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Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I was raped a little over 20 years ago now. It was by someone I knew and trusted and it occurred in my own home. I was physically injured, concussed, ashamed, afraid, embarrassed - all the usual things.

I never reported it to the authorities and never spoke to anyone about it. I had never been a particularly social person, but afterwards I isolated myself completely other than heading off to work dutifully each day.

After 18 years of almost constant battles with anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, etc, I finally sought help from a psychologist. Initially it was for pain management as I suffered a severe back injury about 2 years after the rape. So after almost 2 years of occasional appointments I finally told her during a particularly difficult time (anniversary) what had happened all those years ago.

So early last year I was officially diagnosed with PTSD. On my clinical psychologists advice I have undergone a series of Exposure Therapy and CBT last year. It was a long, arduous and extremely difficult process. However, it did help to some degree.

However the nightmares, anxiety symptoms, etc continued. This was probably made worse as last year was an extremely difficult one for me all round. My little 11yo niece was killed in a car accident, my brother seriously and permanently injured, I was retrenched from my job when the business was sold, and I found out that my husband was cheating on me again. So I guess none of that helped.

And then on 29th February this year it was the 20th anniversary of my trauma. It seemed to hit me even harder than usual, I dont know why. There just seemed to be triggering events around every corner, it was awful. I struggled very badly.

My psychologist decided to try EMDR treatment once things settled down a bit. She felt it would help with the emotional content of my traumatic memories. So between April and early September this year, I have undergone 10 2xhour EMDR sessions. I am now on a break to see how things are now.

But in the meantime she wants me to talk to people about what happened, as it is an important part of the recovery process she says. However I find this really hard as I do not have any friends (my hubby is a narsissist according to my psychologist). I have become very isolated other than for my part-time work which I was lucky enough to find in January. I do some volunteer work in the aged care industry, which I enjoy. But I just do not have any friends I am able to talk to. My family live a long way away, and I could never tell them anyway.

Although I am still unable to verbally speak about the rape, I can now write about it, and even think about it to some extent, without bringing on a panic attack. So that's progress. I hope that by discussing it further and by learning how other people cope with their PTSD symptoms, I can further desensitise myself from my traumatic memories.

Hence my decision to try an online forum. I look forward to responses from other people who have had similar experiences to myself. I am definitely more of a listener than a talker, so I hope that I may be able to be of assistance to others here as well.

Thankyou for taking the time to read my story.

2344 replies

1,341 - 1,350 of 2,344

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Sending you hugs love @Former-Member. You're in an awful situation and it's not your fault. Seeing you, hearing you, feeling with you and thinking of you.

🙁❤❤

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

@Former-Member ❤

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Former-Member sending you peace and harmony for today. As with others here there is soooo much I could say. About the cycle of abuse, about grooming, about gaslighting. I too have been through it all. The 'buy back' and 'honeymoon' periods are in no way compensation for the 'build up' and 'explosion' phases of the cycle. I did a course on recovering from abuse 2 years ago and it has helped enormously. You shouldn't have to live with an escape plan, or leave your home for safety. And I stress that it is never your fault. We cannot love them into changing. Being abused for something like seeing your doctor is just not ok.

I strongly agree with what @CheerBear @Maggie @Appleblossom @Starta @Molliex @Zoe7 @BlueBay @Shaz51 @outlander have said. We care and are concerned for you.

Your sensitivity (and subsequent anxiety and fear) are not things to be punished for, and warranted in the situation. Really strongly wishing that you can see the red flags and get out before things come to a head.

There's so much more I could say here .....

I stress ... it's not your fault, you don't deserve it, and you have a right to live in peace and safety. Take good care my friend xx

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Well said @eth

totally agree

thinking if you my friend @Former-Member

sending you big hugs and love ❤️🤗

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Hi @Former-Member

Please don't worry that you had to go to ground after your husband was so angry at you for no reason other than you were late - hey - I guess he knew you were seeing your GP and afraid you might tell him about the bruises - after all

There is no reason a man should put his hands on a woman in anger - men are usually bigger and stronger and it is terrifying to be in such a situation

Yes - your husband does have a lot to contend with and life is easier for him with you to care for many of his requirements but he does drink and this causes him to be unreasonably angry and your being sensitive and afraid fuels this fire as well

I have heard about the "honey-moon" period and the kindness and consideration shown after one of these rages - it tends to help you feel as if you are safe - that this is all over now - until the next time

You do need to find ways to protect yourself - maybe go back and talk to your doctor again - he already knows how you got those bruises and perhaps the scars as well - GPs see this all the time and they know - just as the police do

So you do need to look for some avenues out from where you are now for you to be safe - whatever your husband's situation you need to protect yourself

I don't know where to start looking but your GP will - my suggestion is to go back to him and book a long appointment during the day - open up and tell him - there is no need for you to live feeling shame for something you aren't doing -

We all care about you - just reading all the messages here convince me of that - you are a kind and supportive person and you deserve better than what you are getting atm

Lots of hugs

Dec

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Dear @Former-Member ,

this is terrible and so worrying. As the others have said, your husbands reaction is NOT YOUR FAULT. He alone is responsible for actions. Being ill is not an excuse for being abusive. This has been going on a lot longer than his illness.

i am so concerned for your safety.

