Helpful ways to deal with irrational anger

Hi @TheVorticon That sounds like a healthy way of dealing with it and I like how you have reframed some things there. Anger can be such an intense emotion and I often find it hard to simmer down when I'm irrationally angry. I personally need to get it out, so writing it down or coming here and sharing with people who get it, can be helpful.

Hey there @TheVorticon,

I think most of us can identify with feelings of anger – it's a human emotion like any other. It can feel quite overwhelming and consuming at times, and nobody wants to feel their heart race, blood pressure increase and the whole host of physiological symptoms that accompany anger.

There are two things I do when I feel a strong sense of anger (I don't want to call it irrational because all our feelings are valid, even if they're a little misplaced at times):

1. I walk, fast – this expends all the physical energy that builds up and puts some space between me and the thing I'm angry about.
2. I lay, still – I know this is contrary to the above, but sometimes by allowing my body to relax it induces a sense of calm. I'll also do a breathing exercise to really chill things out.

Is there anything that you've tried that works for you @TheVorticon ?

Hey @TheVorticon

Been a long time.

@Former-Member 's 2 approaches interesting. I have done both.

I have been both disconnected from anger and flooded with it.

My siblings struggled with anger too, flailing around with it, sometimes hurting me, cos I happened to be close, but then turning it inward and finally both completing suicide.

It was a huge and long and very distressing journbey into the core of anger.

I also see it as part of my life energy, and work hard to make the most of it in productive ways. Sometimes its too consuming and I need to burn it off physically, and yes walking, running and pacing can help. Also being calm and learning to relax and feel through it, and deal with all the thoughts that flow. I have done a lot of meditation. Now as I am older, I can redirect it more easily.

I have had thoughts of revenge, but mostly I can work through actually doing anything vengeful.

Outrage has a purpose. Some people are good at venting it in socially acceptable ways.

The worst I got was repeatedly coming back to similar thoughts/themes but with different objects to whom my anger was directed. Mind you all my anger has had good reason so I dont think of it as irrational, and agree with @Former-Member . Psychological theories about directing it at the source can help but often life does not allow us. Eg my anger at families who damaged my siblings and my children's early life. I came up with an idea to make it physical so not stay in endlessly looping thoughts ... and bought a bottle of tomato sauce.... which sits in my pantry. I hate tomato sauce ... for me it is a symbol of bloodshed .... and how I would like to spray it on whoever is getting me upset .... then when I see it ... sitting there from time to time ... I can actually laugh at myself ... at how mad I can get ... but it has stopped me doing things that would ... escalate ... and get me in serious trouble

Maybe find a way for you to symbolise and validate your own anger .... without totally dismissing it .... give it meaning ... but not act out mindlessly ...

For most of my early life I was so disconnected from anger I was taught to belt a beanbag with a baseball bat ... that did not seem right ... and I found myself in a postion of pleasing therpaist ... so in end I stopped all that ... and found my own way ... but lesson learned ... it took a couple more decades for me to read ... all the neuroscience on it ... the cascades of emotion etc ....

Some thoughts can feed anger ... and make it grow unnecessarily ... thats only good when going into real battle ... My mother and father both experienced WWII. I am fortunate not to have endured that kind of thing.

---

For most of my early life I was so disconnected from anger I was taught to belt a beanbag with a baseball bat ... that did not seem right ... and I found myself in a postion of pleasing therpaist ... so in end I stopped all that ... and found my own way ... but lesson learned.

---

The good old "punch a pillow" technique (and derivatives of that theme)! I also found this practice to be unhelpful @Appleblossom, though it may work for some.

Hugs to you for all that you've been through with your siblings. You show such great strength in the community and I'm sure your story and advice here will resonate.

@Former-Member Since posting a couple of times about anger on this forum ...

I figured out ... why I could not respect that intervention ... my last chrissie present from my dad was a softball bat ... I was not that keen or good at softball ... but knew it had a different purpose ... he was heavily into teamwork and sports. I rarely saw my father angry.

@TheVorticon

Make your symbol and strategy personal to you.

Thanks for the input @Paperdaisy @Former-Member @Appleblossom.

Although I do find regular exercise to be helpful in general, I also don't like to use any sort of 'intense activity' for managing it unless things are way way way out of hand. It tends to redirect the anger towards myself which is unhelpful.

Calming, positive, or mindful seems to be my best options for the supervillain anger. Things that connect me to the present moment, to the world around me, and remind me that there's more than just monster/supervillain inside me.

Glad you have figured out not to let free floating anger turn against yourself.

@TheVorticon

I am hearing similar kind of thinking to the old saint and sinner binary of my parents ... to the more modern hero and supervillain .... its alright to just ... be a person.

@TheVorticon Hi TheVorticon I wish i did get angry ..... I am the exact opposite. Both extremes cause problems .... I take my feelings on myself which is wrong in so many ways. Be gentle on yourself. Love peaxxxx

@TheVorticon

Is this anger or rage?

What is it that really makes you angry? I find that it's not one thing, it's a bunch of issues underneath that get triggered and woosh, off you go.

It's hard to get angry like that when you already feel good about life, so is there something about your life that always bothering you?