterday was a better day for both of you @perspective @RedHorse . Ì was exhausted and had an early night. Glad you stocked up today @RedHorse you can't risk being bogged again. It's good you took advantage of being in town. I do a small shop twice a week.

Today I've done some chores but haven't had the energy to do more. I should go and look for the cat, it's past curfew. Take care

Dimity

I hate making phone calls at the best of times and have been psyching myself up all day to make an appointment in town for next week.

When I finally got around to calling it rang out half a dozen times... Feeling pretty stupid and in need of some comfort - self soothing in progress.

I will try again tomorrow or rather Monday, but the stress is palpable - I feel physically sick knowing this is something I still have to do.

Sometimes I just want to disappear.

Note: the irony of getting tied up in knots about something so minor is not lost on me.

I'm fully aware that some people have real problems to deal with, be it mental health struggles, recovery from natural disasters or the threat of war.

Posting here simply to help me process my feelings.

RedHorse 🌹🐴

Oh yes @RedHorse ! I've had that feeling too! I HATE making phone calls.

I used to sit there rehearsing what I was going to say over and over again, even if it was to just purchase something over the phone.

Over time, I seemed to have moved past that phase. Instead of sitting and thinking, I make the phone call without thinking! Usually it goes ok I guess. But I found the more I sweated over the call, the worst the outcome - I ended up saying everything wrong- as in it came out wrong!

Come to think of it, it wasn't only phone calls. I was for Dr appointments, psych appointments, meetings....anything. I'd predict the worst....

So I'm glad you at least gave it a try today @RedHorse ! Well done - that's an achievement in itself. And I'm happy to hear you find the forums a safe space to help process your thoughts.

Take care my friend,

tyme