You deserve to feel peace and some happiness and to live in a safe environment. We are all here for you and thinking of you.

Dont feel you have to post unless you feel able and wanting to do so. But know that you are supported as best we can.

Peri

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Spending years with one person, we build a lot and so much of our lives are intertwined.

@Former-Member

Sorry about your trees. I lost an eremophila one summer. It looked terrific and then boom, it was gone and I could not stop it.

In response to: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

I had a bad experience too @Former-Member and I was Beyond it, until I was Blue in the face, but I know how it can really peeve you off. I still have not received an apology. The only thing I was guilty of was having a public breakdown. Some people seem to guard their own privacy like a pack of wolves but have total disregard for anyone else's. But my PhD in Psychology from the University of Life helped me through and I am sure that your Doctorate in Human Suffering does the same. Just stay away from that website, block it on your router so you aren't triggered.

Corny

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Beautifully said @Corny 😀 I totally got it. And yeah .. not been anywhere near there in well over 12 months. No desire to, knowing them as well as I do and having as many bad experiences there as I have had. Wish it were different, but its unlikely to change while current personnel are there. I would not hang out for any apology if I were you. They never admit to wrongdoing, no matter how wrong they are. Such a shame, as so many beautiful people there, whom I care a lot about.

I read that you are doing well being home from the honeymoon suite. Good for you!

Everyone else .. @Molliex @Zoe7 @Starta @Appleblossom @Maggie @CheerBear @outlander @eth @BlueBay @Owlunar @Peri Thanks so much for your posts and support. I sometimes feel unworthy of your support, because I keep going back for more. Some of you have managed to leave similar situations, and I admire your strength. I guess I am just not strong enough to leave, or too damned stupid to do so. Thanks everyone for not judging me and for continuing to stick with me.

Maggie its interesting what your psych said to you .. mine said very similar to me some time back.

Thanks so much @Peri I dont see you often, but I love to hear from you whenever you are up to posting.

@Starta I know much of my situation is likely to be very triggering for you, so I appreciate your support all the more for that. I have a feeling you may be visiting, or about to visit, your son and dil. I feel sure your presence and support for them all will be a godsend to them during such a sad time. Im sure also that your grandchildren will love having their nanna there.

@Zoe7 really sorry I have not yet responded to your last couple of posts on the FandA thread. I have read them, but there is a lot there. And when I go to respond, my jumbled up thoughts keep failing me, and I cant seem to concentrate long enough to answer with any measure of sense. I will get there soon I hope.

Its been a difficult few days. And to top it off, I have been unable to reach my psych, despite a couple of attempts to do so. Its left me feeling very alone, isolated and abandoned. She has always told me to contact her any time, and she always responds. This time she hasnt.

Sherry 😀

In response to: Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

Re: Living with PTSD (Potentially Triggering Material)

No need to respond on F and A @Former-Member - you have enough of your own stuff to deal with right now and the focus needs to be on you and your safety.

You say you don't have the strength to leave but honestly Hon it takes more strength to stay. I completely understand that feeling that you are stuck in a situation you can't get out of - it is never as easy as simply leaving and I know that as much as anyone in a simialr situation. It took me years to get out and it took for me to nearly die to be able to do that ...and in the end t wasn't me who left but he did. I then lived with the fear every day that he would come back but knowing that I would never have him back either ...that was because of the realisation (finally) that my life was in danger and although I often wish he had succeeded that night I was never going to allow him to have that control over me anymore. It was a complete switch in my thinking and took a near death experience to in a way shock me into thinking that way. That was not strength but survival. As you know such experiences change you - they are not something you come back from easily and take a long time to get over (if we ever do). So your strength Hon is in you surviving every day - there is no right or wrong here, leaving or staying - you alone know your circumstances and you alone has to deal with your own life ...no-one can judge you on those decisions as they do not know how hard it is to live your life or endure what you do ...so do not say you do not have strength Sherry becuse from where I sit you have strength in abundance ...strength and courage comes in many forms and you epitomise both ...those who say 'just leave' have no idea how hard that is or how strong that pull is from the control of the situation ...DV is consuming Hon

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